9 week old puppy hates being left alone when I do the school run

[FantasticMax]

I have a 9 week old lab and struggling a bit. Puppy won’t sleep in his crate, only on the couch beside me or near me. I’ve been sleeping downstairs with him as I thought it would help him transition to being in a new house but as I said, he wants to sleep on me. But I can’t do that forever. I miss my bed! If I move him to his bed once he’s fallen asleep, he’ll simply wake up and crawl out to be with me. He tolerates the crate being locked for a few minutes and then starts to whine/bark.

The problem is I need to leave the house a few times a day to do the school run, which takes about 30 minutes. If I take him in the car, he whines and barks and tries to get beside me. He has toys, treats etc but they only keep him occupied for a few minutes and the barking starts.

If I leave him in the crate (with treats, stuffed Kong, etc), where I know he’s safe and not chewing up my furniture, he’ll start barking. I can’t say for certain he’s barking the whole time I’m away but I’d guess so given he also barks in the 5 minutes I disappear to shower.

So what’s the lesser of two evils? Do I keep taking him in the car and hope that he calms down with time. Or do I continue to leave him in the crate for the school run and hope he gets used to it. I know there is crate training but obviously that takes time and the school run needs to happen.

Any advice would be much appreciated. I’m concerned about pup developing separation anxiety and I’m really trying my best to get this right.

Vet today for his second jabs. He whined a bit in the car but did settle down after 10 minutes and slept. I’d brought a blanket from the house to make him more comfy so maybe that helped.

I used to have one of those canvas box seats that you clip a strap onto his collar. It was a nightmare! He wouldn't sit still and chewed whatever he could get his teeth to while in the car. I invested in a car crate for the boot. He is now fine, he just lies down in the crate during car journeys. Like others have said, teach him going in the car is fun. A few treats / toys in the crate and drive to somewhere fun to go for a walk... mine now loves going in the car as he knows there's a chance at the end of the journey he will be getting out somewhere new to sniff!

'tough love' training sounds horrible, why would you do that to such a young puppy?! You're just teaching them that you won't be there when they need you, and therefore they're less likely to grow up to be a confident dog. IMO your puppy is too young to be left alone when you do the school run

You need to be a bit more patient with him. He is a tiny baby and everything is brand new to him. You are being unreasonable to expect a nine week old puppy to be able to cope alone for half an hour every day. He needs to be with you.

Crate training takes time and should never involve you locking the door. Please read up on it. I recommend The Happy Puppy Handbook and Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy. Both available for a couple of pounds on Amazon. Or join the Dog Training Advice and Support group (properly moderated advice group run by vets and professional ‘positive methods’ dog trainers) on FB, www.facebook.com/groups/374160792599484.

Basically, you are expecting way too much, way too soon. I know it is knackering but he cannot adjust and learn as quickly as you expect him to. It takes time, patience and lots of little, consistent steps. It is knackering though.

I think dogs travel easier in the boot area of a car in a crate really. Not much help if you have a saloon, I know.
Also, discourage the children from acknowledging and comforting/fussing him when you are driving. He needs to learn this is time for him to be settled, and usually there will be something worthwhile at the end of the trip (a walk, the garden etc, perhaps not the vet although my dogs always loved going to the vet).
You should have a baby gate over the kitchen door anyway. There are always times when you need to keep the dog in, or keep the dog out (broken glass on floor, tradesman in the house).
Regarding the nights, get the gate up, have the crate open and looking really comfy and sleep on the kitchen floor with him a couple of nights. Unfortunately you have set yourself up for this by sleeping with him on the sofa now you will have to move it to where you want his permanent sleeping place to be, then begin to withdraw gradually.
You might try a radio left in tuned to a talking channel so he thinks people are nearly, that might help with the separation barking.

I'm really sorry but a lot of the approaches suggested above won't help and will probably make it worse. You need to go right back to basics and actually crate train properly. If puppy is getting distressed, you've moved too fast. Crate training is all about track pup to accept the crate as their safe space, to wang to go in there and be in there. It isn't locking them in there and letting them cry it out or forcing them in there so they learn that's how it works.
The Facebook group "Dog training advice and support" has units to read. I suggest you join and read all the puppy units including the crate training one. Good luck.

