Husband wants a dog but I don't...

[ZigZagInToTheBeach]

DH is desperate for us to get our own dog and I'm really not keen at all on the idea. Had anyone been in this situation and what did you end up doing? I'm sorry if anyone is upset by my words below but I feel that I'm being realistic.

For a bit of background, neither of us have owned a dog but we have been borrowing a wonderful young Cockapoo through Borrow My Doggy for the past 5 years. She spends the day with us once a week and has come on holiday with us a couple of times. We all adore her and personally I think she provides the perfect balance for us. Although I love her company, I don't want the responsibility or time commitment of owning a dog and having one in our lives full time. I certainly don't feel that I currently have the headspace for dog training, I'm just starting to enjoy having a slower start to my days off and I don't relish the idea of early wake ups, I don't want us to be restricted with how long we can be out of the house every day because there's a dog that we need to get back to, I don't want us to have to work our days around dog walks and I feel that I would resent that, I don't want my garden to be covered in dog poo but I also don't want to be going out to pick it up every time the dog was let outside.

DH has said that he would take the vast responsibility for a dog but I'm not sure that would be fair on the dog, plus once this pandemic is over its quite possible that he will be working out of the house for 2-3+ days a week. If it's on a day I'm working it's highly likely that DH's friend will take care of the dog in exchange for us looking after his dog when necessary which I feel just gives us another dog to be taking care of when I don't even want the one.

If you're not both 100% on board, you shouldn't get a dog, otherwise it's just not fair on anyone. You'll both end up resentful and all it will do is cause arguments.

We have a dog and it wouldn't be possible if we weren't both 100% up for all the work involved. Toilet training, sleepless nights, walks, training, play, feeding....planning days out around the dog, planning meals out and evenings out around the dog...it's a lot of work and it's very restrictive even if you are 100% on board with it all.

Never get a dog unless you both want one.

I agree with previous posters, unless you both want a dog 100% it will never work. Owning a dog is a big responsibility, not something to enter into half heartedly.

Definitely don’t get a dog. If you did, it would inevitably cause arguments and resentment between you & DH and it would be completely unfair on the poor dog.

You see I have to agree with the above. I am desperate for a dog-had them growing up; doesn't feel like a proper family home without one, but dp is opposed so it's a no. I actually think it could split us up eventually because I want one so much but as I work and he doesn't can't have one. I'm constantly pissed off that if I was the one who didn't work i could have one, so once the kids are schooled I intend to cut back massively with the work, work mainly from home and get a dog. He can then decide whether he wants to share the house or not...

It's a no here from me too - having a puppy has just about broken me, and I was on board with the project!

It's the little things - never mind a leisurely morning, I'd just like to be able to have my morning crap before having to take the dog out for hers.

Definitely one of those situations where no trump's yes.

We had this situation in our house and the kids & dh were desperate for a dog. I didn’t as it’s just another thing to do. However, they won me over and so has the dog! I would never be without him now. He’s been my saviour during the pandemic and he’s just part of the family.

Write down the entire financial aspect op. On paper a ddog might not be so appealing then..
Vaccine costs.
Kennel costs.
Insurance.
Food.
Neutering.
Vet actual consultation costs - before quotes for treatment.
Beds /toys/blankets /bowls .
Added replacement furniture /furnishings /wallpaper costs... .
Leads /harness /crate costs.
And the cost of an actual dpuppy.
Phew!!

God no don't get a dog.

I was the one that wanted one and I was the one that waited 20+ years until it was the right time. I was the one that all the training and responsibility fell on.

But my god I didn't realise the effort and responsibility it took. I had puppy blues and really struggled and yes we had family dogs I was responsible for them as a child but it is nothing like owning your own.

My DH went along with it because he knew how much I wanted a dog but both of us had regrets. Yes we are totally besotted with him now and can't imagine life without him but if one of us had hated the idea it would have driven a wedge in our relationship.

A dog impacts everyone. They are a tie unless you are heartless and are happy to leave a dog in house all day without the ability to toilet. They cost money. They can be noisy, dirty and a pain in the arse.

Mine is 4 years old and is going through a phase of wanting to poo at 4am. We both love him so it's just one of those things but we both work full time so imagine how that would be if you hated the dog. My work is flexible so a dog barking on the background isn't a problem but for some jobs WFH that would be problematic.

Never, ever get a dog unless both of you are 100% in agreement. It will be unfair to the dog, and it will negatively impact your marriage. Doing the Borrow My Doggie is nice, but it is in no way the actually reality of having a dog 24/7 and being totally responsible for it's care. Not even remotely close. What you've been doing is a novelty, not reality.

My dog is a cavapoo. He sleeps on the sofa until DH gets him up at 7am, when he gets up for work, then he comes upstairs and jumps on the bed with me and lazes there. At weekends we don't fetch him til 8:30 and he will sleep on our bed happily til I get up, even if that's not til 11.

I feel like it's well deserved after 4 poor sleeper kids.

