Dog for child with autism: help

[Lolly2803]

Hello, I am just starting to research into getting a family dog with the idea it will be a companion for my autistic DD. I have 3 children. 3.5yr old Twins with autism (my DD more severe and non verbal. my DS very high functioning and super verbal. Very close to normal line). I also have a 21 month year old. I have read about Labradors being a good choice but wanted to ask for some advice. Has anyone got a Lab with autistic child? Or children in general? Are they good family dogs to have. Want to get some real person advice! We walk and are outside loads as a family so exercise for the dog wouldnt be an issue and I don’t work so am at home. We have a decent size 5 bed house with a garden.
Any help would be much appreciated!

Huge lab fan here so I am biased. I have 2 and despite the fact that we have no kids they are just great with any family/ friends little ones.very steady, but like all dogs you have to train them exercise them and set them up to be bullet proof. Puppies and small children can be a difficult mix.

Have you talked to any of the support organisations ? Canine Partners for example train support dogs , often Labs, but if you qualify, would train one specifically to your needs. A friend got one - he was about 18 months when he came to her.

I would go to the specialist organisations too.

My friend has a lab that failed its assessment to become a support dog for children. I thing DDog is just too lively tbh you need more than it is more placid.

So if the professional organisation can select an unsuitable puppy buying a certain breed is no guarantee.

When I looked online for dogs good for children with autism Labradors came out top. I guess as they are great all round family pets! We do like them too.
I will definitely speak to some support organisations that’s great advice thank you.

I would wait until you're youngest is 5 before bringing in a dog to be honest. You might get lucky with support organisations but it's still going to be hard work managing three toddlers and a dog, especially as even the most placid dog cannot be left in a room alone with any of them.

The children need training as much as dogs do, which will of course be harder with some more severe levels of autism. They won't be able to carry food around with them for instance, Labradors are walking dustbins and it may be too much for even the most placid one.

If you went for a puppy, all puppies bark, wee on things they shouldn't, and will nip and run around like lunatics, regardless of breed. That can be LOT for little people, even ones without autism, to handle.

My grandparents had a lovely older Labrador when I was a toddler. He was very patient with me. However, he loved to shout very loudly at the bin men. And the house still had chew marks on the doors 30 years after he'd gone.

I wouldn’t get a puppy with that age DC full stop... and adding autism in as well makes it trickier. My DS was a teenager with our last puppy and he found it massively stressful having an unpredictable often noisy, bitey thing running about.

It’s also not a sure thing that any dog until fully trained will make a good companion for your DD.

Your best bet is an organisation...

I agree with PP. Get expert advice.

We have a golden retriever. She's amazing with my DC, one of whom is autistic. I couldn't recommend the breed enough. We found a knowledgeable breeder who had previously bred dogs who went on to be therapy dogs. Our Ddog is so gentle and loving toward all our DC, she's only two and has always been a calming influence even when she was a pup. But she's still a dog who requires supervision at all times,. especially with an unpredictable human such as a child.

I am going on a course run by a charity who provide service dogs for children with autism. They give advice on training, family life and how dogs can help children with autism. I’m not sure what the chances would be on actually getting a therapy/service dog. Seems quiet slim from what I’m reading. My sister has a dog and all my DC are fine with it and it’s definitely not the right type of dog for our family life. Too jumpy and loud! I have spoken to a few people with Labs and they highly recommend them.

I have a lab and one of the reasons I chose that breed was because I thought he would be good for my autistic daughter. She occasionally pets him but he's a big dog and if he leans against her, can send her off balance. She's 10. He's a gentle giant but still very much a teenager and quite strong with it, so it will be another couple of years before I would imagine there'll be much benefit to her from having him around. She's much more comfortable with the cats.

So I suppose what I would say is that while labs are good breeds, bear in mind that there's downsides to having such a big strong dog around as well. And that the children may not interact much with it. If you're getting a dog, get it for yourself, not for them.

“I’m not sure what the chances would be on actually getting a therapy/service dog. Seems quiet slim from what I’m reading.”

Yep, but, there’s a reason for that - it takes years to train them and they don’t all make it through.

