Getting a dog before having kids

[Bells3032]

Dh and I always said we'd get a dog. Probably after we have kids as obv having a baby and a dog at the same time is a lot and don't want to end up with the dog getting jealous and having to give the baby away :-p

However, we are now having to go through ivf and the process is gonna take a lot longer than anticipated and I am desperate for a dog (FYI grew up with and had dogs of my own).

So I come to you MN dog lovers to ask if I am insane to consider a dog at this point and if not how do I go about getting one without funding puppy farms etc. Most shelters won't rehome if there will be young kids around.

Also how to we ensure the dog can handle a baby when it does eventually make an appearance? I really don't want to risk making the dog jealous.

Was thinking maybe a king charles

I'm really sorry but I think it's a terrible idea.
I can understand the huge desire for a dog - I had it myself, and no doubt with the added broodiness of IVF the feeling must be strong. But I would really really caution against getting a dog just before you plan to have a baby. Having a baby is such hard work, it restricts your movements and you will be run ragged and totally exhausted. Adding a young dog into the mix makes things that extra level harder.
Toddlers and dogs are also a really tricky combo.

So many dogs are rehomed in the first year or two of their owners having kids.

I think timing is everything.

Getting a dog before baby? Yes, absolutely...it's what we did. But we did it 3 years before a baby so our lovely DDog is now as adult, over the puppy biting stage, welcoming to our DC who is still a toddler and able to cope with the noise an disruption. We still have to be hugely vigilant over them as DC has a tendency to try and 'play' with DDog who will tolerate things up to a point and then give a low warning growl that he's not happy. We never leave them alone and are always right inbetween them

If DDog had been any younger than 18 months it would have been a nightmare. He would still not have been predictable offlead, he certainly wouldn't have coped with the change of a baby and was still going through mad moments himself.

However, getting a puppy with a young toddler (if you wait) almost would have been worse! Toddlers don't quite understand and the 5 months of real puppy training etc was very nearly as bad as having a newborn (nearly!)

Is there some middle ground of perhaps adopting a slightly older, more mature dog and spending the time pre pregnant training and socialising him? I do credit my dog with lifting me out of PND and forcing me out of the house for walks on days when I didn't want to face anything. And our DC adores him and its really helped him socialise. I just think puppy and baby is a bad idea!

You can’t leave a dog - any dog - alone with a baby or toddler. Ever. So it is stressful having both at the same time. People do it, but I wouldn’t.

I got our collie when my baby was around 6 months old. It was the best time for us as we had time to settle dog in when I was on maternity leave. We had zero problems. But it relies heavily on the dog. Each dog is different. Some dogs wouldn't like to have their home intruded by a baby others wouldn't be bothered. My best friend had her rottweiler before kids and she was the best dog with children I've ever known.

We got ddog when I was pregnant with twins. Best decision ever. If we hadn't of got him then it wouldn't have been until the kids were older and I wanted them to grow up with him.

They were never left alone and I credit him for saving my sanity in the early days and forcing us all out for a walk.

Personally I wouldn't do it. My dear dog died when my son was a baby, and it wasn't until that 'baby' was 13 that we got another dog!

The WORK involved in small children is insane: I couldn't have managed that and managed the dog. And my youngest slept for 45min stretches for 18 whole months, she screamed constantly, and she bit and hit everything and everyone. There is no dog on the planet that would have coped with that. I barely did.

You will have to be on guard all the time: as another poster said, you can never, never, never leave the dog alone with the baby/toddler, even if you're just 'nipping' to the loo or to get a cup of tea. It's not fair on dog or on child, and it applies whether you have the best-trained mutt in all the known world. Add in other people's babies/toddlers/young children (as you will have them to your house lots) and it becomes even harder.

Honestly, it's so much better to wait. We all ADORE our dog, we all take part in her training, we all have the time to walk her, play with her and pick up her insane amounts of poo :) She's a proper family dog because we all are old enough to be involved in her care.

