Puppy while treated for cancer

[AlbertCampion]

I’m really sorry - this is very long.

I have wanted a dog for years. DH has been less keen but we have one DS and he was also desperate for one. After many, many discussions about how a dog would fit into our lives, we finally agreed to get one. Ideally we wanted a rescue but just couldn’t find any willing to home a dog with a seven year-old. Eventually, a friend recommended another friend who was expecting puppies and we put our name down. We were ridiculously excited.

Then, three weeks before our puppy came home to us, I was diagnosed with non-invasive breast cancer. We thought we’d be ok - I would have to have surgery but then only a short course of radiotherapy. My breast cancer nurse said having a puppy was still doable.

Then, the day before she arrived, I was given the results of my surgery. The cancer had become invasive and I needed further surgery. So, we had our puppy for two days before I went into hospital again and she ended up being looked after by friends and family for a couple of days.

During the surgery, they found out that the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes. This means, at the least, chemo and radiotherapy, and possibly further surgery as well. Five days later and I am feeling very shocked by it all and still in quite a considerable amount of pain. Wriggling puppy play is quite difficult!

So... I just don’t know what to do. DS absolutely adores the new puppy but is not very hands-on with her at all. He has to be prompted to play with her and is a bit nervous in his interactions with her. DH is trying hard but finding the toilet training a strain as it was always meant to be me shouldering the lion’s share of it all. And I love her very much but am also very scared of not being well enough to look after her over the coming months. She needs routine and consistency and patience, and I am worried that I am going to fail her by not being able to give her enough of any of these.

It is all a nightmare. I feel like something which we had looked forward to and planned for for so long has been ruined, and that I am going to inadvertently scar an innocent little puppy because of my inadequacies. I am stressing so much about it all and I really don’t need any extra stress at the moment. What should I do? What is the best thing for our puppy? Can you get dog fosterers who will take a puppy for six months in situations like these? Or will daycare take her on days when I am too ill to cope, or does she need to be toilet trained? Is that even fair on the puppy though? Will I irretrievably scar my DS if I take away his childhood pet when everything else is so uncertain? But will I let down the puppy it I am unable to properly care for her while I am ill?

Any advice would be so gratefully received. At the moment everything just feels so overwhelming, I don’t know where to turn.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

How do you feel with the option of returning the puppy to the breeder concentrate on yourself and your needs for the time being. Then when your treatment and surgery is over reconsider getting a puppy.

The puppy you have at the moment will not be scarred by being rehomed at all.

In my experience children are pretty resilient and will deal with the situation if explained in a way they can understand.

Cancer is shit and cancer timing seems to suck as well I do feel that you need to be allowed to concentrate on yourself and make things as easy as possibl for your family at the moment.

Equally though if you are distraught at the thought of giving the puppy back and people can help you, day care etc, dog walkers could it be a distraction? You dont have to be the perfect puppy parent - that will do will be fine!

Do not dwell on your inadequacies if I were to do that I would not get out of bed each morning, none of us are perfect do not beat yourself up will things you can not control.

The best thing for the puppy and the best thing for your DS is the same as the best thing for you. DO not have guilt, do not be super mum or super owner, just do you.

OP, that must be very hard.

There isn't a right or wrong answer here.

Now you know about your current health issues do you still want a dog? If long term the answer is no then that helps shape your decision.

If you still want the dog does your DH want to shoulder the training and care? Mine would now he has bonded with our dog but as a puppy I know he wouldn't have been able to cope. If he can't then I would consider returning him to the breeder.

If you think it will work out long term but you need to get through the initial period do you have the money to throw at it. Daycare isn't cheap, I pay £20 a day for ours and my puppy started around 3 months of age but I was lucky to find someone who accepted such a young puppy and who was happy to continue the toilet and obedience training.

Looking back to when we got our puppy if I was in your position I would have returned him as I don't think we would have coped.

Thank you so much for your replies. I just feel so horribly guilty about all this. I do love her so much - she is tiny and affectionate and so, so adorable. She makes me laugh and that is generally in quite short supply at the moment.

