Pup persuasion

[mynameisnotmichaelcaine]

We are a family of five - kids age 16, 14 and 7. We have never owned a dog before. Over the summer and autumn I have been out walking with my friend and her two cocker spaniels most days. I have fallen in love. Now when I go for a walk without them, it doesn't feel the same.

Two of my three kids are desperate for a dog. I am under no illusions that they would happily pick up poo or walk at 6am, but the eldest definitely would pick up poo if she needed to, and I know both would play with the dog a lot. We looked after a friend's dog for a week when she was away and they were both very good with it.

DS is persuadable. DH is "not keen". His main issue is cost (we have a combined income of around £110k pa in a relatively cheap area in secure jobs - we can definitely afford it) His other issue is dirt ( I do most of the cleaning) and smell.

We are at home a lot. I teach but am part time and DH is working at home for the foreseeable future (at least the next year). For me, now seems the right time.

There are pups potentially going to be available in March from the same line as my friend's cockers. I know one would be a great fit for our family. How do I persuade DH?

You don't. Having a puppy is a lot like having a baby. If one partner doesn't want one, no one gets one.

Have a look at parrots. I had a budgie as a child and I loved it. All the companionship of dogs without the mess

We didn't plan our first or third children, but he loves them! He didn't say no, just said that he wasn't keen.

Dogs are a tie and they create mess even with hard floors and cleaning. Muddy paws and dirt are a fact of life especially with a cocker (I have one). Mine gets hosed down with water after walks and his fur clipped short which helps but I am under no illusion that my house would be cleaner if I didn't have a dog. So his concern is valid. They do cost money especially if you need a dog walker, daycare or boarding on top of the usual costs.

My DH was ok with me getting a dog but he wasn't the instigator and if he had said no I would have accepted his decision. As it stands he totally adores him but the first 6 months I know he thought we had made the worst decision of our life's as puppies are hard work and then they hit the teenage phase which is harder. Can you imagine that if you had been persuaded pressured into getting a puppy.

Your DH works at home so when you are teaching part time who do you think will be left to continue the toilet training and dealing with any crying or potential destructive behaviour? Working at home is not a walk in the park (I WFH) and dealing with a puppy or adolescent dog whilst trying to work isn't for the faint hearted but fortunately my work is flexible and I worked late into the night when DH took over but that was because it was my choice. You are essentially forcing that onto your DH who doesn't want a dog let alone a biting, peeing, pooing demanding puppy.

Sorry to be the voice of doom but I wouldn't be happy if my DH tried to persuade me to take on a responsibility of a living creature for the next 15 years. In fact, whilst we both worship our dog and fight over who gets his attention we have both decided we won't be getting another because we don't want the tie of dog ownership again for a long time.

@BiteyShark Thanks, that is really helpful. I do see it from his POV, I really do. I'm going to leave it a couple of days and give him time to think, and then have a really good chat.

I do understand that it would be a lot to ask of him and if it were just us I would probably just get over it and make do with the hamster (!) but I really do think we need to consider the kids in this too.

He's said he's 'not keen' not 'no'

So I'd assume that was a yes, but only go ahead in full realisation that he will not be dong anything related to dog care, or additional cleaning

So dogsitter during your working hours?

I think when you want a dog the pros far outweigh any of the cons. In fact you become 'blind' to a lot of things. I thought I would never be one of those owners who let their dog sleep on the bed .

The problem is if you are on the fence or don't want one all the cons are highlighted every day. I don't have children through choice so I can understand why others just don't ever want the responsibility of owning a dog because I never wanted the responsibility of having children even though lots of people think it's wonderful (not comparing kids to dogs although lots of people say a puppy is like having a toddler except with sharp teeth )

We currently have a 9 week puppy and let me tell you it is bloody hard work . She didn't settle untill midnight and was up at 5am, I now am trying to juggle work, kids and puppy with very little sleep. We have had dog previously but this puppy is on another level of hardwork or maybe I've just been lucky previously. It is a constant battle of cleaning of pee and poop.
Have you thought about getting an older dog that is already trained ? Or foster a rescue for a few months to see how it will work for you as a family. Good luck OP, dogs are an amazing addition to the family home but don't be fooled by the amount of hard work involved.

Your kids will be leaving home soon and when they do they can get a dog if they want.

The kids don't need a dog, don't use them to add pressure.

I'm unwillingly living with a puppy at the moment .... It's put me right off having a dog

What happens when you do all return to work? You really need a plan for that. Unfortunately lots of pupppies are suffering from anxiety at being left now as they haven’t been over lockdown. You have to plan for every eventuality as you can’t leave them for more than 4 hours realistically,

@Tadpolesandfroglets I know a LOT of dog walkers and there is a doggy daycare just by the school where I work.

The puppy months you need commitment ans someone at home who will housetrain and train. It’s about 9 to 12 months before you can do a d3cent walk.

We’ve had ours a year now, cockerpoo, she’s adorable. Dh wasn’t keen, but loves her now and is already talking about a second. They are a tie.

If your dh is the one that's at home all day trying to work and there is a hyper puppy jumping all over him how is he supposed to be productive, he could really end up being resentful. Our beautiful lab x died suddenly in April , my dh has spoke briefly about getting a puppy and when I say I'm really not sure I want to go back to those days he says 'ok we won't then , if you change your mind we will start looking. 'Everyone has to be on board .

I think if DH could be persuaded then it would be wonderful, but otherwise it’s probably not a good idea. Especially if he will be the one at home with the dog initially.

Puppies take a great deal of work, and although hugely rewarding it’s a big commitment. I wish we had gotten ours sooner!

Don't get a dog if both adults aren't on board. It's not fair.

Dogs are a huge tie and they impact everyone in the house. You're going to be out at work part-time so the bulk of toilet training, cleaning up accidents, letting the dog out and stopping the puppy from chewing is going to fall on your DH. That's really not fair imo.

And in the nicest possible way, what the children want is irrelevant. They'll be at school all day and the oldest two will be leaving home in a few years. They're not the ones whose working day is going to be disrupted by a puppy who needs letting out immediately or else it's going to pee on the rug.

His life is going to be the most impacted by the dog and he's the one that doesn't want it. How on earth is that fair? If you're at work, he'll need to let it out for the toilet, clean up any accidents, walk it, feed it (puppies need feeding four times a day) and supervise it, as well as trying to do his full-time job. That's a BIG ask.

Also, walking a dog in the summer is very different to walking a dog in the winter. It's cold, it's wet, it's windy and the mud...so much mud! Try walking your friend's dogs everyday when it's pissing down with rain, the wind is blowing it horizontal and you have a streaming cold. It's grim and if you don't have the full support of a partner to help, it can be relentless and quite unpleasant.

I love my dog but I am so, so grateful I have a DH who is fully on board so we can split the responsibility. If your DH isn't keen he's going to leave it all for you and I suspect you will very quickly become resentful at being the one who yet again has to get up to let the dogs out at 6am!

DH needs to be keen rather than not keen. Me and DD wanted a dog for years but until DH and DS were totally on board with the idea we didn’t
It’s a huge commitment and lifestyle change for everyone so everyone has to be up for it