Just feeling so sad

[Pumpkintopf]

I had my lovely 13 yo beagle PTS today. He'd developed a lump on his chin that we had biopsied and was found to be cancer, got the results on Monday.

He wasn't in the best of health - he'd had several large surgeries to remove fatty lumps, was on apoquel for allergies and we'd noticed a real deterioration in his mobility over the last few weeks with his back legs giving way at times. Last night the lump on his chin started bleeding, not profusely but constantly dripping so we took him to the vets today. Vet was lovely but said given his age and other health issues and the cancer, that he would continue to deteriorate and he wouldn't recommend aggressive treatment. I agreed with this, didn't think it was fair to put him through another op and then the convalescence, and pain and distress, considering we didn't know to what extent the cancer may have spread and he was already struggling with mobility and getting quite upset when he couldn't get up at times.

So, I think it was the right decision but I just feel so sad. DH said it felt like a betrayal taking him in to the vets and that really stuck. FWIW we both drove him there but I went in with him and was there when he went, very peacefully. Gave DH the option but he didn't want to. The vet said we should be proud of the way we'd looked after him, he was a good age for his breed and the right decision - but I feel sad even though I don't think there was anything more I could have done, he couldn't be returned to his youthful puppy self if that makes sense? Has anyone else been through this? Any words of wisdom?

Awwwwww no wisdom but have a virtual hug. You did the right thing and you gave him a good life.

Firstly, huge hugs. I've been there. It's heartbreaking I know, but it sounds like it was absolutely his time. You should be proud you gave him a dignified and peaceful end - we should all be so lucky!

Do you have a garden? How about planting a memorial tree for him? It's just the time of year for it.

So sorry to read this. 🤗

It’s so hard but you made the best decision for HIM, and that’s what matters. You gave your lovely dog 13 wonderful years.

Please be kind to yourself and DH. 💐

We're facing this with our fairly old cat next week. For what it's worth I think you made the right decision and showed great courage and character being there with your lovely pet at the end.

Your DH feels a bit of guilt and I probably will too when the day comes; but when quality of life is so poor then surely it's kinder to let your beloved animal go.

As you say, they can't miraculously become young again, and invasive treatments just become distressing for older pets.

Thank you for the kind words, they are appreciated. I do have a garden, which he loved, and a memorial tree is a lovely idea, thank you.

@JamieLeeCurtains I'm sorry to hear you're facing the same thing with your dcat. It's really hard isn't it.

I'm so sad for you. It's horrible when you lose a pet. They are one of the family.

You did the right thing. It's hard making that decision but it's far better than letting them suffer. It's the kindest thing for them, but the hardest for us.

I'm so sorry. You did the kindest and most selfless thing though.

Thank you, @Pumpkintopf. I appreciate your kind words. It's incredibly hard, but good decisions often are, I guess.

We had our beagle cross PTS a few months ago for similar reasons.
They rip the guts out of you, don't they?
I've researched the perfect small tree to plant into a planter and we will put his ashes into it. Currently they are sitting on a bookcase (in a non shrine manner!).
I wanted a planter so we can take him with us if we ever move.
The crem did paw prints for us which was a lovely touch.
I think we have to think of being able to get our pets PTS as the last final act of love.

@ArthurShelbysTash that's a lovely idea. I'm so sorry for your loss, yes they really do leave a massive hole in your heart.

In my experience, the guilt is terrible when you’ve made the decision to PTS. But as my vet told me, it’s the ultimate gift we can give our dogs who we love, to make that decision for them when the time comes.

It’s really not easy, and it shows just how much you loved your boy.

@Derbee that's a kind way of putting it, thank you.

Big hug Op, we went through this 4 years ago with my beautiful German Shepherd girl, she was 12 years and 41 days (good age for a big breed) and lived every day like a Queen. I still miss her so much.
It is the kindest thing you will ever do for your lovely dog, but , oh, the pain is dreadful. I have never heard my poor DH cry like that ever before.
Sending much love and sympathy to you xxxx

You have made sure he had a pain free peaceful ending with the person he loves holding him, it’s what I hope for my darling dog when the time comes, my condolences OP.

It was the last and noblest act of love you could give your boy.

What a wonderful life he must have had with you for you to feel such pain. How loved he must have felt.

They give such love and happiness through their little lives and they are such a blessing.

My heart aches for you as I know the little empty path you are walking on. But you know you did the best thing and it was all because you loved him

Thank you all. Your lovely words have made me tear up again. Truth be told, that isn't very difficult at the moment- I still miss him terribly but I think you are all right, it was the best and kindest thing. Thank you again.

Remember OP, he felt safe and loved every single day he was with you and that counts for everything, right up to the very end. For his legs to give way like that must have been really horrible for him. You have made sure he didn't suffer.