Rescue dog unhappy in new home

[kaykkies]

We recently rescued a 2yo dog.

Due to covid etc. We only got to meet him on the day of collection.

We had done a lot of research into breeds etc. And are both come from families who have had rescues our entire lives. We only fully settled on getting a dog as our working from home situation allows us to give the love and attention a dog needs.. particularly a rescue!

When speaking to the shelter they relayed to me how much he loves walking, the outdoors etc. A real happy chappy who is full of love and energy!

The first few days he was exactly as described, loved us and loved getting walked, treats and playing outside.

Now that we have set aside the designated time to kick start his introduction at our home we are both back to work full time.

Since then he genuinely seems unhappy. He refuses to leave the house and runs and hides any time he seems his leash.

He seems so indifferent to us, his food, the outdoors, walks, toys, playing and even treats. Even tho we have only known him a short time we can tell that he is genuinely not himself here. I cant even motivate him to drink water.

He seems bored and depressed. We work from the sofa and he is unhappy unless he is right up on your lap.. which is impractical from a working from home/zoom/laptop point of view.

The only time he is on his own is when we are in bed. I get up in the early hours toncheck on him and he is pacing around the floors. I dont even know if he fully sleeps at night?

Since the laptops opened it has become more and more apparent that we cannot meet his care and attention needs!

We genuinely feel like we he would benefit a lot more with another home - particularly one with kids or another dog.

I've contacted the shelter and haven't received a reply. We both feel super guilty but recognise that he is unhappy in our care.

Can someone please advise?

@Wellthisismorethanabitgrim

fabulous post! Apart from leaving home, and some of the timescales, I think we have the same dog 😀

@Wellthisismorethanabitgrim

oh bless him. read up on decompression in rescue dogs, it will help you understand him a bit better. sounds like he's shut down, which is common in rescue dogs - it can take quite a long time for them to get confident and for you to see their true personality

when ours first came home she wouldn't walk anywhere for weeks - we knew she could walk nicely on a lead as we walked her at the rescue, but she was just terrified of going further than the end of the drive. and then when we did get her to go a bit further, it had to be both of us, not just one, then eventually she would go with DH alone but not me, then eventually me on my own. It took about 6 months I would say before she would confidently head off on a walk, and even now 4 years later she sometimes refuses to go or to get in the car. we don't force her to do anything that makes her anxious unless it's necessary like a trip to the vet

the garden also scared her and we had to do lots of gentle coaxing, she couldn't be out there alone - she was clean in the house but you could see she was desperate for a wee but still anxious to go out

she wasn't left completely alone for a full year - she either came with us when we went out, or one of us went alone. she wasn't destructive but we got a camera and could see she was distressed if we left her, so after a couple of tries we didn't any more

we originally intended to have her sleep downstairs and one of us slept on the sofa for a week or so to try and settle her but she broke her heart when we tried to leave her down there on her own, so she now sleeps by the side of our bed - she knows she's not allowed on the bed at all, and settles nicely. I really don't think letting him sleep in your room will make him automatically think he gets to go in your bed

ours is also a huffer - it's her way of communicating to us, I wouldn't worry about that unless it seems he is being overtly aggressive. she is also currently really annoyed that we are both back at our desks after the fun of Christmas, this week has calmed down a bit but last week was constant bothering to play/cuddle/sit on the sofa, so I think he will chill out once he works out what the routine is.

he's confused, he's scared, and he wants to be near his new people. nothing you are saying screams behavioural issues or problems to me, just a dog that needs love, patience and time to blossom

This all sounds the exact same!

Massive help thank you!

I'm surprised that you weren't allowed to visit. We have had our rescue dog for 8 weeks and spent the two weeks prior visiting every day. Obviously keeping distance from everyone. She didn't even acknowledge us for 4 days and then gradually got to know us before we brought her home. She has her problems and it definitely isn't easy so I think it's early days for you. Please keep loving her and don't give up on her! Good luck!

Some friends of mine recently adopted two greyhounds from a rescue. Both dogs were withdrawn and depressed in arrival, they wouldn’t come to my friends, ignored everything and barely ate. Wouldnt go out in the garden.

