Are my children too young for a dog?

[SpikeTheDog]

My children are aged 5 years (ds) and 3 years (dd).
They have been brought up around my PIL's cockerpoo so have some dog experience.
We went to meet an adult dog, for sale from a private online ad, and my ds saw the dog and just ran. The dog barked and tried to take chase then kept jumping up everytime we approached. My kids were really nervous so we didn't get the dog.
I don't know if we should keep looking. I'm guessing a lot of adult dogs for rehoming at the moment will be jumpy as a lot are grown up lockdown puppies with limited training and/or socialisation.
Rescues won't rehome to us because of our children's ages. Do they have a point? Are our children just too young?

I would never get a rescue dog with young children, you don't know what the dog has been through before it comes to you.
If you want a dog with such young children get a puppy.

Look for a puppy.
Older dogs have a past that not everyone knows, they may have never been around children before.
I personally just couldn’t trust them.

If you can, try and meet other dogs before committing to anything. That could have just been a nervous reaction from your children, but it's best to be sure they are truly comfortable as they are very young.

Part of socialising a new puppy will involve meeting other dogs, which will be older. Everyone needs to be comfortable to ensure the socialisation is safe and relaxing.

Personally I would say 3 is too young for a dog unfortunately. But keep introducing your children to dogs if they are happy to do so (and dogs/dog owners are happy for the interaction to happen).

Yes. Try again when they're old enough to know if they really want one. It will be too stressful otherwise.

I would wait, an adult dog might not do well with the noise and bustle of a household with young children, it can be stressful for them when they’ve not grown up with it and you don’t know how they’ll react. Get a puppy in a couple of years when your youngest is 5/6ish.

We went to meet an adult dog, for sale from a private online ad

In the nicest way possible, this is a recipe for disaster - and I say that as someone who privately rehomed a dog, albeit through a friend.

It's a situation where

• many / most dog's owners lack the knowledge and experience to be able to correctly identify their dog's needs and any behavioural issues. DDog's last owner was very nice, and meant no harm, but couldn't have identified his issues if his life depended on it. He probably would just have told you that DDog pulled on the lead, barks at a few things and chased cats. The reality was a lot more complex, particularly with issues around reactivity (oh, and a total lack of basic training).

• there's no independent intermediary who can assess the dog's needs and suitability for a home with young children, as there would be with a rescue.

• the current owner is trying to offload their dog. They will have some motivation to minimise any behavioural issues and/or forget to mention any expensive medical issues.

The only 'safe' options are to go via a proper rescue, or to get a puppy. Realistically speaking, however, few rescues will rehome to a family with children under 5, so it's more likely going to be a matter of getting a puppy (NB choose your breeder very, very carefully and be very wary of the red flags for puppy farms) or waiting.

Don't get an older dog as you don't know their background/fondness or temperance around children.

You could get a puppy -but- how experienced are you with puppy's? If you haven't done it before then, yes wait till the kids are older.

Yes, they are. We waited until our youngest was 8.

And with children I'd get a puppy. Make sure you have plenty of time and patience. It's like having a baby that doesn't wear a nappy.

Imo, the youngest age is about 4 or 5 and even then, it depends on the personality of the child.
Our dog wasn’t bought when DS was 4, we could have easily bought a second when DD was 4 but our youngest now is 4 and I wouldn’t get a dog with him.

I also agree with PP, I wouldn’t get an adult with children as you don’t know their history.

**WAS bought when DS was 4
My first two kids were ‘easy’ sensible kids.
My youngest is not!

I think the rescues are right. I used to think they were a OTT, but we waited until our youngest was 10 and im really glad we did. Ours is a puppy though, but the training is time consuming. He eats everything on the floor and is bitey in a new puppy way and has wee accidents.

I would wait until the youngest is 5 to be honest. Even a puppy can be utterly overwhelming for little ones, especially when they're nipping, over-tired and barking, stealing the kid's toys, having zoomies, pooping and peeing where they shouldn't etc etc

You see so many young dogs who have been signed over to rescue precisely because a young family with kids as young as yours have bought a puppy and the kids are terrified of this little land shark.

Wait it out. Dogs aren't going anywhere :)

Thank you for your replies. It sounds like we need to wait. My kids are certain they want a dog. Everytime my in-laws come with their dog they ask afterwards and it doesn't help that everyone in my son's class has a dog, including the teacher, and they talk about their dogs a lot!

I have some experience helping elderly relatives feed, walk and groom their dogs but that is where my experience ends, hence looking for an adult dog. We have no experience of puppies, well bar my in-laws dog and she was an easy to train puppy.

