When did you stop grieving over pet?

[Lizbiz89]

I put my beautiful boy to sleep on Tuesday. He had been diagnosed with bone cancer 6 weeks prior from an x ray and we brought him home to be spoiled for his remainder weeks. The whole thing has been really hard on me. I thought I was prepared for it all but since putting him to sleep I have been absolutely heartbroken. I keep crying and I just miss him so much. I keep thinking back to Tuesday and feel awful. I know it's incredibly personal but I just wanted to know when you started to feel better? I don't want to feel sad anymore 😢.

Pretty quickly, but I'm generally not one to dwell on such things. It may sound callous, but my DM recently had to have her cat PTS and she had adopted another within the month. It really seemed to help her move on by giving her something else to focus on, though she does still miss her last cat and the new one will never replace him. Might be an idea?

I'm so sorry. We had to put our girl to sleep three years ago and even thinking about that day is sad. I cried for about a week which is not like me at all, my teenagers had never really seen me cry before. She was our first dog and we had her as a pup, she will always be my best girl. It was so tough but you will feel better soon.
We didn't get another dog until last year, the thought of going through the same pain again some day kept putting me off but you can't live like that. Love our new girl and wish we'd got another dog sooner tbh.
I hope you're ok, you'll feel better soon. You did the right thing but it doesn't feel like that at the time.

It's been 7 years and I'm still not over it! Kya was a staffy my son was 4 when she died and they were best friends. She truly was the best dog ever. We had to get her pts at 8. I don't think I could go through that again so it's really put me off getting another

My last cat Millie died fairly young feb 2018... I was devastated as she was my baby (I sadly am childless) & it's only recently that the pain has felt less raw.
I can't believe how bad I felt to be honest...

I adopted another rescue cat fairly soon after Millie died because I didn't want an empty house, it was too soon really but it's lucky for the cat I adopted that I did take her on as she's been a challenge that maybe other people would have found too much.
It took time as she's extremely nervous but I've really bonded with my new rescue cat.

I know quite a few others who have really grieved for their cats & dogs too, it's quite normal as they are a big part of your life plus they are such innocent creatures so it's sad when bad things happen to them.

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss @Lizbiz89 it will get better but you will always think about him, it will just become less painful with time.

I do think that getting another pet after a reasonable amount of time is a good idea, maybe a rescue animal, as it's rewarding & helps to focus your mind on helping & loving another animal.

Obviously though you can't replace your old dog as he was unique.

I found this really helpful when I was in the overwhelming grief stage:

psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-the-ball-the-box#6

It does get better, but it takes time. You're hurting so much because of how much you loved your dog. What a lucky, lucky boy he was, to have been loved so much.

Thank you for all of the kind messages. It really means a lot. We did decide to get another dog and she's arriving in April. I couldn't not have another dog as I've been brought up around them my whole life. My boy was the first dog I properly owned with my husband though. Every day seems to get a little better but nights are still so hard. He was quite young (would have been 7 on Friday). If it wasn't for that awful bone cancer he would still be with us.

For me, it was around 6 months after when I adopted 2 cats but it never left me. I still felt guilty and questioned my decision up until about 3 months ago when I found a video I'd taken 4 months before she was PTS that showed how she was walking, she was never going to get better.

I've got dpup now and I still miss Daisy but I rejoice in having a pup as she was 7 when I rescued her.

So sorry for your loss btw, it is so hard.

@StrawberryFizz26 yes that's how I feel! I feel consumed with sadness and guilt. He was as sharp as anything still but just in so much pain. He was on all of the pain medication he could possibly be on but in the end it wasn't covering the pain. It would have been a much easier decision if it had been of general old age. The whole thing makes me feel so sad and I just hope that I made the right decision to take pain away for him.

It's hard to say. I lost my dog last summer and still miss him, but the raw sense of grief and shock has gone. I think that took several weeks to subside gradually.

We haven't been able to get another dog as yet, so there is still a dog shaped hole in our lives. With the two cats I have lost, I have always got another cat within a couple of months and I found that really helped - the business of settling a new cat and getting to know them distracts from the sense of loss. Hopefully when your new doggie arrives you will find the same.

Sorry for your loss .

lizbiz89 It doesn't make it and easier but you 100% have done the kindest thing for your beloved dog. It's the hardest part of being an owner and if he was never going to get better, ending his pain was the best thing.

