PUPPY DISPARE

[llm24]

I’m probably going to get shot down in flames for this post but I need to hear from anyone who has been in the same position because I really don’t want to feel this way

Last December we brought home our Boxer puppy. As a family we had waited
until we felt the time was right to bring a dog into the family - kids were older , more time on our hands to spend with the pup , house had a big garden etc. We done a lot of research into the breed and felt we could offer a loving family home

To be honest I was the one that still had my concerns that were we doing the right thing but was out voted by the family and eventually got on board and enjoyed watching our pup grow from when he was born

Fast forward 6 months and I’m really struggling to bond with the puppy
I know people talk about the puppy blues being a real thing but surely after 6 months I shouldn’t be feeling like this

I feel I do everything correctly , feed , walk , play and do it with a smile but inside I am getting no pleasure from him and I don’t know why . Everyone thinks i’m great with him and he is a pampered pooch

Help me out , I’m really struggling and don’t want to feel like this

I don't know much about dogs (and don't know what dispare is) but you made a commitment and should try to make it work. Can you contact a puppy trainer or a Frye d who is experienced with dogs and may be able to help?

Oooh teenage period is what you're experiencing right now. And boxers are total nutters anyway 😁
Get thyself (and pup of course!) to training classes! Good luck OP.

@ElderMillennial

Just released my spelling mistake

Thanks for your advice we have been to a puppy trainer , i’m
not great expressing my feeling to people I know hence my post on here

@oldtinhat

haha he is a nutter but such a cute nutter

At the moment I can’t see further than today and how my feeling will change 😞

I hope you manage to sort it

Boxers are adorable - but crazy! I used to watch a lady try and walk her boxer pup when I took my old ddog out. Wow, did she have her hands full! Her pup never seemed to have all paws on the ground, he was constantly bouncing in the air, higher than her head! But they got there eventually, training and more training, lots of walks and stimulation at home (games, chews, tricks). They both adored each other and I'm sure you will too. Just takes time, your pup is just 'at that age'. Keep going with all your good work 🐶

Is it something to do with his behaviour that's giving you trouble or do you just not feel connected with him?

I know this isn't really the Mumsnet way, but do you really need to "feel" anything for your dog, as long as you treat it well? It isn't a child after all. We had a family dog that I'm sure my mum was indifferent to (at best!). But she was kind to him and looked after it when it was required of her, and the rest of us showered him with love and attention. I've got hens I don't particularly like very much, I care for them as needed then get on with my day. I think dog ownership has been fetishised into something much more significant than it really is, with everyone going on about "fur babies" and "forever homes". If your dog is fed, exercised and treated kindly, that's enough. It's just a dog.

Boxers are a handful! Daft and boundless energy, it was a bold choice for a first dog.

Are the rest of the family pulling their weight? They need to, even if it means getting up earlier before school/ work.
You have my sympathy.
I don’t think there are short cuts but he will improve with time and work, which it sounds like you are doing.

@Frogsonglue

I hear what your saying but me being the type of person I am if I don’t give it 100% i’m not doing a good job 😞
Maybe I should stop pressuring myself so much x

@Shmithecat2

He isn’t doing anything I didn’t expect or read about to be honest

I feel like it’s having a new baby all over again and thought now my kids are older I would have more freedom be able to do stuff for me - i hate that i’m saying that

My hubbie started a new job after we got him ( didn’t expect that ) so i’m
doing more day to day looking after him than expected

@WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself

Yeah the family are pulling their weight
My hubbie started a new job since we got him which we did not expect ( covid related )
and I’m
doing more during the day than them but overall can’t complain

Just wish I felt the enthusiasm they do 😞

I think you should be honest with your family. It’s adding to the pressure keeping a facade.

Reassure them you will continue doing all the right things but admit it’s been getting you down.

You are allowed to be human and it doesn’t make you evil. Doing the right thing even without the bond is more dedicated than doing it with it.

To be fair, Boxers are really hard work and if you're doing the majority of the "grunt work" it's not surprising that you're a bit fed up.

Could you possibly get a dog walker or send her to daycare once/twice a week so you get a bit of a break? It will get her out of the house for a while and it should tire her out so she just sleeps when she gets home!

I would also work on teaching her to settle in a room away from you - after she's been exercised, give her something like a natural chew or frozen kong to help relax her - she should then be mentally and physically tired so she'll be more likely to zone out.

I would also make sure she gets plenty of sleep - dogs should be sleeping around 18 hours a day so make sure she's getting her rest :)

Best of luck and it does get easier. I found 6-11 months REALLY hard but it got much easier at a year and MUCH easier at around 2.5. My beagle is three now and so different to how he was as a pup! Hang in there.

It is hard work at first with little reward. Like you we waited until I retired to get a border collie and despite reading up loads, we thought we could manage one fine. Until our dog got into a routine, it was hard and we didn’t realise now needy puppies are. He literally followed me everywhere, slept for 30 minutes, then was back to playing. I also felt guilty that I wasn’t doing enough with him. Around 6 months old he calmed down a bit and slept more and I was able to leave him for a couple of hours to go out. Like you I didn’t bond with him as he didn’t do cuddles or sit with me. But suddenly whilst I was out I started hurrying to get back home and he then really seemed to miss me and fuss around me that I realised he did care for me. He’s 3 years old now and is just lovely.

Fair enough OP! Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh, I didn't mean to. If it helps, I wasn't that keen on our rescue dog for the first year but now she definitely feels like "mine" and one of the family. If you haven't had dogs before you might not have realised quite how annoying they are a lot of the time, especially puppies. They're cute but also a massive pain in the arse and it's fine not to be loving every minute of it.

It will settle down op. you are going through the worst bit of dog ownership right now for many people.
If it helps at all, I’m a dog trainer. Neither me nor anyone I work with or know in the industry liked their dogs an awful lot at that age, despite the fact that we know how to handle the problems and know what to expect. Teenage dogs are time consuming,behave like belligerent arseholes at times and the cute novelty stage has worn off.
We all without exception have come to adore our dogs once this phase passes.

I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. As long as the dog is cared for, they don’t know if you love them or not!

Our dog is 18 months and I still have days where I don't particularly like him then other days I think he's just lovely. It takes time.

Maybe these guys can give you some advice?

www.buddysboxerrescue.co.uk/

The 'teenage' years can be difficult - your dog is a stroppy adolescent pushing boundaries. Once he's over that phase, he will be fine.