Dogs upset by new baby's arrival

[BananaHammock23]

DS is a week old today and we've been home from hospital for a few days now. I have two lovely dogs - a bedlington terrier and a toy poodle. Both are kind and gentle dogs and truly have been the light of my life the past 5 years. I absolutely adore them. Anyway since we've been home things have been ok - they showed a lot of interest in the baby when it was making noises etc and wanted to have a look and see. We've done all the pre-baby stuff - put furniture up, installed stair gates, played baby noises, had a behaviourist in to nip any bad behaviours in the bud (one of them barks at other dogs on walks).

So the problem: last night my poodle had a seizure. He is epileptic but medicated and luckily we had diazepam to soothe him. I am 99% sure this was stress induced and I'm taking him to the vet this morning. They sleep in their own beds at the end of our bed, a good few metres from the crib and after the seizure the dog was fixated on DS. He was on real high alert and unable to concentrate on anything but the baby. It's obvious that DS is really upsetting him. In turn, the bedlington gets stressed and starts pacing. Result is moving the crib downstairs where partner sleeps with baby while I sleep upstairs with dogs (not very well due to one fitting and one pacing dog!) This obviously not sustainable.

Does anyone have any advice for how we can better manage this transition? Is it normal? Has anyone got any similar experience?

I don't really want to hear that they'll need to be rehomed, so if they could be avoided please!

It's a huge change for all of you. Definitely make sure the dogs have a "safe space" away from baby, where they are out of sight not just behind a gate if one is doing a stare, somewhere they can know they can settle down with a favourite toy/chew and a sleep.

It may be worth calling the behaviourist in again ASAP to give you a hand as you'll all be frazzled at the moment.

You need to get the dogs sleeping on their own in a different room. It's not fair that they're in a room with something that stresses them out.

Ideally this would have been done during pregnancy but it's not too late to do it now. There are tons of articles online about helping dogs settle to sleep downstairs

Good luck!

I worry that by moving them downstairs the dogs will get even more distressed and feel like they've been relegated.

I feel like I can't do right for wrong really. My mum has said she will have the poodle if worst comes to worst but it's breaking my heart. I really can't stop crying. Hormones plus this is just too much.

I want this to be fixable, but he's becoming more and more jealous and started jumping up this morning when we pick him up and looks a bit snappy, I know DS is my priority now but i just went to make this work so much

Dogs are pack animals. I know you love them but they have to know their place. Baby comes first so they can may well feel knocked down a peg but that's pack life.

We had two dogs and one became as you described, entirely fixated on the baby and couldn’t settle, pacing and entirely stressed. We tried everything but ended up rehoming him with a friend who knew him well and had his brother. He jumped across the room and snapped at the baby as I passed her to my husband. We knew he couldn’t stay after that. We went to visit him recently and as soon as he saw my daughter he became fixated even though it had been a year.

I was absolutely devastated and I never, ever imagined it would be a decision I’d have to make but I would just say you need to be absolutely vigilant. There were no warning signs when he tried to bite her and he was a few meters away. In hindsight it would have been no life for him to stay being so stressed and has a great life with my friend. Our other dog loves my daughter though and couldn’t be better with her. We didn’t do anything different between them, the collie just didn’t have the right temperament for small children like the spaniel did.

Dogs downstairs with your partner and baby upstairs with you ! I understand the dogs were technically there first but you need to be close to baby

The dogs have been relegated. You have a brand new delicate baby human in the house. Its the natural pecking order.

I've had dogs all my life but I understood they were dogs and treated them accordingly, I get so cross when I see people treating little dogs like little human beings. It causes the dogs to become very highly strung and unsure of boundaries.

Do not let those dogs sleep in the same room as your baby and never ever leave that baby alone with them.

Our dog also has epilepsy and had a really bad seizure on Saturday, I've been twisting myself in knots trying to work out the trigger, but sometimes it's just their time to have one.
We spoke to the out of hours vet as diazapam hadn't really done the trick and she said they had quite a few this week, as sometimes they do in the hotter/stormy weather periods.