We had a rescue lined up, bought all the kit and then found out from a friend that a Romanian rescue was a really bad idea and so pulled out of the rescue. The kids are still asking about that dog.

I think it's time to sell the dog stuff and break it to the kids that we're not getting a dog just yet. Thank you again.

I'd wait til they're a bit older tbh. The youngest is too young to understand to leave the dog alone, no matter what you think, and could get hurt. It will also be a lot for you to take on when you have young children. When the youngest is at school it will be easier as both kids should be old enough to understand your 'rules' regarding the dog, and you won't have a pre-schooler keeping you busy and potentially getting themselves hurt by the dog. Even just getting knocked over by a hyperactive puppy could cause a lot of damage.
I'd also carefully consider the size and breed. There are some dogs that are considered great with kids, but are really quite big compared to a 5 year old so could inadvertently hurt them.
Also do not fall into the trap of thinking the dog is for the kids. They will love it I'm sure, but it is your responsibility, so only get one if you really want one. Furthermore kids should never be allowed to walk a dog unless they are strong enough and mature enough to handle both their dog and any unwanted attention from other dogs.

I'd say they are too young to be getting either a puppy or a rescue dog. If you had an established adult dog before you had the kids, that would be different. They are not too young for a dog, but they are too young (IMO) for you to be getting a new dog - either a puppy or a rescue dog would likely represent some months of work with training etc.

The only exception to this would be rehoming a well behaved dog that you knew the background of eg owner has died or something similar. However these come up very rarely and would usually go to a relative or older person. My child was terrified of dogs until we got one of our own - now he is quite confident with them.

You've done the right thing re: Romanian rescue! Some of them are fine, but others are absolute behavioural disaster areas which is too big a risk with young kids. Could you volunteer to look after one of the classmates dogs for holiday/weekends away to give you and your kids some experience of ownership without the commitment?

I would wait a bit, even until your youngest is 5 then get a puppy, unless a very suitable adult comes up for rehoming. My friend got a puppy when her kids were slightly younger than yours because she wanted them to grow up with a dog and it's been a disaster, resulting in hyper untrained young dog who the kids now hate. She found it difficult to find the time to properly train/exercise the puppy and it was bad for jumping up and nipping the kids when it was little (not aggressive just play mouthing) especially when they had snacks or were running around and the kids were to little to understand so after them having several scratch marks and snacks stollen they now don't like the dog.

My ds was determined he wanted a dog. When he was 7 he campaigned for a year. Made posters trying to persuade us etc. His commitment over that length of time persuaded me he was ready.

I would still wait. They'll enjoy the dog more and will be able to participate in training classes.

We got a retired greyhound when the DC were 4 and 1. No problems really though if I did it again I would get a crate to give the dog a safe place

I would say to the kids you're leaving it until next summer. And then keep a weather eye out, register with rescues, and if anything suitable comes up between now and then, go and see it on your own first, don't tell the kids. They only need to know if it's definitely on the cards. Try smaller breed specific rescues that foster in homes. I am thinking about ones like Evesham greyhound and lurcher rescue, who are fab. They occasionally have dogs who they are happy can be homed with young children. Or I agree to get a puppy. They also have puppies sometimes.

We have a St Bernard puppy with a 3yo and 5yo. It's been a challenge at times because puppies do get bitey, but she's six months old now and this hardly happens any more. We used gates to separate them if need be. My 5yo used to be frightened of dogs but his confidence has really improved since our puppy became part of the family. He wants to groom her, feed her treats etc. It's been brilliant to see the change in him with other dogs too. They play together when she goes off lead. She's very gentle around children.

I don’t know how you would feel about a retired greyhound as they are not for everyone but we have only recently gotten one and we absolutely love him. I was like you looking for a smaller, easier dog but actually a bit of research kinda showed up the greyhound as ideal for our situation and it has proven to be correct.

The trouble with puppies is you have to watch them all the time... watch they don't chew or eat something they shouldn't, watch for signs they need the toilet, check they have eaten and drunk enough, watch they don't go somewhere they shouldn't etc.

Can you tell I'm in this phase now?! The pen / crate is a godsend but you can't put them in there all the time so they are contained when you need to attend to young children.

My youngest is 7 and I was thinking today how I could not have done it with younger children. I would have (quite rightly) prioritised supervising my DCs and that would have been unfair on the puppy. As things stand the children know not to leave anything downstairs that he can chew and my eldest is able to help out by taking the puppy for a play in the garden.

I don't know how I would be getting the dog out to the toilet etc if I wasn't able to leave the DCs safely unsupervised in the house.