I thought it was insane. We always said we'd wait til. The youngest was at. Least 7 before getting a dog. Don't mind if it's a puppy or older dog.

I just want one so badly

I'd wait @Bells3032
If you have your baby and get a dog and the dog hurts the baby badly you would never forgive yourself.

I know it's hard.

Getting a dog right now would be a terrible idea. Don't do it.

What a tricky one.

Trouble is waiting for baby to happen before dog is that if you’re struggling to conceive it might not happen at all... not everyone has success with ivf sadly.

Personally I have a CKCS and whilst no dog should be left with a baby / toddler I would say they are just the most easy going and flexible dogs that , now he’s 18 months it’d be fine. He’s very Velcro though , you’d end up sitting for hours beneath both dog and baby 😂

The biggest problem is getting a good breeder and affording a lock down puppy. I certainly would do it now because of that but in a few months maybe.

I loved having ddog while going through ivf, something to give routine and care and joy. Our adult rescue will have been with us 3 years by the time baby is here. I wouldn't have got a puppy knowing babies were likely as they are so much work. Instead we went for a calm ish breed and one we knew some history about, I'm pretty optimistic that he'll cope well and we are prepared to put the effort in to make it work.
It takes time to get a dog though, whether waiting for a good rescue match and homechecks or a litter of puppies, how soon will you be going through ivf?

I bought my puppy when my eldest was four then went on to have more children.
My dog is an absolute sweetheart with children, I’ve had no problems with aggression or anything but I do regret it.
Kids take up so much of your time, it’s hard to devote enough attention with young children in tow.
They are real noisy and unpredictable and prone to massive swings of mood aswell which I think a lot of dogs find stressful.

Oh man I SO get your dog-urge. I had it so bad too. We did wait - my youngest is now 4.5 and my oldest 7, and we just rehomed a 1yr old dog from Spain. He's an absolute darling and the kids adore him.

One of my best friends had to rehome her 3yr old Frenchie when her son was about 1 - the dog (who had been her baby for the first three years of its life) became super-stressed around her son once he was mobile. They live in a flat, without much room to separate the two, and the whole situation was unworkable, even with help from a behaviourist. She tried everything but in the end had to rehome the dog with another family member (where it is now very happy). It was really heartbreaking.

What about thinking of fostering in the meantime? There are loads of rescues that need fosters - and it would give you the dog company and sense of focus, and would help you think through the logistics long-term?

We thought about fostering but none of the places near us do fostering at least at the moment

OP whereabouts are you? Maybe none of the main rescues are doing fostering but I bet you could find a smaller rescue who are looking for fosters. Try Greyhound Protection UK?

I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant and have a 5 month old sprocker spaniel.

We got him at 8 weeks then discovered I was pregnant about 7 weeks later. All being well he will be 1 by the time the baby arrives.

Obviously I can't say for certain how it's going to go but we are working really hard on his training now, particularly manners and being calm in the house. My DH is very rigorous with his training and I have to say although he does have ratbag moments and is starting to test boundaries, he is turning into a really lovely boy. We would never leave him alone with the baby once here so we are working on building up his confidence spending time alone with a nice chew etc. I've read loads about introducing baby stuff/babies to dogs which we will follow.

We are also really lucky that we have family close by to help with walking (parents have spaniels too) if needs be.

I love our boy so much, he really did lift me out of a tough time so im very determined to do everything I can to make it work and I hope they grow up thick as thieves.

No. Wait until you have a child and that child is maybe four years old before getting a dog. I did read what you said about IVF and I hope you are successful; I still stand by what I said about dog.

PS (pressed too soon): I've known so many couples who had a dog, then had a baby and couldn't cope with both so the dog had to go.

I know someone who was having trouble conceiving. They bought a lab off a reputable breeder. Then later fell pregnant. It was fine. The issue is working hard to train the dog before the child arrives. Considering how to make sure the dog gets enough attention and exercise if a baby arrives. And using stairgates etc to keep the child safe.