Problems with reactive family dog and not sure what to do

[Rivercath]

2.5 years ago we rehomed an 8 month old puppy. Puppy had had a rough start. We invested in some one on one training and he did so well. He actually was a dream pup!

When he turned 1 it’s like a light switch and his behaviour changed. Not playing up like adolescent behaviour, but him being incredibly lead reactive. He was fine off the lead so we kind of just carried on as usual. Ignoring the reaction and walking past the other dog positively and calmly/avoiding dog. We also had a behaviourist AND a dog trainer in to help. Neither training worked, despite us carrying on with the methods.

Fast forward to now and the dog is now reactive on and off lead. I now only walk him when I know other dogs won’t be around - this is usually of an evening when my partner is back to look after DC.

When we got him the plan was 2 walks a day - both to and from school (I work school hours) but I am now unable to take him on the school run as I can’t get near to the school with him due to the other parents dogs.

DC can’t walk the dog like they desperately want to with me, as I worry that a dog might be around the corner/or off the lead.

Dog now goes to an expensive day care which specialises in rehabilitation care and he has supervised play with a couple of dogs that he does get on with. This is so much fun for him and it’s great stimulation. The cost is crippling us each week and I wonder how long we can sustain it for.

Dog has a strong dislike also for our youngest child and growls at him. Youngest has never been left with dog so I know he hasn’t done anything to the dog.

We all love our dog and we made a commitment but I’m lost for what to do? He is a cockapoo.

I am sorry you are having a difficult time. It is hard when your dog does not fit into your initial ideal.

The only way to deal with this is to get more qualified advice. The behaviourist should look at this from several viewpoints.

Control and Management so making day to day life easier for you and your dog
Looking at activities that you can all enjoy together
A Behaviour plan to help change your dogs emotions.

This will need a behaviourist and not a trainer.

If you want to give rough area I am happy to suggest a few to help you.

There are ways to make this easier to live with and there are professionals who can help you so dont despair.

I would want to see your dogs body language and behaviour at the day care to if you were my client.

I would say you’re doing all the right things and keep going but -

Dog has a strong dislike also for our youngest child and growls at him. Youngest has never been left with dog so I know he hasn’t done anything to the dog.

I think I’d look to rehome in these circumstances. A responsible local rescue would find your dog an adult-only household somewhere that’s rural or where the dog doesn’t have to come into lots of contact when out walking.

I know that sounds like a terrible prospect to ‘give up’ but you should always do what’s best for the dog and it doesn’t sound like your household is the best environment. If he’s reacting unprovoked to your child it could be dangerous for both your child and the dog - because if aggression escalates he’ll be harder to rehome.

How old is the child?
Our Ddog wasn’t keen on DS who was 8 so understood to keep away etc. We worked on their relationship under very carefully controlled conditions and now they get on fine
He’s probably still ddogs least favourite person in the house though and I wouldnt let DS get into ddogs bed (which DD can ) for example.
I think of you can’t sort it out you need to try and rehome to a child free place or one with older dc unfortunately

OP please do not take specific advice from people who can not see the situation in real life. We really can have no idea speak to the professionals.

If your dog is growling at your child, then its time to rehome. Sorry, but I wouldn't want my child at risk. We had to rehome our rescue border terrier, who had started to snap at my daughter and my niece, completely unprovoked. Luckily he went to live with a relative and he is much happier. We had no idea why he did this, he was loved, well walked and very much part of the family.

Our ddog was reactive to ddogs out on walks.. We managed with either a muzzle or dh holding her.. She was never close enough to attack but I don't doubt she would have given a chance. At home she was a completely different ddog. Had great relationships with us all. Rightly or wrongly I know if she had needed great supervision at home she wouldn't have been with us for the 10 years she lived... Unsustainable imo. One lapse of judgement could mean devastating times for your family op... Could you live with that?

Thank you so much for your replies. Our youngest is 4. If I go up to dog quietly for a stroke, dog is happy. If oh or the other children did the same, dog would be happy, but if ds goes anywhere near him or touches him, he growls.

My partner isn’t worried about it but I’m incredibly anxious and don’t trust our dog. I know you can never trust a dog 100% but my trust level is minimal.

It was me who wanted the dog not my oh, but it’s me struggling because I just can’t cope and my oh does very little in terms of helping. I have the dc pretty much all the time and we can’t walk him and feel relaxed. I can’t take him with us to the park and let him run around with the kids in case a dog comes. If any dog comes near us he just loses it - this is in shops/pubs etc.

My oh doesn’t want to rehome him. Said we made a commitment and i get that. But I’m truly exhausted with the situation. Everyone assumes as he’s a cute cuddly dog that he’s harmless but I know he’s not. We have a dog that needs to be walked hours a day and I can’t do that when I’m completely anxious about other dogs and scouting around to see if there are any around whilst also watching my youngest who doesn’t go to school yet.

My parents have witnessed his behaviour and have said that they now think his behaviour is getting out of hand.

