Had dog pts - affected by husbands behaviour at time

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Hi, I’m not sure if this is a dog thing or a husband thing. But I thought people in this topic would understand.

At the start of lockdown we had to have our very old dog put down. Luckily we were able to be with her at the vets. They prepped her with us out the room and then let us in for the final part.

Obviously it’s a difficult experience, and I cried but tried to stay nice and calm for our dog. It was peaceful and fast. After it was over we were left with her in the room. I rearranged her and spent a moment stroking her and saying goodbye.

My husband though stood away from the table, looked angry and said “I’m done” in an angry tone. So we had to leave. When we got outside he cried.

It was an ok experience, as good as these things can be, until he brought anger into the room. When I think back to the day I am stuck on the part where it was so calm and peaceful and he brought anger. I guess people deal with things in different ways.

I dont know what I can do really, I just wanted to tell someone.

I guess people deal with things in different ways.

Yes they do. I am very sorry for the loss of your dog and glad that you could ensure a dignified and peceful end. I think your grief is turning you against your husband and I don't think that will be helpful to you. He dealt with it his way, you dealt with it yours. There is no 'right' way. You are both sad so the most important thing is to accept and respect each other so you can both grieve.

Anger can be a normal reaction. Often masking fear. Might be more usual in people that generally struggle with, or don’t really express emotions readily.
I can understand how his reaction affected you though. I had a similar experience to you when my dog was pts. My husband couldn’t stay in the room, found it unbearable.

If it's any consolation my dh can't deal with the parting of a much loved pet either. I've had numerous cats, dogs, horses and other animals over the years, and when their time comes it's always me that has to deal with it.
I think the emotions involved are just so strong, and if they've been brought up to be 'manly' and not show emotion I suspect it can be overwhelming. My dh always cries afterwards, it's just their way of dealing with it, I wouldn't overthink it, a lack of concern or no emotion would worry me more. I'm sorry you've lost your dog

My dad is the same. Sadly a lot of men feel they can’t show their emotions, especially the older generation they try and ‘man up’.
I guess it’s easier to show or feel anger than sadness.

I don't see what he did wrong. He was angry his dog had died. When we lost a family member I was filled with rage. I wouldn't have appreciated anybody telling me my feelings were wrong. You tried to create a nice environment for the dog's last moments and if I have understood correctly your DH only displayed anger after the dog had gone. His last moments were still calm. That's the important part.

He may have needed to cry but unable to do it there so was overwhelmed.

You know your husband better than anyone else, but I think he was masking his hurt and waiting until he was outside to cry. With grief many people go through all sorts of emotions. Some cry, some shout. As long as his anger wasn't directed at you or the vet, then his reaction was normal.
The question is, what is he usually like, does he have anger issues?

I think it is very normal to think about the events leading up to and your dog being pts. It is an intense emotional moment. Lots of what ifs. why, did we do the right thing, why is this happening, is our dog suffering, along with immense grief and sorrow.

What ever anybody does at the time is the right thing for them. We all react differently and we all release our emotions in different way.

I hope you can both find peace with the situation and each other.

Thanks for all your replies, they have helped me see some perspective. I think he was uncomfortable about his feelings and this came out as anger.

It does happen sometimes with him, when he’s upset with me for example, he doesn’t seem to be able to have a chat with me about it in an adult way, and instead that comes out as anger. He crosses his arms, gets a very fixed face with a small scrunched up mouth, and then tells me he’s not happy. It just feels to me such an immature way to deal with these sorts of feelings.

I think I was just sad that this part of him decided to come out again on that day.

I do think anger is a very normal reaction to grief, and many people don't like showing weakness and upset in public.

I hope you manage to find a way through it and I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely dog