Really want another dog but OH doesn't

[bcv2662]

I really hope this doesn't come across as ungrateful or childish, it's just something that's really upsetting me!

I currently have 2 lovely dogs. Myself and my OH got them as shared pets, but I feed them, walk them 80% of the time and sort all their vet stuff, and my parents look after them when we go away or I sort the kennels. I'm more than happy to do this because I absolutely love them. OH loves them too, but perhaps a little less and finds them stressful when they're barking.
I've been really suffering from depression and anxiety this year, and would absolutely love another puppy- I know it won't solve my problems, but just to cheer me up a bit. I'm happy to pay and do 100% of the work for it, but as we live in the same house it is inevitable that it will impact both our lives.

The problem is, OH has said a flat-out no, and that me constantly suggesting is being really childish and is threatening our relationship.

I just can't stop thinking about it, I feel so lonely and I really feel like this would help, but we've had rows about it and I always end up backing down because 'dogs are too stressful'

What should I do here? How can I take my mind of a new dog?

Focus on the two you have? Walk in new places? Start new training or a new dog based hobby like hoopers or flyball?

I think you have fixated on this. An animal isn't there to cheer you up. Puppies are hard work too. Sorry op but you are being unreasonable.

I hope you can feel better soon though. This just isn't it.

Focus on the dogs you have. Volunteer with a dog/puppy charity. Walk other people's dogs. Offer to help local new puppy owners to socialise their drugs.

Find other, non-dog ways to address your mental health.

I'm with him. Focus on the ones you have - what do you think a new puppy is going to bring to the party apart from more stress?

@Wolfiefan

Focus on the two you have? Walk in new places? Start new training or a new dog based hobby like hoopers or flyball?

That's a great idea. Focus on new skills with your lovely dogs. Maybe teach them commands for bark and quiet so you can quiet them on command. A new puppy might completely upset the balance in your home. I hope things improve for you soon.

I think as people say when one partner wants a baby and the other doesn’t you have to respect that person’s wishes. Perhaps it would help you to read the thread from earlier in the month about getting a third dog? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/4261162-third-dog

Introducing a third dog really isn’t like having two, the behaviourist I have been working with said she wished more people knew beforehand how often it leads to problems and pack like behaviour.

Yeah, I think if you feel lonely with 2 dogs and a husband, getting a third isn't going to cure you of the loneliness or mental health issues.
You're probably fixated on it now, I've done this with things that I realise in hindsight were to distract myself.

If one person doesn’t want a dog, or additional dog, you don’t get a dog.

If you’re lonely with two dogs and a partner, a puppy isn’t going to change that.

I’d echo PP and look at getting more involved with the dogs you have. There are so many options you can do with your dogs - hoopers, agility, flyball, scentwork. You can volunteer with your dogs or for dog based organisations like walking for a shelter or the cinnamon trust. There are also loads of volunteering opportunities without your dogs too, this will get you meeting new people and hopefully you’ll feel less lonely.

By the way, we have two dogs and both of us have agreed that we won’t be going above that number. The only way we will get another dog now is when one of ours dies. The dynamic will change, they’ll become more of a pack. The behaviour of both will drop because they aren’t getting the attention they’re used to. Also, depending on the breeds you have, you have to start seriously considering car space and how you transport all of them if you take them out.

I'm with your DH.

You already have two dogs and there's no guarantee that a third would make you feel any better.

Focus on your current dogs - work on some training, try a new activity like canicross, agility, nosework or flyball, take them further afield and go on some new adventures together etc. You could also volunteer with a local shelter or try BorrowMyDoggy and take someone else's dog out to get your fix.

Going from 2-3 is very different from going from 1-2. There's a lot of research about how a "pack" tends to form with three dogs and behavioural issues can arise as a result.

I'm sorry but agree with the above. It won't change anything for the better but will change things for the worse. You need to address your feelings not patch them with a pup (that sounds harsh but I do get where you are coming from and it is from experience that I say that)

If you only had one I’d say he was being a bit unreasonable as it’s always better for the dogs to have company and you’re already a “dog” family - but you’ve got 2 already! That’s plenty. I think your dh is right and you need to find something else to fill the void.

Speaking from experience 3 dogs is a lot of work.
I thought it would be just another one but it makes life 10 times harder to be honest.

Much prefer 2!

Going up to 3 will impact on your two current dogs too, affecting the time you can have with them & spoiling walks etc.
Agree with doing more to get enjoyment & bonding with existing dogs.

Thanks so much for all the helpful tips and insights! :)

You take care op. I hope you find a great activity that helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel. I love doing the activity where you place a new object in front of a dog and reward pretty much whatever they do gradually increasing the level of interaction that gets them a treat. It's a fab dog led way to teach a new behaviour. Might be a nice place to start?

How old are your existing dogs?

Hope you find another way to look after yourself, I totally get wanting a puppy as they can just give you such joy (but then, older dogs can too, with their loyalty and love)

Your DH is quite reasonable about having 2 dogs already if he finds them stressful imo

What breed are they? Some breeds are easier in 3s than other

I have three. Two is so so much easier op. Three is not a balance and it doesn’t really work from mine or the dogs point of view. Keeping them all happy is hard work. My mother suddenly had to go into care so we took her oldie dog and the children love her etc etc she is an easy dog but it’s still hard.

My experience is that 3 dogs is like 3 children - somehow much more than I expected adding another would be.
You’re always walking a pack. Three lots of vet fees, kennel or boarding fees.

It’s harder to find home boarders or relatives who can look after 3.
If your oh really doesn’t want a 3rd dog, is it fair to insist. A puppy won’t solve anxiety and depression. Join an agility or other training group with your existing dogs.

I think the past year has left so many people feeling low and feelings lie the answer is to make a big change in their life. I think that’s why so many people are moving house for example, they just want something different and it sounds like you’re the same. But would getting another dog really make your life better? If your DH doesn’t want one then that’s that unfortunately, and if your dogs are barking a lot, I’d focus on training them and trying different things with them.