So many typos above but hopefully it makes sense. Start from the beginning. Build up very very slowly. If pup is getting distressed, go back a step. And forget the thought of leaving puppy yet because puppy just isn't ready.

Yes it’s one of the canvas box things that I’ve got. It’s useless! I’ll get a crate for the boot. Regarding not leaving him alone on the school run, now that he’s a bit better in the car I’m happy to take him with me until the crate works. I’ve spent time with him today by the crate, lots of treats and praise.

Though having said that ... pup will still whine and bark when I’m out of the car picking the kids up - 5-10 mins max. There’s no way to do this without some distress?! I can’t not take my children to school.

If you want to crate train your puppy, you need to to do it very, very slowly. You can't just shut him in a crate and leave him to cry, or you may very well end up with a puppy that things the crate is a place of punishment and fear. Some dogs will be so distressed they injure themselves trying to escape their crates. Some dogs will make themselves bleed and still not stop because they're so terrified.

I know it's difficult (ours dog separation anxiety) but following "tough love" scenarios can be really traumatic for some dogs. You need to go at the pups' pace and build up incredibly slowly so that they associate the crate with good things - never with fear or upset.

It can take a long time for some puppies to like their crates and some never really do take to them. Just keep persevering but take things at the puppies' pace. You could see if a neighbour, family member or dog walker could come and sit with the puppy while you're out if necessary while you work on things.

Good luck! Our dog is three and still struggles when he's left - it's difficult but luckily we have family who help and I can also bring him to work with me if it's absolutely necessary.

As an aside, mine never took to a crate and is much happier left with the run of the living room when we go out (with the cats for company). Obviously this isn't possible while he's not toilet trained and chewing, but it might be an option when he's older :)

Hopefully this is a small blip and with patience puppy will get there. Still so tiny!

Thanks everyone. We’re feeling quite low this evening, starting to wonder why we did this to ourselves! Husband doesn’t enjoy puppy’s snapping and mouthing and is struggling. We followed the Easy Peasy method of saying, too bad and leaving the room/ignoring him for a bit. Puppy just peed on the floor instead! Aargh.

Pup is as happy as Larry sleeping on the couch at the moment. I don’t mind him doing this, would happily let him have more room to roam once he’s house trained and isn’t chewing constantly. I did manage to get him to sleep in his crate earlier but he only napped for 10 minutes compared to the 90 mins or so he would do on the sofa (with or without me).

I’ve contacted some local trainers to see if they can help us, and joined that FB group suggested too. This is a much wanted puppy but it’s so much harder than I’d thought.

Puppies are hard - the puppy blues are a thing for a reason. Believe me, you're far from the only ones who will be struggling

I've always said the reason puppies are cute is because nobody would ever get one otherwise 🤣 they're bloody difficult work but if you put the time in now you'll have a best friend for life. The bond you get with a nice adult dog is incredible - nothing beats it.

I haven’t read the whole thread, just wanted to wish you luck with pup. Ours is 19 weeks now and actually takes herself off to the sofa in the other room where before she had to be on my lap or right next to me at all times. Wasn’t a barker for that but does bark for attention (usually when overtired in the evening). We started just leaving her for 5 mins, then 10 and so on. We went shopping two weeks ago and were gone an hour, she was fast asleep on the sofa when we returned.

Only 3 toilet accidents indoors on the last 9 days too so it all gets better. Though if someone could let me know when pups start sleeping all night I’d appreciate it, hope it’s soon 😂

Puppies are crazy hard work but it is ok, absolutely everyone feels like this. It will get better! Sorry if my reply earlier came across as abrupt or harsh, I just didn't want you to waste your time on methods that might make things worse. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low but it is really normal. It does get better!

Please don’t leave a 9 week old
Puppy to cry. They are babies separated from their family. A puppy will become more independent as they get older. Please try and enjoy the pup for what he is. All too soon puppy will be an old dog and you will wish you had the puppy years back again.
Have a google of Absolute Dogs training styles.

@FantasticMax

Thanks everyone. We’re feeling quite low this evening, starting to wonder why we did this to ourselves! Husband doesn’t enjoy puppy’s snapping and mouthing and is struggling. We followed the Easy Peasy method of saying, too bad and leaving the room/ignoring him for a bit. Puppy just peed on the floor instead! Aargh.