It’s six months on and they’re like different dogs now. Love my friends, very bonded. Zooming round the garden, hogging the sofas.

It takes time.

Oh bless him. Please don’t give up on him.

Life and patience.

They can complex characters.

My rescue sleeps in my bed 🤷‍♀️

Oh my love [t sounds like a rerun of when we rescued our chocolate lab.He was 8 months when we bought him home. He charged round our house like he was possed. Re discovered my cuddly toys which he loved to play with, so we let him have them. Not keen on cuddles to start with. Then gave him a rub on his chest which I had done at the dogs home success. Things improved over 3 months. Hes nearly 3 now and a well loved spoilt boy. Hang on in .there..

Is the rescue reputable? Was he medicated before?

Please don't give OP!

We reduced an 8 month old boxer in June. It took him 9 months to settle properly but some of that will have been growing up too. When we got him I read the rule of three for rehomed dogs.

Three days to get over the intense trauma
Three weeks to feel ok
Three months to feel normal

It was more like 9 for us. We did crate train him and him and he now likes his crate. I would advise this. It's not as bad as it seems! It is now his den under the stairs the side and back at cover in a blanket.

We got a baby gate to separate him at night so he slept on the landing. He now sleep alone downstairs in his crate. We haven't established the correct bed boundaries yet

Get some tasty chicken and entice him to eat. Then swap for kibble.

Get some primula and get his lead and build positive associations with his lead. There is so much online about dog training.

Our trainer is doing half hour zoom classes abs 121s for dog welfare issues all Covid approved. They are amazing professionals and will help with a few basic things like feeding and leads.

If you feel he is not right for you then return him ASAP so he Ian it suffering for more time or contact a different rescue. Good luck OP. I feel for you. I considered send I him back and shed many many tears. Our dog is very difficult still but we are his world now and would never leave him.

I really agree with the 3 months to settle. We rescued two dogs at the same time, one was right at home the moment she arrived, the other took at least 3 months to settle in. He just slept curled up in a blanket and looked miserable, we just thought was how he was but he was just really sensitive and needed time to adjust where as the other dog much more laid back.

This is true.

It does take time for a dog to settle.
Your home was exciting at first but now he's in a confused, upset state. Just be patient and don't make big deals out of things make happy face/a big attention during lunch or tea breaks and give him lots of love.

He's just adjusting to his new surroundings

Some good advice here, but here's some from the dog owning manager. Manager hat on - you should not be sitting on a sofa working on a laptop. That is bad in so many ways I won't even start listing them. But let's sum that bit up as "are you intentionally trying to rack up muscular skeletal problems for the future?". And you should be taking breaks from your computer ten minutes an hour. So you could work 50 minutes and then devote 10 minutes to play time with the dog. OK - eight minutes with the dog and two minutes to grab a coffee. So your dog learns to associate "sit down with computer at a table / desk " with play time for me. The play becomes the reward for tolerating you giving your attention somewhere else, which you ought to know you shouldn't do because the dog is the centre of the universe and you should be totally devoted to him (in his view).

And yes, dogs have feelings. Of course they do. But they aren't much good at sustained stupidity - very few dogs will starve themselves because it isn't in their nature. Some temptation is good. But if you keep a watchful eye on health, few will go long enough to fade to nothing. Some dog milk is often very tempting and can stimulate nutrition and liquid intake too.

I have to be honest, even in these times, I would be absolutely disgusted at the rescue - their actions are not remotely responsible in this.

Final piece of advice - dogs are designed to "look miserable". Seriously, they can perfect drama queen misery. It's the eyes. Lie curled up, huff a bit, and just look doleful - it's the definition of a dog. It's also the best possible way of getting your own way on everything. Right now you might want to reflect on whether your pooch has got you wrapped around it's little paw...!

Op are you sure he is not ill? He is going off his food, he’s listless, doesn’t want to go out, you find him pacing

That sounds like a sick dog to me, could he have eaten something? A sock? Something he shouldn’t?