But... I am so scared about just keeping everything together. And I have done so much research into having a puppy that I am very aware of what hard work they can be. If this were an older dog then I think I could cope, but a puppy I am just not so sure about. I don't know if I have the strength.

Thanks so much for your responses. I am going to read them to DH tonight and see what he says. I know he really wants to just give the puppy back but will basically do anything to make me happy at the moment because he is so devastated by all this.

Can you afford regular day care when pup is a bit older?
Also some dog walkers do puppy visits, where they take the puppy into the garden, play for a bit and clean up after them if necessary. It’s usually for puppies who are too young to be properly walked and if/when the owner is out but it could work if you are there but too tired or unwell to do it.
It’s a hard decision, a puppy would give your DS something positive to focus on and it might be nice for you too but they are very hard work .

Dear OP,
I am so sorry you are going through this. It has been especially difficult as you have had to readjust your understanding of what was occurring and how serious it was several times. I had treatment for an aggressive form of breast cancer in 2019. I had chemo first, followed by surgery and then radiotherapy. The chemo was by far the worse. I had amazing support from my DH and DD but I can honestly say I would never have coped with a new puppy as well. This will be an immensely challenging for you and your whole family. I am sorry but I don't think any of you need the extra pressure or stress of the puppy. Making the difficult decision to rehome the puppy is being a great mum because you are realising where your and your family's emotional and physical energy needs to go and it is not to the puppy. Best of luck xx

So sorry to hear you are ill. I think it's best to return the puppy to the breeder now while she is still young enough to easily find a good home and plan to get a new puppy once you are better. I think your DS will understand as it sounds like he hasn't fully grown to love the puppy yet and maybe in a year or so he might even enjoy a new puppy more when he will be a bit more confident with their bitey ways.

Please don't feel guilty if you do decide to return the puppy. You have been dealt a curveball that no one could have predicted.

Do not feel guilty - thinking about this more I would give the puppy back.

OP if that puppy brings some fun try to keep it. Have you seen the website where people walk your dog - even if you don’t use that advertise locally and see if anyone would like to walk your puppy. So many families would love one but can’t have one - it could be a win win.
If you can afford it then get a dog walker - toilet training doesn’t take long. As long as pup gets to meet dogs and life it will be fine. No need for guilt. And if it is just too much that’s fine too - plenty of homes for a pup.

So sorry to hear you're going through this OP. Our puppy is now 12 months old and it's been a long hard slog. The teen months have been far worse than the puppy ones.

If I was in your situation I'd return pup to the breeder. Focus on your health and when the times right you can start again with another pup.

There's no need for guilt. Puppies are very hard work. Our DS is 11 and its been hard giving him attention as well as the puppy at times. I cant imagine doing it whilst going through cancer treatment.

Don't over think it and don't dwell on it. The time for a puppy will come again and you'll all be able to fully enjoy it and give it the attention it needs.

To be honest I would return the pup to the breeder. You will have enough to think of and go through without dealing with a puppy that needs training and consistency. Its hard work looking after animals and dealing with cancer. I've been through it myself. You have only just got the pup see if the breeder will take the pup back. Don't feel guilty over it. Appointments and treatments can become overwhelming without a new puppy which are hard work in the mix.

Talk to the Breeder they may be able to help out.
I am 50 : 50 keep it give it back, but I do feel it may help you and your family through this difficult time.
Our dogs preset and past have been a great comfort through life's traumas.
Just make sure you have you time the dog must understand walk time, play time , quiet time, sleep time. Illness is about fixing two things the body and the mind, Dogs are very good at providing love and helping you through difficult times, I think you might be surprised at how much a seven year old can bond with a dog and help the dog growing up, explain how the dog loves people but needs things from us like play time school time just like out routines etc. What ever you do it will be the right thing for you, just don't look back concentrate on getting your self better. All our thought will be with you and your family.

Oh bless you what a hard decision. Having been through cancer when my children were young I felt very much that they needed some routine to help offset the uncertainty and unusual goings on. So in that respect a dog could provide some much needed structure and routine and healthy activity as well as the love and calming soothing actions of stroking and cuddling a pup for you and your son.
However I don’t know your other commitments such as wo rk?