Take guide dogs, they’re bred to do it, as in they have their own breeding programme, they’re raised and trained to train to be guide dogs, then they’re actually trained to be guide dogs... and at every point in that process dogs fail and are withdrawn from the programme.

Other forms of support dog don’t even have the breeding programme so it’s even dicier and it’s hugely labour intensive.

So honestly, the chances of being able to just get a lab puppy and managing to train it yourself to do anything like that are pretty slim.

If you want a dog, for you and were going to wait till your youngest was in school - labs are usually a pretty good family pet.

But puppies and autism is hard going, honestly, my DS likes dogs fine, the puppy wasn’t our first dog... he just find it really stressful.

Oh yes I don’t imagine I could train it to be a service dog I just meant train it in general. As you would need to train any dog.
I think anything with autism is hard! But I was just thinking if it helped a little or bought her even a bit of joy it would be worth it. And something I’d definitely want to do. We love dogs and would have got one regardless. But want to make sure we get the right breed because of the autism element.

“But I was just thinking if it helped a little or bought her even a bit of joy it would be worth it.”

I mean pet dogs are great, lol, and you’ll get loads of stories of how dogs “help” DC with autism... but I always give the warning of my DS, because he really did find the first 6 months or so just miserable and stressful - and he never took to that dog because he just never got over what a wee brat it was.

He was a teenager, so much easier to avoid the puppy, but he still found it really hard going, where DD who is NT, didn’t enjoy the puppy part, but coped better and got over it.

It also wasn’t a huge issue because the dog was for me anyway.

I would wait until DC are older. I had similar thoughts about a companion for DS who has ASD but realised what I wanted was a fully trained therapy dog which we would never have been eligible for, especially as DS was terrified of dogs! So I waited until he was about 8 before indulging my dog whims. I bought a puppy because I thought that a rescue would not be suitable and I think that I made the right choice.

My chosen dog was a small-medium breed - small enough to not pull DS over, but big/robust enough to not break if say DS fell on him. The bitey/mouthy puppy stage was not particularly fun as DS and dog basically needed constant supervision. My pup was very nippy but lab puppies are pretty mouthy too.

Pros:- DS stopped being scared of dogs almost overnight. Ddog (and his antics) has changed the focus in our family and DS and Ddog almost behave like siblings sometimes. The dog has improved DS's confidence slightly as he will talk to people about the dog (sometimes).

Cons:- The biting stage! DS does not really play with or interact much with the dog. Hard to find time/energy to walk/train dog around work and family life. DS does not like us training the dog and will try and get him to do the opposite. I have had some odd reactions from others when out and about when the dog was boisterous and my son bouncy or giggling or squealy.

Overall I'm glad we have a dog but I think a cat would have been a better choice for DS as he seems to have an instant connection with most cats.

Friends chose a Maine coon kitten in the end for their ASD DD, it's worked out really well tbh.

Sorry, I don’t know if PP have asked this but have your children spent time with puppies? Even labs can be very bitey and crazy in the early days. If your children have any sensory issues this can be really tricky to manage. I would really suggest spending some quality time with puppies and young dogs before you commit. We have a wonderful lab who is just brilliant but the responsibility is enormous. Sorry if this sounds cautious but our youngest is 4yrs and I would say she is the lower end of a good age to get a dog.

I have just seen recommendations for cats and I would agree with this. We have cats and the therapy they offer is enormous.

So my sisters dog is jumpy and will lick and bark when you come In and none of them mind that at all. My youngest thinks it’s hilarious! My DD with ASD I’d say likes sensory feedback but isn’t extreme with it. She is used to the craziness of the other two and kind of takes it in her stride although has her room to retreat too if she needs. That’s a good idea about spending time with dogs before hand. I shall explore that.
We are not cat people. I’m allergic to start with and we definitely want a dog. We would have wanted one regardless of any children with additional needs. I was planning if we do get one to get one at the end of the year so the twins would be 4 and a half and my youngest 2 and a half. She youngest is very good and although she is young I wouldn’t worry so much about her.

