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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

DPs old dog - is it time to let him go?

16 replies

passthemustard · 16/12/2020 10:23

My partner has a dog, he's just turned 15 (the dog not DP!) average life expectancy for breed is 11-14yrs.

He's a lovely dog but he's getting more and more unwell. I've known him 3 years and his back legs were weak when we met due to some nerve damage in his back. Well they barely work these days. He can't hold himself up long enough to eat, one of us has to hold his back legs up while he eats. He's skeletal thin and very picky about his food. He's had trouble with bowel and bladder issues for the last 18 months and over the last few months we've spent a fortune having the carpets cleaned. The last week we've been woken up every night with him pooing in the bedroom. This morning he wee'd everywhere in the bedroom and down the hallway. (He gets taken outside very regularly but his legs aren't strong enough for walks anymore, he can't make it to the end of the road) He smells so so bad. His teeth are awful. We see the vet every few weeks and she's said to DP that it's time but obviously he has to make that decision.

We had a visit from the rspca a few weeks ago as someone reported us for cruelty/neglect. The officer was fine, spoke to the vet and was happy with how we are caring for him but DP refuses to make the decision. How can I broach the subject without it sounding like I want to murder the dog?

OP posts:
GigantosaurusRex · 16/12/2020 10:26

I would agree that it sounds like it's time. You can't force him to do it or he will resent you but you can gently explain that this is the last kindness that you can offer the dog and if he truly loves the dog he will put its needs above his own feelings. Hopefully he will come around with a bit of support.

DesiderataH · 16/12/2020 10:30

Oh my goodness for your DP it is such a terrifically hard decision to make, I've been there. In the long run it sounds like the poor dog has no quality of life. He has no dignity bless him, and having had dogs, the poor things get very stressed and upset if they have accidents indoors.

To me it sounds like a kindness to have him gently PTS, maybe if this suggestion comes from your vet than you, then your DP might listen.

ladybee28 · 16/12/2020 10:32

It's time.

Ask your DP if he'd like to live like that.

If he can't make the decision, you need to get firm about it – for that poor dog's sake.

changedmynameforChristmas · 16/12/2020 10:37

OP I had to make the same decision a week ago. I had my beloved little boy put to sleep as it was the kindest thing I could do for a pet who had given me so much love and loyalty.
My vet agreed saying it was his time to go.
It's never an easy decision to make but when a life is in your hands you have to do the right thing, and you will do it.
I do not regret it. I miss him because I love him, but he is in no pain or discomfort, and I don't feel guilty at all for doing the right thing

Original poster
passthemustard · 16/12/2020 10:37

I love the dog and I love my DP. We're due a baby next week and I feel like if I bring it up now it looks like I'm pushing the dog out for the baby. But it breaks my heart how unwell he's becoming. I know this will devastate DP and I know he wants the fog to pass away in his sleep so he doesn't feel like a murderer.
Maybe I'll wait til after Christmas to have the conversation and try to make it a lovely last Christmas for the dog 😢😢😢

OP posts:
Original poster
passthemustard · 16/12/2020 10:40

@changedmynameforChristmas oh I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a hard decision.

OP posts:
imapotatooo · 16/12/2020 10:41

It's so so difficult but your DP is (completely justifiably) being a bit selfish about this. He's hoping DDog would pass in his sleep so he doesn't have to make the call himself but the reality is that this route will probably cause more suffering to the poor thing and potentially more distress for you both.

I think it's time to sit down and very gently broach the realities and potential outcomes.

changedmynameforChristmas · 16/12/2020 10:42

[quote passthemustard]@changedmynameforChristmas oh I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a hard decision.[/quote]
The dog does not care about Christmas OP. Talk to your vet. Thank you for your kind words.
My vet sent me a condolence card yesterday. A hand drawn picture of a Chihuahua inside. It was a nice thing to do. I will get his ashes back this week and they will be cast in the woods where he loved to play.

Original poster
passthemustard · 16/12/2020 10:55

@changedmynameforChristmas that was lovely from your vet. How kind.