Best wishes x

By letting the dogs stay in the bedroom and your partner sleep downstairs with the baby you're telling the dogs that they're higher in the pecking order than the baby - this needs to change, I know you love them but they're pets and they need to know their place.

@angrydrunkwasp this all happened in the middle of the night. I was hysterical and needed sleep. Im EBF so he wasn't apart from me for long. Im not looking for judgement on my parenting - im trying to get through these first few weeks without going entirely mad.

I get all your comments re me staying upstairs but the dog had just had a seizure and couldn't be moved! I'm recovering from a c section and can't sleep on the sofa. I know it's not ideal but it is what it is. I'm EBF so he's never away from me for that long.

We've been working with a behaviourist in the lead up to DS's arrival, we're not totally irresponsible. They know their place and we've been working really hard to make sure this exact thing didn't happen.

I would really love to hear from anyone who's managed to work with a behaviourist or who has any tips for getting through this rather than rehiring him!

I can understand you staying upstairs with the dogs while you recover and after the seizure, makes total sense for that time. But you need to start training both dogs to sleep downstairs! They have each other for company, they will be fine. You will have months of broken sleep and noise from the baby in your bedroom. Spare the dogs that disruption, give them peace and quiet downstairs, it's better for them.

My dog didn’t get snappy but was very obvious he had a dislike for our baby. We immediately separated the dog from the baby in the hall and kitchen. lots of 1 on 1 time with the dog wherever the sbaby wasn’t and ensured the dog has a big walk morning and night. After a wwwk we brought dog back in slowly but still kept them away from baby and the dog slept downstairs. 6 months down the line dog and baby are chums who play together. That first week was hard though but totally worth it xx

I worry that by moving them downstairs the dogs will get even more distressed and feel like they've been relegated.

Don't look at it like that. The dogs aren't being relegated, you're doing what's best for them by giving them a quiet, calm place to sleep and relax without the stress of a newborn baby around.

Your lives (and theirs) have been turned upside down over night so an adjustment period is totally natural and to be expected. Very few people introduce babies to dogs and have it go without a hiccup, honestly. You're tired, recovering from major surgery and coming to terms with being a new parent.

Equally, your dogs have had to go from having you and DP to themselves for five years, to suddenly sharing you with a small, screaming baby who smells different, makes funny and sudden noises and is taking up your time and attention!

If you can afford it, alongside a behaviourist, could you consider a dog walker to get them out of the house and give them a good amount of exercise and attention? It will give you a good 1-2 hours in the middle of the day to focus 100% on the baby without having to worry about the dogs whining, barking or getting jealous.

It is hard but there's really no need to consider rehoming yet. Keep working with your behaviourist and try and be patient with them - they're just as overwhelmed as you are!

Take a big deep breath! You're a frazzled new mum.

Ask your partner to help build the dogs a cozy den downstairs in a quiet corner away from all the baby stuff, all the baby noise and the comings and goings, somewhere they know they can go and chill out. Teach them to settle in there with a chew or a kong. The bedroom should be for you, your partner and baby right now, not the dogs. The dogs need their own space and they will be really grateful for it.

FYI "pack" theory with domestic dogs has been debunked long ago. They don't think they're the "boss" over the baby. They're just weirded out by this funny tiny little human thing that's making weird noises and smells.

If you have family who the dogs know well, it may be worth them going on a little holiday for a few weeks, just so you can get a routine down with the baby, and the dogs can relax with extended family!

Do you have anyone close by that would support with this by giving your dogs some space

When I had my baby my hormones were all over the place and my anxiety sky high I couldn't even bare for my much loved dog to be anywhere near baby (even though she was/is absolutely fine and brilliant with him!!) my parents had our dog for the first couple of weeks (she loves them) whilst I settled and dog came over for daily visits, I think this was what I needed at the time and gradually I felt fine with her around again and she slotted back in no problems xx

You can't have the dogs sleeping in the same room as the baby.