The vet wouldn't have pts if its wasn't the right thing.

My vet said to me at the time, I'm really sorry we've gotten here so quickly with Daisy but I wish more owners would do it at this stage.

I think the "guilt" and questioning yourself just goes to show how much we loved our dogs and it's a completely natural reaction to have.

Be kind to yourself & give yourself time to process.

I made a photo canvas of Daisy and hung it on the wall above her bed and have her ashes in a display cabinet in the lounge.

Sending you

I'm sorry to hear about your dog, so sad. It's hard to let them die, even when it's the right thing to do. I hope your new dog brings happiness though.

I had my beautiful cat pts in March 2017 and I think of him a lot. He was like a living teddy bear, and he liked to say hello first thing in the morning by coming for a cuddle and giving lots of kisses. He also greeted me when I got home. I miss the softness of his fur, his endless love and his beauty. One day we will get another but I will never forget him.

Recently I ordered a photo book of him, all the best, sweetest photos all gathered together. Honestly I look at it a lot and just smile! He certainly did a lot of lying around draped on things!!

I just hope that I made the right decision to take pain away for him

How could it possibly not have been? What other possible motive could you have had than love, given that it was the absolute last thing you wanted to do?

I think he's lucky to be loved so much that you would choose to exchange his pain for yours, which is essentially what you've done.

Grieving isn't a job you get over and done with. It's a long process and you may sometimes, forever, well up when you think of him. And other times laugh. But bear in mind that you wouldn't be in such pain if you didn't love him so much, and he knew that you loved him that much.

Guilt seems misplaced in this situation.

@something2say I also printed out my favourite pics of my cat Millie & put them in an album, which really helped.

Tehmina23 ah its sweet isn't it.

Do you ever wonder if your animale will greet you when you go to heaven, or be one of the souls to lead you into the light? (!!!)

Thanks for all of the replies. @Eckhart I don't think I made the wrong decision but I guess it's just the final afternoon that haunts me slightly. I wanted him to be pts at home but because of the lockdown we had to take him to the vets. He hated the vets so the thought that I had caused him anxiety in his last moments absolutely breaks my heart. I knew it was the right decision but feel his last moments could have been a lot calmer for him 😥

My dog died aged 18 in 2014 and I’m still grieving. We got a puppy last month but I still feel so sad.

eckhart wise words indeed. Very well put.

My dog had bone cancer too and died a week before his 7th birthday. A year on and I am still utterly heartbroken.

I had him put to sleep as soon as he was diagnosed. He would have lasted a few more weeks on strong painkillers, but I would not put him through a minute’s pain for my sake. The poor boy was needing to wee 20 times an hour and was miserable

I was comforted by reading on here “better two weeks too early than a minute too late” regarding putting to sleep. My only concern was sparing my lovely dog any pain.

@IrmaFayLear you are so right! My boy was ok on his pain relief for the the first month as his cancer wasn't too far gone when he was diagnosed. We decided not to amputate as he was a bullmastiff so wouldn't have coped on 3 legs. On Tuesday I just knew it was time as he couldn't settle and came up to tell me. He was always very good at telling me when he wasn't happy. I know I did the right thing but god it breaks my heart.

Never to be fair. It just sinks a little deeper. I’m crying now as I type.

I have residual guilt. Did I do enough? Was it the right time?

I miss him every day.

I remember crying for 2 weeks when my lovely Cavalier King charles died. It took me a very long time to think of her without feeling very tearful and nearly 5 years on I have this longing to see her which I do not think will ever go away. Even if I could, getting another dog would seem disloyal somehow.

My dog was a Cavvy crimsonlake. They really are so special.

@something2say it's a nice thought, meeting pets & obviously family members again in heaven but to be honest I find it hard to believe in.. Ive seen a lot of death in my job so I think we just have this life & those we have lost live on in our hearts & memories, in the case of family members in our genes too.

It's just over 6 weeks since I lost my gorgeous girl and I can now remember her with some laughter as well as tears. I do miss her more than anything and I often have a little cry but the shock and pain that consumed the first couple of weeks is easing. It's so hard and I'm thinking of you and all those on this thread who have lost a beloved animal, but believe you made the best decision for him and he knew was very much loved.