Are some dogs just not suited to being an only dog?

[PawPatrolAreOnARoll]

I'm wondering if some dogs just don't like being without canine company?

We bought a 1 year old dog a month ago. Although the owners didn't mention it directly I think they had another dog (counting the dog food bowls and mentioning another dog not liking the one they were selling as he was, "too much for her" I'm assuming that dog was just elsewhere).

I've been working on settling the dog and training him as he struggles with loose lead walking, recall and separation anxiety. This works really well when my kids are at nursery and school but is a disaster when they're here, as they interrupt all the time.

His other troublesome behaviour is that he wants to play with every dog we come across. I've learnt over the last few weeks that this isn't acceptable, even if the dog is off lead, so spend most of our walks calling him away from other dogs. Even then he'll bark and adopt the bum up "play with me" stance.

The only time he seems truly happy is when we see my friend's dogs and he can run around with them. He's so carefree and full of joy.

But when home with me he just looks, well, sad and depressed. I do positive reinforcement, game based training with him but he doesn't seem to enjoy it. I'm affectionate with him but he just seems to tolerate that.

He gets so barky, whiney and desperate when I'm playing with my kids but they don't want him near them, so everybody has been sad for the last few weeks. Yesterday, we decided to contact a friend of a friend who's looking for a dog to see if she'd like to give him a better home than we can.

But, after his walk this morning, with one of my friend's dogs, it got me thinking, maybe some dogs just don't like not being without another dog.

(Don't worry I'm not going to be stupid enough to get another dog. I've come to realise we can't provide a good home for one dog, let alone two!)

Are you the poster who bought a young Labrador?
The Labrador that growls at kids on walks and guards you against your own..?

Yes.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/4232459-Struggling-to-bond-with-new-dog?msgid=106945323

Yup.
I thought so.

For the love of God do NOT pass this dog with extremely seriously behavioural problems onto a ‘friend of a friend’ FFS.

He needs to go to a reputable Labrador rescue.

He is a big, strong dog with serious separation anxiety, leash reactivity, resource guarding and fear of children!

Passing this dog on without going through a reputable rescue is a disaster waiting to happen and utterly irresponsible.

labrador-rescue.org/

The issues you are describing are frequently caused by too many homes. We saw it a lot in the rescue I used to work with. Puppies would be passed from pillar to post during their first year and would end up with extreme separation anxiety and guarding issues.

Get a rescue involved. Or keep the dog and get a qualified behaviourist. Dogs do not need to live with other dogs to be happy.

Since, I last posted, we have spoken to a qualified 1 to 1 trainer who has qualifications in dog psychology.

He's been assessed as having typical behaviours for a dog uprooted from one home to another. Apparently he's not displaying fear around my kids, he just wants to play with them but he does this by barking at them.

I've been reassured his growling at the beginning was because he was unhappy with being rehomed and not knowing my kids. I should have introduced them more slowly, once he was settled. Since then he barks partly because he doesn't like being alone and partly because he wants to play.

The trainer gave me training to do with him, which I'm doing whenever I can, but I can only efficiently do it when my kids aren't there. They refuse to go on walks with him which makes it hard to exercise him on days when my husband isn't there (3 days a week).

The dog seems unhappy whenever he's in our home. All his training is play based. He has enrichment toys for feeding him meals and calming chews and lickimats. And now an adaptil diffuser. I'm trying everything suggested to make him feel calmer and happier but he just looks miserable.

And my kids don't like to be near him so I haven't seen much of my kids for the last four weeks. They hide in their playroom. Everyone, the dog included, seem miserable in our house at the moment, and as much as I want to keep him, I have to admit that's purely selfish and I'm not thinking about my family or the dog.

The friend of a friend has experience of large breed dogs, has taken and rehabilitated rescues and has no young children. She seems like a pretty good candidate for providing a better home for him.

Anyway, my original question was whether some dogs are just unhappy being without other dogs? He wants to play with every dog he sees. I've noticed rescues mentioning dogs needing another resident dog and wondered if that was the case for our dog. Again reiterating that we know we're a crap home for a dog and not planning to get another one! I'm just curious if that's sometimes the case.

Tbf, when I said ‘fear of children’ I was mostly referring to the behaviour his previous home told you about; that he would growl at strange children on walks.
That isn’t the behaviour of a dog comfortable around children.
Although resource guarding also is a fear based behaviour, and directed at your own children.

On paper the friend sounds great, but how do you know all of that is true?
People can and do embellish and lie.
If she is a friend of a friend do you know her well or is she more of an acquaintance?

I don’t mean this unkindly, but you said yourself in your other thread you had been naive, I think you said you were a first time owner too?

You aren’t well placed to rehome this dog.
He has serious behavioural problems and if he isn’t placed properly he will probably get worse and will be bounced from home to home and if his aggression towards children escalates it’s likely he’ll find himself PTS.