DH is not a dog person AT ALL but agreed we could get a puppy in Sept 2019 - after 15 years together. Two DC really wanted a dog as well.
I thank my lucky stars our Dog is an absolute star, was an easy puppy & is just what we need. If he was more trouble or just not the right fit DH would be pretty pissed off. I took a very well researched gamble, DH trusted me, it paid off.
They now race canicross together, Dog LURVES him. I wouldn't say 'I told you it would be ok' though ever, as I think I was massively flukey in finding Dog.

Do not give in.
It’s like agreeing to having another baby that you don’t really want.
Dogs require so much time and care. Even nice ones.
It sounds like you’ve got a nice compromise situation going as it is.

Yes as PP said you might be lucky and get the right dog. But ...mine was sick and accident prone and we spent many months with me getting up every hour in the night because he was ill and then many weekends at the emergency vets. One year we had to attend the vets on Xmas day and New Year's Eve. If I hadn't want a dog I would have been bloody pissed off at that.

My Dh decided 9yrs ago he wanted a dog, discussed it with the DC, researched the breed. I had zero interest in having a dog, they assured me they would be dealing with the dog and taking him out. A friend was a breeder and the dog arrived. Truly horrendous, caused so many arguments, the pup whined all night for days. Right from day 1 my DH decided the dog should be in our room. I put my foot down. organised puppy training which my DH ignored. He was a crap owner, didnt prioritise dog walking, low and behold I ended up taking the dog out, sorted out his feeding regime, removed him from the room while we were eating, stopped everyone giving him human food as he had bad allergies and dealt with his medication and weekly bathing he needed.

Just to add suddenly holidays became a nightmare, had to look for dog friendly places, kennels are expensive, friends didnt want a dog coming to there home for weekends so they dropped off too...and to top it all my dog ended up not being very child friendly....so as much as he is now 9, i do love my dog but when he dies i will never get another

We have a 7 month old cocker spaniel. My DH didn't want a dog. Myself and my son did. It's tough in the first few months, we argued so much because of sleep deprivation and the attention a puppy needs. Every time something happened I got blamed and every time I moaned about being tired etc or asked for help I was told "you wanted a dog, I didn't" so unless you have a very supportive DH don't do it! DH loves the dog, he always has but the first few months really took a big toll.

@Daisy829

We had this situation in our house and the kids & dh were desperate for a dog. I didn’t as it’s just another thing to do. However, they won me over and so has the dog! I would never be without him now. He’s been my saviour during the pandemic and he’s just part of the family.

You see, that's what you don't realise @ZigZagInToTheBeach, you end up loving a dog as part of your family. You won't love the dog you borrow, it's just not the same.

Some of the things putting you off, don't really happen if you organise your dog properly. For example, our dog doesn't get out of her basket until we get up. Having said that, when they are small they do need to go out for their toilet more often but that soon passes. So early wakes up are very short lived. Once you fall in love with your dog, you'll just arrange your working life appropriately without even thinking about it.

Our garden is never covered in poo. She gets taken for a walk, twice a day, morning and evening and the poo happens then. You soon get used to clearing up and don't even think about it.

Anyway, I'm a massive dog lover and my life would be so much the poorer without my dog. She gives so much for so little.

I am a dog lover so the negatives aren't too bad but I realise that anyone who isn't fond of dogs won't 'get it' and will find any minor inconvenience a bloody major inconvenience.

Once you fall in love with your dog, you'll just arrange your working life appropriately without even thinking about it.

But that doesn't mean it's not a pain, and that it won't cause resentment in the long run for someone who never wanted a dog in the first place.

Not everyone grows to adore their dogs. Some dogs are very hard work. They could be reactive, they could have separation anxiety, or they could end up having an issue like resource-guarding. Those are issues that are hard enough to deal with when you love your dog, but if you never wanted them to begin with, then the resentment will soon grow.

Not all dogs are "easy" and slot in to family life.

We have a dog, she was 2 when she moved in. I adore her but I still have zero desire for a puppy and all the training that goes with it!!

Don't do it - dogs are really hard work, and it's not like a baby human that you fall in love with. Obviously some people do, but you should both be on the same page before committing.

At the moment covid means no travelling, but what will you do about holidays? Or even going to friends/family overnight? What about day trips?

It's a really tough ride, worth it for some, but not to be entered into lightly.

I am glad that you are thinking really carefully about this rather than jumping straight as (like many lockdown puppy buyers over the past few months)

You would probably make a great dog owner since you fully appreciate the commitment involved, but unless you are both enthusiastic you should swerve it

Thank you for all the comments. It's reassuring to know that I'm right to be saying no.

DH and I wanted dc to have the experience of having a dog like we did as kids.
6 years on we don't regret it because dc love them so but we aren't having another.
They aren't a bad dog but they are a huge tie and really don't like people in our house which is a pain.

Just read through my own advice and absolutely laughed!!
We have 4 ddogs and absolutely did not take anything from that list on board!!