New puppy…can’t go ahead

[Franks55]

Hi
I’m about to get a puppy in ten days. I’m so anxious about it after reading everything. I’m not sure I can cope. I wake up feeling sick (that’s if I can sleep to begin with).
Have heard of puppy blues but didn’t think they’d kick in this early?
I’m seriously considering of cancelling puppy and losing deposit etc.
Is it normal to be this nervous? I am a highly anxious person.

@Franks55

I’m anxious about everything to be honest. I’m anxious about training (although have booked on to puppy classes and May get some additional 1:1); I’m worried about my son with the puppy (he’s 7 but loves dogs); worried that my partner won’t take an active part; worried that I’ll be sent away with work last minute and I will have to sort out care); worried about dog not being able to be left for 30 mins when I nip to the shops; worried about being tied to house for next few weeks.

Are you planning to crate train? We did with our puppy and it’s brilliant. You will be able to leave your puppy safely without worrying, overnight and for short periods!

My DH didn’t do a lot with our puppy, which was fine with me. I wanted a puppy, she was my dog so I took overall responsibility for her.

Puppies are a joy and a pain in equal measures but if you throw yourself into training in the early days, then the pain quickly goes away.

Seven is fine for a youngster to have a dog. My youngest was six when we got ours.

Good luck. 🐶🐶🐶

There’s no point in lying; the first few weeks are hard but they go quickly as you’ll be so busy!

Year you will be confined to the house for a few weeks and you’ll do absolutely nothing but care for the dog. If you’re already thinking that your husband won’t pull his weight, then he probably won’t. Mine doesn’t and that’s been the hardest part, he just stands there and tells me what I’m doing wrong 🤬. You will be able to leave him if you crate train him properly and time his naps around the times that you want to go out. Training will be fine if you’re committed to it and don’t expect too much too soon 😊.

I am not an anxious person at all but found the whole puppy thing overwhelming which had me in tears.

If you feel like that now I would step back from getting a puppy.

I highly recommend joining the “Dog training advice and support” group on Facebook. We have had our puppy for 3 weeks and it’s been really helpful, great advice with sleep, biting and toilet training in particular.

I have little experience with dogs, DH has more. It is like having a whirlwind to start with! She is adorable though We have been crate training, that’s going well. She will take herself off to bed if she wants to (also likes to nap on the sofa if we are there). It works because we both muck in. DH is doing the brunt of it because he’s WFH. I work part time so I’m caring for her on my day off. We have a DD who is 8. She loves the dog, is helping to discipline, keen to clean up after her!

I would seriously suggest looking at that Facebook group, it’ll give you loads of advice and help you see if you are sufficiently prepared. I do wonder if you should tackle your anxiety issue before you get a dog though. It’s wonderful and rewarding but a lot of work to start with.

When I was pregnant people scared me shitless with how it will be when I had my children and it was nothing like they described.

Yes having a puppy is quite intense and for a few weeks it is easier if you just concentrate on the puppy most of the time . But they are fun, they make you laugh, they are cute, they are great to spend time with, training is fun and you feel great when they get new things.

My experience of having puppies is not like people describe on here.

Many puppies sleep through the night from about 11.00-6.30 by the second week. In the summer is is great to be up at dawn it is quiet and beautiful.

Most puppies will get into a good routine and initially sleep a lot in the day too.

Trainers love to come to your house and help to settle in new puppies and this can set you up on the right track to start with and also give you a phone number to call if things are worrying you.

However if you are already dreading it maybe this is not the right time for you.

The puppy isn't the problem, your anxiety needs addressing as it will hold you back from taking risks, and all new things, all changes we make involve taking risk- not possible to move forward in life any other way. Please do seek help for your anxiety OP.

We pick our puppy up on Saturday and I know how you feel.

I also suffer from anxiety and I really to think you need to put the books down.

A friend of mine gave me some good advice which was to pick one person you know who has a lovely, well behaved dog and ask their advice.

I figure it's like children - you are not going to make the best possible decision at every single moment, but they are all OK and we muddle through.

That's what I'm hoping anyway!

Puppies should sleep for the majority of the day, they need calm to sleep so crate train from word go. Praise and reward calm/nothing whilst being calm to teach pup to understand that doing nothing is good and just take it easy. You’ll be fine, you’re not on your own and you can rope in your son to help you train him and have fun then pup will sleep and make sure he has his own space uninterrupted to rest as tired pups exhibit bad/naughty behaviour.

You’ve got training lined up and potential for 1:1 if you need it, I sometimes think a 1:1 is good to help understand methods used and reinforcement for you rather than the pup. Have some confidence in yourself you sound like you’re prepared and you have everything in place, and the support from trainers and your child and partner so you’re not alone. Dogs are amazing companions and your hard work early on will pay off when he’s older and a lovely friend for your family.

I suffer with anxiety and getting a puppy was the best thing I've ever done. I've had her for 8 months now and it's helped my mental health so much.

I've found the people who have struggled the most with a puppy are those who go into it thinking it will be easy. Expect the worst and hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised.

I think as long as you put a lot of thought into getting a puppy, researching breeds, training etc then this is more than likely last minute nerves.

My daughter got a puppy and it make her Aniexty worse.
I think if the doubt has already set in I don't think you should. That's just my opinion.

@Franks55

I’m anxious about everything to be honest. I’m anxious about training (although have booked on to puppy classes and May get some additional 1:1); I’m worried about my son with the puppy (he’s 7 but loves dogs); worried that my partner won’t take an active part; worried that I’ll be sent away with work last minute and I will have to sort out care); worried about dog not being able to be left for 30 mins when I nip to the shops; worried about being tied to house for next few weeks.