I would say your dog sounds ill.

Tens of thousands of rescue dogs have been returned the last month.
So sad!

Basically, in rescue dog terms, you have had him for the equivalent of 5 minutes. It is far too early for him to have settled in. He must be feeling very lost just now. My rescue dog was relatively easy but it took her weeks to calm down and relax and probably 3 months to be truly herself.
With regard to nights, I note your fear that he will get into bed with you but you ought to be able to get him to learn that he must stay in his bed by putting him back in it each time. If he can sleep in your room he won't feel so bereft. If that is unacceptable to you, give him a nice soft dog toy animal and make sure he is nice and warm (if your house is cold at night consider a dog jumper or fleece) and maybe leave the radio on low for company.
Please don't give up on him, you and he just need to get accustomed to each other and he needs you to give him strokes and reassurances every now and then so he knows you like him and he hasn't annoyed you but you are just busy! My dog now spends a while sleeping when I am working at home then wakes and comes to visit me, gets a little chat and a cuddle then is told to settle down because I'm working, so she lies down near me and lets me get on with it. Good luck, stick with it and I am sure you will bond with him in the end.

Do you think he could be ill?

Dogs love huffing and making you feel guilty! I agree with letting him sleep in your room, it does make a difference. When I first had dogs with my late DH I was adamant that they would not sleep on the bed, that didn’t last. Dogs love being with their families and it will help him settle, get him a nice soft comfy bed by the radiator and he will be in his element.

I am a bit concerned about the rescue, was it a reputable one? The fact they aren’t returning your calls is worrying. Do you know anything about his background? Wondering if he was a street dog from Europe.

One last thing, he may not want to go out because he thinks you’re taking him away again. As a child I had a rescue wolfhound and she would refuse to leave the house if anyone other than me tried to take her, because she thought she was being taken away. You could see the fear in her eyes.

Go gentle with him, he’s probably so confused

I work at home and my dog loves huffing and make it known that he is not amused when I am working.

It's just what they do. I try and play with mine when I take a 10 min tea break or just occasionally pat him and talk to him. Honestly it won't hurt him and it's much nicer that that have company even if you are working. You could invest in some kongs/licky matts that you could give him a couple of times a day to give him something to do.

I was also wondering if he might be ill. Worth having a vet check him over just to rule out a physical cause.

Give him time! My rescue took months to be completely happy. He doesn't know that you are his people yet.

Please don't give up on him.

Gosh I hear loads of these stories. “Get a rescue not a puppy!” they say, blithely.

But many rescues needs a LOT of input. He will need a few months before he starts to think he is home. Please don’t give up on him yet

Loads of good advice here. I’d get some natural chews as well. Really tough ones that take ages to chew - loads of options here. I get the primal ones with hair. The chewing is really soothing and should help him settle www.jrpetproducts.com/signature-classic-range-pet-treats/?v=79cba1185463
Once he’s got one I’d leave him to it though. They’re often protective of them but keep them quiet and busy! Make sure you buy from a reputable source as they can be treated from some suppliers.

I’d switch from the sofa if you can to a chair he can’t join you and get a really comfy bed in the sunshine in the same room. Add a chew and you should have a happy dog

Every time he wees outside use lots of praise with a cue word so hopefully he’ll associate the deed and cue so will wee on demand.

I’d also consider a dog schedule that rotates exercise, brain games and soothing when he settles in but at the moment I’d focus on soothing. My dog is always super stimulated after a walk and needs to check the perimeter and have a chew to calm. Also crate training can hugely help but I don’t think I’d attempt it right now. I would get a crate and make it properly comfy though. I use vet bed for the base then a cosy dog bed on top. My dog will usually be found napping there while I work.

Hang in there. Right now you have an anxious dog and they’re a pain but if you can unlock them it’s massively rewarding and give back in spades. Good luck

YABVU not providing a pic!

Another one here saying give him more time. Six months would be ideal.

So have you only had him for a couple of weeks? It’s crazy that you think a rescue should be settled by now. He needs time and routine and he will then settle and trust you. Rescue dogs can take months to settle.