I think with more exercise and older children he probably would thrive. I just don’t know what to do. He’s very much part of our family and the thought of him not being with us breaks my heart, but I’m worried about our future with him.

I would think about muzzle training him. That way, you know he won't bite while walking and that will actually take one huge element of stress away from you. You can do it slowly and gently, and it's not a magic bullet for all the issues, but it at least means you can go for worry-free walks which will reduce your anxiety hugely.

I think, having had troubles with my own rescue, that dogs and owners both trigger stack which makes everything so fraught and takes away all the pleasure. So if you can let the pressure out, you'll have more energy/impetus to look at the longer term issues.

I would also look to rehome, because of antagonism to the youngest child.
If DDogs behaviour is deteriorating, and you are all at home, I would not be ever be confident in the dog at home, & that would massively impact on my ability to train. Vicious circle excuse the pun.
I'd also wonder what is exactly going on at this daycare with dogs who he supposedly gets on with - might not be as rosy as you hope.

The growling at your child is not acceptable. You need to rehome the dog. The dog is growling to warn. The next step is to bite. Please don't let that happen. Ask a reputable rescue to rehome him for you.

We have a dog that needs to be walked hours a day

I think with more exercise and older children he probably would thrive.

This is not correct. If you have a reactive dog you can not exercise them out of their emotions. More exercise would probably make them worse.

You do need to give your dog calm brain training exercise,scent work etc and this is exactly the type of thing a behavourist will help you with.

It does sound like you are overwhelmed(who wouldnt be ) but that does mean it is hard to see solutions.It is the behaviourists job to do just that and find a plan that works for your family.

Hand on heart our big potentially deadly ddog (rottweiler) never growled at my dc.
*except when dd went over her paw with a heelie...
Your dh is being naive thinking this set up is viable..

No advice but I have 2 extremely reactive rescue dogs and really feel for you. For us it's just about managing everything. Where we can go and when etc. It's certainly a lonely life, avoiding every man and his dog (literally). It can be so emotionally draining. You just have to do what's right for you x

Dog has a strong dislike also for our youngest child and growls at him.

I've had dogs all of my life and love them dearly, but this makes my blood run cold. I think your husband is being very foolish. One single bite could be disastrous for your child, and that is not a risk I would be willing to take.

I've had an on and off lead reactive dog. We also rescued him at 8m. It's so hard. It takes up your whole life. We worked with a behaviourist and did BAT training, positive reinforcement, I took dog to agility, found safe dog friends. I loved him. When my daughter was born, dog was really really weird, ears up, tail clamped down, really obviously unhappy, tried to flip her like prey, on day 4 of this dh and my mum told me he needed to go. I cried buckets to my brill friend. She went home, spoke to her husband, and they took him on. I was over the moon, dog went to live out in the country, much lower stress environment with no other dogs around, living with his doggy best mate. HOWEVER she has since had 2 kids, he's fine with her daughter, but dislikes her now 18m old son. I don't know the answer. But I would muzzle including in the house and not trust an inch. You will be managing this forever. Forever. I would think about this long and hard.

Feisty fido is a helpful read.

Thank you again for comments. With regards to being reactive it’s a hard and overwhelming situation. I can’t meet friends with their dogs and go for a nice walk. Even if we walked with both dogs on leads and apart I wouldn’t relax. Dog is much better with my partner who is much more confident. With my partner the reactivity is less, but still there. I mean we can’t go to open events (not that there are any on) but like country shows because there are so many dogs.

In terms of my son I just wish I knew the reason. If we are at the table he will hover around ds for food. Ds feeds him (to try and encourage positivity) and dog is fine. I just don’t understand it? Basically my son is not allowed to touch him it seems.

I just hate to break all the other children’s hearts - and mine. Plus my parents adore him. I’ve begged them to have him but they’ve said that because of his lead reactivity they don’t feel confident enough.

Go with your gut instinct and put him up for rehoming. One of the lowest points of our family life was when our nearly 3 year old was bitten by one of our (rescue) dogs in an unprovoked attack. Stitches just above the lip and a night in hospital. If you think it's a possibility, (and if he growls at him every time you're not being melodramatic IMO) don't wait around until it happens. That was my mistake, please don't be like me. I knew he had a flaky temperament, we had been working on it for a while. On the plus side my DC is now 25 and you can barely see the scar. She still loves dogs too.

Clearly you need to regime the dog. Your children come first x 1000000 and the dog is not adding anything to the quality of your life. Not even a dilemma, it’s just, sadly, what you need to do. Lots of doggy people will advise you to see behaviourists etc - but I would take what they say with a pinch of salt, sadly some people prioritise dogs over children.

Rehome not regime!

Your DH’s opinion in this situation is not half as important as your opinion on what you can realistically manage. If you’re the one managing the behaviour all the time, then you need to be the one who makes the decision and feels at peace with it.

Would your parents take the dog for a bit of respite, for a couple of weeks, while you get hold of a behaviourist and talk to rescues? If they’re also worried about your dog’s behaviour around your son would they help in the short term, with you keeping paying for daycare if you’re convinced that helps?