Those are all genuine concerns and it’s good that you are realising the potential difficulties of getting a puppy. They are not insurmountable though, there are solutions for all of them

Having said that although I really love my dog if I could have turned back time I wouldn’t have got him. I was quite depressed for the first 6 months to a year and I found having a dog very hard. He’s an integral part of our family and he was very ill a few weeks ago and I was distraught at the thought of losing him but I honestly think my life would be so much easier without him.

Gosh you do sound like you need help with your anxiety! I hope you get it. But I think you should go ahead with the puppy.

They are hard work at the start but nothing that bad, to be honest. I marvel at the fuss some people make about puppies - ours was a dream from the word go. We were lucky, but I was also strict with him and taught him right from the start that I was the boss.

Dogs are so calming and happy-making. I haven't RTFT so apologies if you've decided otherwise, but I really think you should get one, for your child's sake as well. My DC are SO happy a year into our dog - every day I thank the lord I went for it (DH didn't want one - he came round!)

Thank you all.
I’ve just been out for a long walk and I’m going to read through your replies.
I get anxious about a lot e.g holidays and I am going to seek help for this.
I have no problem with being confined to the house for the summer break. My son is and will be an only child and I know how much it will help him.

I am an anxious person.

I asked a really good family member to help me out when puppy was small as a ‘back up’ which she willingly did.

By the time puppy 5 months he was much easier - good luck. X

The more I read about having a puppy before she arrived, the more nervous I got about the decision! I worried about everything but the minute I laid eyes on her in my home I fell in love and that meant that all the hassle was worth it. It is honestly the best thing we have ever done for our family’s mental health.

Our dog is quite needy and does sneak upstairs to wee on the carpet if it is raining, and can’t be trusted around chickens - but none of these issues mean I regret getting her for one minute. The children all rush to see her when they get in from school and we fight over whose lap she sits in in the evening.

Just remember when it is stressful that it will pass with the right input.

DH and I talked about this after I read the thread. He said it’s a bit like parenting, when you’re pregnant everyone gives you advice and tells you how it will be, you read the books etc but you don’t really know until you do it! Already after having her almost 3 weeks, I wouldn’t be without Banditdog. It’s so lovely to have a warm welcome every time you come home/get back from the loo and stroking them definitely calms you down.

I get anxious and the 'OMG what have I done' every time I've added a dog. They were all rescues and the youngest was 6months so someone else had even done lot of hard work there, I just need time to adapt to changes.
You've done the research, have a trainer and now that FB training support group to ask for help and reassurance. My partner didn't do most of the dog workload, but was around for calm reassurance and just having someone to discuss things with helps cut that anxiety cycle that can make any doubts expand in your mind.

On plus side training a puppy to do as you ask is easier than a husband

I’m totally anti crate training. I wouldn’t suggest doing it at all.

@Mrstreehouse

I’m totally anti crate training. I wouldn’t suggest doing it at all.

That’s because you don’t know how to use it correctly and in a positive way for your dog

I'd be more worried if you were not anxious frankly. Puppies and young dogs are hard work. It can be very intense at times and sometimes it is relentless. But every single day they will do something to make you smile and laugh. You get out what you put in, the more time and effort you put in to training the more you get back.
I would recommend getting a 1:1 dog trainer as well as the puppy training classes. I have a 16 month old rescue dog who has been home 10 months now and the support has been invaluable. Just yesterday I was sobbing on the phone to her because the little terror has chewed through the cable of a brand new hoover! Even now she is still throwing me curveballs. But she is so worth it and so loved.

My advise would be to not over think it. Wrote down your worries and work out solutions to them and there always are solutions. Good luck you will be fine!

You have all been so helpful.
I had a good cry and chat with a couple of friends today and talked through my concerns. Feeling a little better.

I think I’ve read so much recently and online there are so many puppy horror stories…it’s these I’m focusing on.

Honestly I was so worried about it (mostly from years of surfing the doghouse here and reading all the doom and gloom on here ;) )

It’s been significantly easier and more pleasant than I thought it would be. Puppy barely bites and is so clever, has been a real joy so far

There’s lots of us on here who have puppies op, plenty to ask and chat to if needed. You’re not alone

I don't think the issue is the puppy.

I think the issue is the anxiety.

Puppies are hard work. They are also an absolute delight.

I can't tell you that getting a puppy is right or wrong. I can only say that I was really worried before bringing my middle girl home. So much that could go wrong! So much that I could screw up!

She is the light of my life.

I would see your GP about the anxiety. I think that might really help.

You're feeling overwhelmed and having cold feet - I did too. Came very close to pulling out. I would have regretted it hugely though.
She's 10 months now and the first few months were in at the deep end/world upside down/omg what have I done - now she is a treasure and we wouldn't be without her.

What helped me feel calmer was the realisation that if we really couldn't cope, we know two excellent breed-oriented charities who have a large number of vetted homes, in case we decided to re-home. That took the pressure off. A plan B. (She's a working line Springer, so I had constant fears I wouldn't be able to give her what she needed - has turned out fine though. Have brought her up to be calm and relaxed, with plenty of fun, exercise and training, to fit in with our family).

Also doing 12 weeks of training in a small group from when she was 6mnths helped with structure and guidance to training, which helped both if us (mainly me) feel more on top of things/like I had direction so I relaxed a great deal and that has helped.

The puppy survival thread here is really supportive, and I recommend the FB group 'Dog Training Advice & Support'.

I always wanted a dog, and I'm really glad we did it.
At first, the children gave her a wide berth unless she was very sleepy and cuddly, but that's changed as she's settled down and they play together much more nicely now. She's been positive for all of us.

Best of luck x