I know the dog doesn't care about Christmas 😢😢 he really likes pigs in blankets though 😢

I think once the baby arrives it might change things for DP. He's just so attached to DDog he's had him from 12 weeks old.

OP posts:
KnitsAndGiggles · 16/12/2020 10:59

Then buy the dog some pigs in blankets and give him one last day now instead of dragging him on for another 2 weeks. The poor dog has no dignity, no quality of life. I know you both love him but your DP waiting for him to die naturally is quite cruel - and what will the impact of a new baby in the house be on a confused, frail, doddery dog?

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 16/12/2020 11:30

Pigs in blankets are in the shops now.

Would it help your DP if you could plan a day of doing things the dog likes - a car ride, eating pigs in blankets, carrying him to the park and so on - before he lets him go?

Hoppinggreen · 16/12/2020 19:08

Sounds like it’s past time to me, I get it’s hard to let go but your DP is thinking of himself rather than the dog

Veterinari · 16/12/2020 19:43

@passthemustard

My partner has a dog, he's just turned 15 (the dog not DP!) average life expectancy for breed is 11-14yrs.

He's a lovely dog but he's getting more and more unwell. I've known him 3 years and his back legs were weak when we met due to some nerve damage in his back. Well they barely work these days. He can't hold himself up long enough to eat, one of us has to hold his back legs up while he eats. He's skeletal thin and very picky about his food. He's had trouble with bowel and bladder issues for the last 18 months and over the last few months we've spent a fortune having the carpets cleaned. The last week we've been woken up every night with him pooing in the bedroom. This morning he wee'd everywhere in the bedroom and down the hallway. (He gets taken outside very regularly but his legs aren't strong enough for walks anymore, he can't make it to the end of the road) He smells so so bad. His teeth are awful. We see the vet every few weeks and she's said to DP that it's time but obviously he has to make that decision.

We had a visit from the rspca a few weeks ago as someone reported us for cruelty/neglect. The officer was fine, spoke to the vet and was happy with how we are caring for him but DP refuses to make the decision. How can I broach the subject without it sounding like I want to murder the dog?

You need to ask your DP to think objectively about the dog's quality of life. Perhaps ask him to write down all of the things he knows the dog enjoys - long walks, playing fetch, swimming, chasing squirrels, etc etc.

Now make a list of all of the challenges the dog has - dental pain every time he tries to eat, chronic arthritis pain, leg weakness, lying where he toilets etc.

Now ask him to look at those lists and think about a 24 hour period for the dog - what pleasurable is enjoyable daily experiences does the dog actually have? What painful, scary or distressing experiences is he suffering with every day?

Is the situation likely to change? Is it actually possible to make the dog's life pleasant?

It sounds as if there's not really anything that you can do to address the dog's chronic pain and distress except euthanasia. Your DP needs to put the dog's welfare before his own emotional pain, and make this decision for the dog.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 16/12/2020 19:50

It is a hard one OP but it really is the last act of love you can give your dog.

Nip to the shops, buy some pigs in blankets, give him a lovely last hurrah and then allow him to pass with dignity.

I feel for you both but I feel for your dog more. He must be so distressed at messing in the house and may well be in pain.

It is time by the sounds of it - heartbreaking though it is. SadFlowers

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 16/12/2020 19:55

We had our ddog pts on Shrove Tuesday.. After she had had 3 pancakes with Nutella.
Maybe suggest a small Xmas meal for you all? Before Xmas and before the baby. Too much chaos for a ddog to deal with who isn't very strong op.. I did feel like a killer but I have a pic on my phone where ddog def looks like she has had enough. Point out to dh your ddog needs him to do this. If he loves him he must.

NoraLuka · 16/12/2020 20:21

This is so hard. I agree with the previous poster who said to ask DP to think objectively about the dog’s quality of life.

We had Ddog pts in June because his back legs were going and he had terrible sores that kept getting infected and never healed. It was a similar situation to OP as DP had the dog from a puppy and didn’t want to make the decision. In the end I encouraged him to decide - I was worried DP would hate me but I work from home and used to spend literally all day with the dog sitting next to me and there comes a point when you can tell they have had enough.

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