Pup is as happy as Larry sleeping on the couch at the moment. I don’t mind him doing this, would happily let him have more room to roam once he’s house trained and isn’t chewing constantly. I did manage to get him to sleep in his crate earlier but he only napped for 10 minutes compared to the 90 mins or so he would do on the sofa (with or without me).

I’ve contacted some local trainers to see if they can help us, and joined that FB group suggested too. This is a much wanted puppy but it’s so much harder than I’d thought.

Re peeing on the floor.

Are you taking him out for a wee every 15mins or so? Puppies that age have tiny bladders and no control and so you need to be taking them outside to toilet extremely regularly. He will also need to go outside immediately after food, sleep, play or excitement as they all stimulate him. His nipping/craziness could’ve been him trying to tell you that he needed a wee or it could’ve been him telling you he was overstimulated and then the wee was a result of the activity. Young puppies having toileting accidents is par for the course. Expect it for a good few weeks yet. Don’t punish him or say anything. Just clean it up quietly and without fuss. Reward him when he does the right thing.

Good point. Perhaps he was trying to get outside for a pee and that was his way of telling us that something wasn’t right. Yes we are taking him outside regularly, one of us is always watching him for the signs, which for him tends to be sniffing the floor. He is not punished or shouted at for toileting indoors. He tends to get nippy when he’s tired I think, so he often wants to pop up on the sofa for a snooze. Should I be encouraging him to get into his crate when he’s like that in the hope he lies down in his bed?

You can do. Give him a treat when he’s in there and keep the door open for him, so he knows he’s not ‘trapped’. Even if he only stays in there a minute with you sat or stood outside. That’s a win!

It does help actually to hear people say feeling like this is normal. I’m reading all the comments and taking everything on board.

I know this is a late reply, but wondering how your lab is now, I’ve a 10 week lab and your post mirrors everything I’m going through with Dexter, the puppy blues have got me and I feel like my whole family has been ripped in two.

My pup will bark while I am in the shower, but when I leave the house is pretty much silent. This has improved a lot in the last month. Giving her a treat all when we leave has helped and no she looks forward to us going 🤔. I can now at least clean the bath or fold the laundry without too much noise. I think she is worse when she knows we are in the house.

Treatball not treat all...

Totally totally normal although get him in that crate course they don’t like being alone but if you don’t try are you going to sleep on the couch forever?...

Play with him in it, treat him and fuss him when he goes in, make it fun and a good place to be. Give him a teddy that smells like you. My boy has a little cord dog he sleeps with. I cover his crate at night, keeps it dark and cosy. He sleeps all night.

Take him in the car. We started by popping him in the boot, kibble and lots of praise just for a few mins built up a bit. Then when he whined I ignored him and when quiet lots of praise and so on. It takes time! You need to be so patient and it’s hard.

Your pup will mouth and bite for some time. If he’s bad keep him separate from husband via pen or gate reward good quiet behaviour so when our boy is lying doing nothing we tell him what a good boy he is and kibble..
I keep him separate from 9yrar old as he likes to mouth him so when he’s calm and nice praise and treat, basically reward nothing, does work but the mouthing can continue whilst teething mine is cutting incisors and it’s a nightmare
We freeze a kong (1/2 kibble freeze then top up with some nice stuff) all from his food allowances. Someone else mentioned absolute dogs We do a lot of the games, start young it’s great fun and bonds you and your dog as you are the prize - you want to make yourself more important than any toy or treat in pups life.

The games also tire him out, so he will sleep. Of pup is v mouthy or jumpy he’s likely tired. I can walk mine now so makes a difference to energy levels. Also move anything you don’t want chewed, mine likes a particular table so put some vinegar on the corner. I replace anything he tries to eat with a toy. Also rotate toys, keep him interested. Remove yak bones after 15 mins then when they get them back they are a novelty again. Kongs etc too. We use in evening, (if hyper time) or when we are having dinner as he likes to watch.

It’s hard work, we did 4 week zoom puppy class was fab, see if there is something local? It’s hard with home school, kids, work etc I’m so tired some days. But we’ll worth it good luck