Advise please on helping my 2 year old who is scared of dogs n

[BornOnThe4thJuly]

My nearly 3 year old is becoming more and more scared of dogs when we’re out. She has seen that her older brother isn’t keen either which doesn’t help obviously.

I’m not sure what to do to help her overcome it. We don’t have any family who we see often who have dogs. The ones who do, one has 3 dogs who are very jumpy and excitable, and the other has a 1 year old staffie who is used to older children.

Should I try to introduce both my DC to the staffie (when households can mix again) and if so what would be the best way to do this.

Also how should I deal with seeing dogs in the park, she panics when she sees them running towards her. At the moment I pick her up and stay completely calm and explain that dogs like having fun with children and it’s coming to say hello, isn’t it a lovely doggy etc. Then when she’s calmed down and the dog isn’t so close I put her back down and stay very close to her.

Their Dad loves dogs (I’m not as keen) but is very rarely with us in the park. I guess them seeing him playing with dogs would help their fear?

When my 3 yo was pulling from my hand away from ddogs we went the whole hog and bought a dpuppy..
A rottweiler!!
In for a penny, in for a pound!!
She cried all the journey home to 'put it back'. Then built up a bond and friendship that lasted 10 years....
I would say picking her up is reinforcing that there is a danger..

I wondered if I was doing the wrong thing by picking her up. I have a health condition that means getting them a puppy is definitely not possible.
The DC play at being puppies every day at home, so they like the idea of them. If I stopped picking her up, I’m worried that the dogs would jump up at her, making her even more scared. They are nearly always off lead in the park, though most people put them back on when they see she’s scared.

For whatever reason, one of my dogs appears very approachable to small children who don't normally like dogs - he is large so doesn't jump up, wears a pretty collar with pictures on (Spiderman at this moment), and often has a coat (a source of great amusement when he has his onesie on). If we are approached by an adult telling us that their child isn't normally keen, I will just talk at a distance for a bit, and then give them a high value treat so that they get ddog1 to do a sit (he is obedient to hand signals, and frankly if someone has something good to eat only needs the faintest signal to sit down), with their adult doing it too. It seems like having some power over the dog really helps them, and really enjoy it.
I wouldn't pick her up either as it reinforces the scare, and also would encourage a jumpy up dog to jump. If you don't want a dog jumping, practice the 'boring tree' approach

Yes I agree - dogs shouldn't be running towards her (as in "at her") but picking her up and "comforting her" when nothing has happened is reinforcing the fear and rewarding it. And I am saying that as a dog owner. It's my responsibility to train and supervise my dog, and I do; but I do often also get frustrated between the children who run up to my dog without asking (he's large but very cute looking so gets a lot of attention) while their parents look on, or the children who run screaming in the opposite direction whilst the dog who is half a mile away hasn't even noticed them!

The Dogs Trust do some helpful advice here: www.dogstrust.org.uk/news-events/news/is-your-child-frightened-of-dogs-dogs-trust-is-here-to-help and a booklet is available. And in better times, they used to run courses, which may start again at some time.

If it's any consolation, unless he knows them, my dog has very little interest in any size of people, but when people pick up their little dogs to "protect" them from the "big bad dog" that instantly gets his attention and he wants to investigate why the poor dogs legs don't work!!! Sigh...

Do any of your friends have any nice, calm, older dogs she could meet under supervision?

I totally get your instinct is to pick her up, but I also think it may be reinforcing to her that dogs are something to be scared of.

Walking my 2 calm ddogs last summer a woman asked if her dd could walk next to us. She was terrified but somehow drawn to the ddogs. We chatted and she actually stroked them. Her dm was filling up.. Bit hard with covid but maybe mask and woolly gloved your dd could be encouraged to stroke a calm ddog if you asked.. That first touch is the hardest.

Thanks all. Unfortunately the only person I know with an older calm dog lives hundreds of miles away. So maybe I should crouch down next to her and say hello to the dog, instead of picking her up?

We always had lots of family members with dogs when I was a child and young adult, so I grew up very comfortable around dogs. So I’m not used to children being scared of them, and really want to help her be comfortable around them.

Don't be afraid to ask dog owners if your child can say hello, either.

That would’ve never occurred to me, that’s a great idea if you think people would say yes. I think if I could persuade her brother to stroke them she’d want to copy him.

Ok Iplease dont take offence but I would treat your DD the same way I would treat a fearful dog (actually in my world this is a compliment!)

I would not force any interaction between your DD and dogs especially ones you do not know.

I would however look at them from a distance and talk about them positively eg "look at that beautiful dog, look at its waggy tail, hasn't it got a shiny coat" ec/ But walk away from the dogs.

The interest will be on the dog and not the fear of the dog. At 3 years old dogs can be terrifying, they are so big, and come right up to the childs face, they are bouncy, they do not communicate like other children do. It is no wonder children are wary.

I would personally stop any interaction between an unknown dog or my child by picking her up, moving away but all done in a positive manner. Lets walk this way, Let me pick you up so you can look at the dog etc.

As you DD knows the pressure is off and she will be kept safe and as she get bigger and taller, dogs will be less of a threat to her.

I would not ask to pet other peoples dogs unless you know them well, some dog people have different views to what is acceptable dog behaviour around children to non dog people!

There's also this advice from Dogs Trust and their Be Dog Smart campaign. Back in the pre-Covid times they would do these talks at primary schools.

www.learnwithdogstrust.org.uk/building-confidence/

I basically came to say exactly what polly has already said - so won't bother repeating