Dog has lost confidence

[Champagneforeveryone]

We recently had our oldest boy PTS (10 days ago ) We have two younger dogs aged 7 and 8.

DDog3 has been noticeably mopey in the house and has spent a lot of time curled up in his bed. DDog2 has been a little quiet but mostly indifferent.

Due to DDog3's anxiety she will not walk with DH and appears to trust me implicitly to keep her safe. She refuses to leave the house with DH and prefers to stay at home if he's in charge of walks. There's been no change in her largely hysterical behaviour out of the house.

DDog2 has always been DH's dog and to a certain extent has always been indulged (but that's another story) Since losing DDog1, DH has been noticing how subdued he is on his walks. He will not approach other dogs and tries to jump up at DH to avoid them - previously he would rarely engage but was largely unconcerned by their presence. He stays very close to DH and will not spend time sniffing or exploring (he's a working cocker, that's kind of his job!)

I took them both this morning after work and he was entirely different. Completely bonkers and almost uncontrollable, he spent large portions of the walk on a lead as I felt I didn't have enough control over him (and I'm the one who does the training and normally has control) Its like having DDog3 with him restored his confidence (if you actually met DDog3 you would snort at the very idea of her providing emotional support in any form)
DH took him out later and says he's back to his subdued self again. I literally do not recognise the description of this behaviour as the dog I walked this morning.

So how to help him? I hope time will help, but in the meantime DH probably indulges the behaviour which reinforces it. He still appears keen to go out, but does not enjoy it as much when he gets there.

Hopeful bump

I’m so sorry that you lost your Ddog, OP. That must have been awful & heartbreaking. I know I can’t help but I’m sending my love.

Re your ddog’s behaviour— my ddog is also very different when she’s with me, my DP, and especially my parents’ dog— she much more active with him, like a totally different animal. Apparently she’s the same at her daycare— much more confident, whereas when she’s with me she’s afraid of every other dog on the street. Did your DH used to take out DDog2 with Ddog1? That would probably explain it— he likes a little company on his walk. I wouldn’t worry about it too much to be honest, I think it’s probably normal.

Sending love to you and your family, I hope you and your dogs get through this grieving process.

I am not sure I totally followed, tbh. But I think what you're saying is that DD2 is much more outgoing on a walk with you and DD3 than when walked alone with DH?

Assuming that's the case, it is not unusual for dogs to behave differently with different people. Or for them to gain confidence from having another dog with them - even if they don't appear to be great pals with the other dog.

You would know your dog best but it is also not unusual for a NERVOUS or WORRIED dog to look like he is out of control. Hyper activity can be a sign of stress, as well as excitement. Obviously you'd have to look at the whole context to work out which it is.

I think I'd be tempted to all walk together as a group, for a few walks, to see how that affected behaviour and be able to compare notes on DD2's mannerisms to try and work out what they might be about.

If I were your DH, I'd simply choose walks where distance from other dogs is easily achieved and focus on making walks as calm, stress free as possible and see what impact that had?

Who knows the impact a dog's death has on the others in the house? I am sure it has some impact and suspect it has a much bigger one than we perhaps realise.

I also know we lost a dog a few months back and on the walks afterwards I would often remember her most strongly - which probably also impacted my own behaviour, which the dog may have picked up on.

Perhaps this is another case where time and patience and not pushing too hard will help you all? It's truly horrible to lose a well loved dog and so for you.