That is why he needs to be rehomed via a reputable breed rescue, with people who know the breed well and and are familiar with behavioural problems.

I think it’s really sad it has put you off ever getting another dog.

You made a stupid decision, sorry but it was and shouldn’t judge based on that alone imo.

A big strong adult dog of unknown history from a randomer on gumtree or wherever it was was a massive, massive risk.

A smaller more gentle breed puppy from a reputable breeder would probably slot into your family really well.

A reputable breeder would want to meet your children prior and they usually have contract so in place where they will take the puppy back if it doesn’t work out and are available for a chat for support through the pups life.

As for your actual question, I think most dogs do benefit from a companion yes.
I’m not sure they need one though.

Also, with the play, the age is 2.5 years in the other thread and 1 year in this one if I have read correctly, large dogs reach emotional and physical maturity around 3 so if he is 1 he is ‘adult’ sized but not quite fully mature yet, once he hits maturity he may not want to play and socialise with every dog he sees anymore.

Some dogs prefer to be only dogs, some prefer to have one or more companions. We have been a multi dog household for most of our dog owning years. In that time, we have had some that could live on their own, some who would have preferred to live on their own, and some that could never live on their own.

Currently we have 2 dogs, one could cope with being an only dog as she craves human affection, but the other would go insane without another dog to play with, humans just cannot run, jump and play fast enough for him. When he was an only dog he was destructive, stole stuff, counter surfed and jumped on us all the time (he was 35kg so this hurt!), still nipped, never settled etc. Since getting him a playmate he is well behaved for at least 95% of the time and is clearly much happier.

Ok,I'll contact a breed specific rescue, thank you.

Thank you for answering my question. I just feel so inadequate at making this dog happy. It's soul destroying watching him follow me around with a tennis ball in his mouth while I have to sort a child out, or just sighing and flopping down on his bed/a doormat when I can't pay attention to him because I have to do something like cook dinner. I try to give him two training sessions a day and two walks. I take him to places he can swim and run through secure woodland as he loves that. But it's not enough. Watching him this morning playing so happily with my friend's dog made me want to cry happy tears but also made me sad for him that I've dragged him into our home. Just got me thinking about if some dogs get dog-lonely.

Don't worry, I wake up every day very aware that's I've made a big mistake.

I did look at smaller breeds but they seemed a bit too hyper for young kids. I thought I'd picked a good family breed but didn't factor in strength or really quite grasp how big this breed is to a small child. Whippets seemed a good option but I was worried about their prey drive and recall.

This whole experience has put my kids off having any dogs in the house so at least I won't make the same mistake twice!

Sorry, I lied about age and breed in my original post as I was worried the original seller would recognise me. He's a 1.5 year old golden retriever. I figured labs and goldie's are similar in temperament.

I promised the previous owner a loving home but feel a massive failure at that

You haven’t ‘failed’ at all, you got a dog that needed more experience than you could give him, that’s all.
A reputable rescue can help him find the perfect home.

You should also know that resource guarding actually is a big problem in some lines of golden retriever and cocker spaniel, there is a genetic propensity to it in those two breeds (and their crosses so cockerpoos for example often guard too) so it is quite possible that even from a puppy with a ‘perfect’ upbringing he may have still developed resource guarding.

Your children might regain confidence in time and if so I’d then look at a small breed with a reputation for being calm and gentle from a really good, caring breeder.
Italian greyhounds are smaller than whippets, that might be an option to look into if you want to revisit a dog at a later stage if your children aren’t too rambunctious (Italian greys are fragile!)

It sounds like you have a lot of love for him OP, but as you've learned, love isn't enough. Well done for recognising his unhappiness and for being willing to do something about it.

Ok stern talking to coming be prepared!

You are not a shit owner, you have not failed, your dog only needs your family home he does not need another dog to leave with.

You have got a full on lively dog that will push and push for your attention and run you ragged if you let him. Two walks a day and a training session is great and if done correctly is perfect for him.

What would you say to one of your children if they cam hassling you when you were doing something with the other one. Possibly "I am busy at the minute go and do ..... and I will see you in a second"

The dog needs to learn the same. Your dog needs to learn to chill and relax and wait.

If he has a good amount of exercise and training in the day when it is just you and him he has to learn that this is not available all day. Get hims some kongs, (is this the dog that did not like kongs?) and teach him to chew natural chews)

It is fine to not give him 100% attention all the time. I see you know have a trainer so ask them to show you how to create a chill and settle time.

You sound like a very caring and great owner, your dog needs to recognise this

The worst thing that can happen to this dog is for him to live with another dog he will be on high arousal all the time and will be a nutter to live with.

But have I missed something have you decided to rehome?