I think it wouid be kinder for your dogs for them to sleep downstairs with your DP, than it wouid be for them to deal with a rehoming.
They might not be impressed at first, but they will get used to it.

Then DP can work with a behaviourist to sort out some new routines that will help you all.

Do nit rehome the dogs permanently at this stage. You are post-natal, sleep deprived, in need of support and in no position to make life changing decision of this sort. Not because you are incapable - you're quite the opposite - you just need a safe holding pattern until things have had a chance to settle a bit further

If you trust the behaviourist, get them back ASAP. A good trainer/behaviourist will have assessed you and your dogs so won’t be starting over again.

Some trainers also offer dog walking or day care. If you can afford it, this would help.

You need to get away from the mindset that your dogs will feel relegated.They are now relegated as your baby is your priority and needs to be safe, they cannot be in the same room. You cannot expect your baby to be moved downstairs, your baby needs to stay beside you and your dogs need to be moved. This is a dangerous situation, your exhausted, you cant risk falling asleep as the dogs could attack your baby. Therefore they need separated. My dog disliked my baby, would sit and stare and pant, clearly anxious and would jump and snap at him when we were handing him between us. It was very distressing and they had to be separated, I couldnt leave my baby ever, we would allow him to sit with us when my husband was home as he could assist if any issues. During the day my dog had to be kept in a separate area of the house, it didnt get better until my son was older. They are fine now and my DS is now 6.

I really think you know those dogs should be downstairs.
There really isn't any reason to risk your DS getting injured.

I understand your distress, my Ddog slept in my bed for years until my DS arrived.
I wanted to co-sleep so the dog had to move out of the bedroom.
He now sleeps in a basket in the kitchen, and his pay-off is all the scraps of food he gets fed from my DS at mealtimes and a buddy to play ball games with (my DS is now 3)

Sorry, but it sounds like until the baby, youve been treating your dogs like babies. Now they’re very upset because they’ve been displaced. They should have always slept downstairs and been treated as pets. If this had been the case your sons arrival would t have been such an ordeal for them.

Starting tonight. The dogs need to go downstairs. If at any point in the day the dog gets fixated on the baby then it must go straight into another room, you can’t risk it injuring your ds. Never, ever leave them alone together even for a minute.

They need to learn their new place with in the pack. Once they know the boundaries and where they stand they will feel safer. Make sure they are well exercised and given enough attention, treats etc, but they are no longer your main focus and never will be again. But it will get easier. Once they know their place and your ds is older, I’m sure they’ll be fine with their new role of family pet.

Dogs can behave very oddly post seizure & temporarily lose sight. The few my dog had always happened at night when fully asleep, I'd consider using a crate or pen to keep baby safe & them as other dogs can be weirded out by a seizure & attack them.
On one hand I think better to work on transitioning dogs to downstairs sleeping but then you may need some monitor set up to hear if dogs having a seizure to give diaz

Have the ddogs actually been allowed to touch the baby? When we came home I took ds's socks off... Ddogs(4!!) all had a good lick!! They accepted him pretty quick and honestly I'm 7 years have had no issues at all. Never left alone but managed under supervision to establish amazing relationships.. One of the best bits of parenting ime..

It’s only been a week, it’s a big change, and everyone sounds anxious, the dogs may be picking up on this too.

We had our beautiful dog 7 years before we started our family. I did feel for the dog, as he had to take a back seat as caring for baby and getting used to being a mum is very time consuming. I still feel guilty for that, but we would never have considered rehoming him, as we had him from a pup and felt it was better for him to stay with us. He was such a good dog and we had him till he was sadly pts at 13yrs. It can work, but you need to be practical and keep baby & dogs safe.

Good luck OP, and many congrats