It would still be my recommendation to wait until the youngest is in school. Having a dog and three kids not at school is going to like having 4 young kids, but one of them is much hairier and can’t be left with the other three alone, even for a second to make a cup of tea.

It will also be a burden when you want to go out and do little kiddy activities, when we’re allowed to again. The dog can’t go into play spaces at parks. The dog won’t be welcome at birthday parties or soft play centres or zoos and it may take months before the dog can be left alone for more than an hour, some dogs may never get used to it and suffer separation anxiety, it all comes down to the individual dog. So it could mean you with three little ones at the park and other half on dog sitting duties.

You can try acting it out with a soft toy. Pick a good sized one and either you or your other half has to have sight of it at all times and it can’t ever be alone with the kids. The second you lose sight of it, that’s when there’s a poop on the floor, something has been peed on, food has been stolen, a toy that wasn’t the dogs has been chewed or the dog has nipped one of the kids because they tried to take something from him.

Ah cats are out then.

I think it is the biting that lots of kids struggle with as it hurts. I sound negative as our friends have just returned a pup after a very short period as their son was unable to cope with it.

We are also an outdoorsy family but for the first few years you really have to be on it with the puppy outside and it does in some ways compromise family walks. I can’t go in the play park with our youngest now. Constantly being observant for other dogs. Working on recall etc. We have a child with SEN too. He loves our dog but he also needs a lot of training as to how to interact with her as does our youngest.

Sorry it sounds like I am raining on your parade and our dog is wonderful and adds so much to our life but I would honestly leave it for a couple of years.

Thanks all for the advice. I shall definitely really mull it all over. So much to consider and I definitely don’t want to rush into it and make a mistake.

My eldest ds has ASD and our dogs (Lurchers) have been amazing with and for him - BUT - we have always had dogs, had three when he was a baby/toddler and he never took even the slightest bit of interest in them until he started secondary school. It was like something clicked at that point, he was drawn to them lounging around on their beds and would head straight over to them, ignore everyone else and sit with them quietly for at least hour, decompressing, as soon as he was through the front door after the school day.

He finds their presence calming and soothing and the fact they love him unconditionally a breath of fresh air after navigating social situations at school all day.

They had such a positive influence on him that his Ed Psych reported their importance as a coping strategy for him in his ECHP.

He is almost 19 now, still very bonded with the dog we have left and still sits with him when he’s feeling overwhelmed.

So I’m another that would suggest waiting until your dcs are older to get a dog. I already had two of mine when my ds1 and ds2 were born. They were middle aged, so already trained and very used to young children, from being around my nieces and nephews. My third dog was an unexpected rescue puppy, when ds1 was almost 4 and ds2 was 18 months old and having a pup and two very young children was pretty full on, even with dh wfh as well as me being a SAHM. We took on our last rescue when that pup was 7 and our only remaining dog. Dd was three and a half and in nursery half-days and obviously, both her brothers were in school full time. It was much easer to manage a pup and give him the time he needed in that scenario.

Jumping, licking and barking are all fairly typical in a lab. They’re friendly but excitable dogs.

You aren’t going to like what I’m going to say, but I really don’t think you should get a dog. It wouldn’t be fair on the dog and would be a massive increase in stress for you.

I have an autistic 4 year old and a dog (we had the dog first) and the battle to keep them safe from each other and meet both their needs is a nightmare, and that’s just with one child, Nevermind a twin. You need to ask yourself very seriously if your family dynamic would be fair on a dog.

“I think it is the biting that lots of kids struggle with as it hurts.”

Yep, puppies mouthing sounds like it’s not a big deal... but they bite hard and have the sharpest tiny teeth.

Well that and that it is actually quite hard going if about half the time you try to cross a room you end up with a puppy attached to your ankle...

In the first series of 10 Puppies and Us they had a family who got a puppy as a therapy dog for their young son who had autism and down's sydrome. I think is the main episode, but there are others on YouTube. From what I remember they were training the dog themselves and it gave some interesting insight into how much training was involved etc. Might be worth a watch.

Thank you so much I will definitely watch this!!