Actually @PawPatrolAreOnARoll there can be a massive difference between young labradors and young goldies , I have experience of both and the goldies have always been the more boisterous and take longer to grow out of the puppy behaviour . It does sound like you are being a bit sucked in by this dog and IMO giving it way too much attention . We have a ball obsessed terrier and we don’t allow him to have balls indoors or he continually pesters , he has other toys he can play with . We also limited our indoor play with him from a very early stage so that he realised that indoors he has to entertain himself .

I trained him to use a kong using some YouTube videos. He also has a snuffle mat, a lickimat (This he has pate or lickimat granules with) and a dog food puzzle where he has to lift lids to get to his food. It now takes him 10 minutes to eat his food instead of 2 ! I just ordered some doggy peanut butter to try and up the ante with the Kong but haven't tried it yet.

I sometimes do scatter feeding in the garden lawn but need to supervise him all the time in the garden, as we realised he eats the border plants, so can't do that always. The garden is my husband's hobby so can't re-landscape it.

I just feel like he needs more mental stimulation. He spends a lot of the day without anyone paying him any attention.

And my kids haven't had much attention from me at all since he arrived. Their behaviour, toileting and sleeping has all regressed. It's all been a bit of a nightmare.

I can't tell if he likes me stroking him on an evening. He often puts his paw over the hand I'm stroking him with. Is that a bad thing?

Anyway, yes, after talking to friends and my husband yesterday about how miserable everyone is, we figured it was best to rehome.

Please go through a golden retriever rescue as he will likely be an absolutely smashing dog in the right home , at the end of the day you need to put your children first which is what you are doing .

Hi @PawPatrolAreOnARoll, if you have decided to re-home him, do you have the name and/or contact details of his breeder? I would contact them in the first instance. They may be surprised to find out that he has been re-homed once already, instead of returned to them.

If the dog was poorly socialised with humans as a pup & in the early stages, he might just be more tuned in to dog interactions than humans.
And yep, missing canine companions. I think solo dogs are much better at engaging with humans than ones who have been engaged with other dogs & largely ignored by humans through the puppy months.
It sounds like you're watching him & trying to understand him OP, and you're aware this, situation is not ideal for any of you.
I'm sure you will be able to find him a home that suits him. Good luck 🙂

Hi OP, thanks for saying hes a golden, this really helps with trying to guide you as to the best thing to do.
Generally golden owners are almost fanatical about their dogs in a way you rarely see with other breeds. He does need to go to a breed specific rescue for removing but I assure you he will be matched with the best home and new family.
They are very social dogs and mine loves to play with his friends but also gives us a lot of love and affection.
They can be quite jealous to be honest so I recognise this.
If there's one bit of advice I hope you take on board is that you join the Facebook page Golden Retrievers GB. They are a fantastic bunch of extremely knowledgeable people and will help you and guide you.
Please please get in touch on there, if not for you but your pup.
1.5 is a sod of an age to deal with in this breed anyway (and they could make a living off doing the big sad woe is me face) so don't blame yourself too much.
Please pm me if you need to know anything else but firstly join the fb page and go from there x

Ps, the paw stroking is reciprocating your touch. He might also do a little grumble which means 'don't stop stroking me please mummy' 😂

Thank you ChristmasBird. I joined that group a week or so ago and the daily Dolly photos are lovely. Makes me kind of sad that we can't make this work.

Both my kids had meltdowns yesterday when we told them the dog was finding a new home. Turns out they don't dislike him quite as much as I thought. They've both made massive efforts to talk and gently stroke him since then.

Still doesn't change the fact I don't have the time to train him. I know one training session a day might sound enough but the trainer we spoke recommended a whole list of training that he needed, which I think needs at least two if not three sessions a day.

They also recommended we stop all walks and just train him, which I tried over the weekend and he was bouncing off the walls. But then I took him for a walk and he barked in the face of a four year old who shook a branch in his face, and we were back to dog not suitable to he out in public. I don't know how people do this?! Honestly there's people at school with puppies and at least three children and they cope fine.

A training session only needs to last 5-10mins.
I also use my walks as training sessions, leadwork/recall etc.

Saying that I think your best of rehoming this dog through a reputable rescue as you don’t have the experience for him.
I would contact black retriever x rescue and get him the help he requires. Any private rehoming of this dog would be massively irresponsible.

Not walking him create a disaster. Whoever suggested this is crazy. Goldens can be hard to train but he's still just a baby really, they don't mature for a long time.
Having said that, I do t think its the best for either of you to be anything but happy.
Speak to one of the admins in theGRGB page, they have set up a rehoming group and will help you. Goldie owners really love their breed and at his age rehousing him shouldn't be a problem but if it was my house bear I would only entrust him to someone who gives you help from that group. Like I said goldie owners love their dogs more than they love themselves.
Feel free to pm me if you need any help but don't be unhappy, they can be stubborn sods and unless they've been socialised with kids since day one they can be a bit untrusting of little humans.
Don't panic, there is help. Please continue to walk him in the meantime, even just to let him have a sniff about