Is it normal to still cry 6 months on?

[Shangrilaa]

Beloved old dog PTS after very sudden decline at the beginning of March.

Was obviously very sad at the time but then the Covid shit started hitting the fan and provided a bit of a distraction and I was just generally down for quite a few months.

I can talk about him now absolutely fine but the minute I start to dwell on his death I can’t stop myself crying. I just miss him so much and although his passing was very peaceful and the right time for him, leaving him at the vets afterwards was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do (I know this probably means I’ve had an easy life)

I’m not sure how to get past this feeling.

I am so sorry you lost your boy. There is no right or wrong timescale for grief. We all process these things in our own way and it takes as long as we need it to. Please be kind to yourself and don’t start thinking the way you are processing things is wrong or taking too long.

I lost my boy a couple of weeks after his 7th birthday, four months ago this week. I can talk about him with my family now, but was saying to dh at the weekend that, for some reason, I have been really acutely missing him over the last week and have cried over his loss quite a few times.

All sorts of things set me off. On Sunday I found the box with his favourite toy and collar and tags that I’d put away because I knew seeing them would upset dh and that really got me. I still find it upsetting to see photos and videos and they will make me cry every single time too.

I have to stop myself thinking about how we actually lost him, as he was seriously ill for a long time, but his passing was at home, sudden and quite traumatic. Even just allowing the thought of it into my head is still too much.

My other dog is an old man. He is an absolute sweetheart and a great comfort, but I still miss my heart boy so much and I am sad that he never got the chance to be a spoiled old dog.

I have had dogs for over 30 years, but for some reason his loss has hit me the hardest. Dogs give themselves to us heart and soul, with your dog you never need to have your guard up and can truly be yourself and be open and for that reason they are often the closest relationship we have.

To some extent I think it’s good to allow yourself time to sit with and process the grief, as long as it’s not completely consuming your life. If it starts to get that way then it may be time to seek some support. You mention feeling generally down as well, so it may be worth a chat with your GP or a referral to IAPT. If not Blue Cross have a pet bereavement counselling service and there are some more links that might help here.

I can relate to your feelings OP. Lost my beloved cat recently and feel the same as you. I still cry most days, particularly at night. We had a very close bond and the loss is immense. 💐

It takes time. I lost my horse 13 months ago and I can't talk about her. I can look at photos and her stuff but I can't say anything about her without instant tears. Sadly I've been here before when I was 17 and my horse was PTS and it sounds a cliche but time does heal a little
I had a photo album printed and some rings made with her hair which I find really comforting but it's really finding your own way and what works. One day at a time and if that's too hard then one hour

OP. I understand your pain. I lost two dogs not so long ago, and they were both old ladies.. and my best friends. One of them was so wise and kind and it hurt dreadfully when she went. The other one went first, and then was followed by her. I did have another dog, and I did not want him to feel lonely so after about six months I got him a friend.

It's not moving on, and letting the memory of your dog down by getting another. Especially when so many doggies are in need of a good home, and you won't cry so much.

Thank you. to those who’ve had similar experiences.
Part of me would love another dog but they’re not easy to come by at the moment and in the absence of having one I’ve been reading lots of advice pages and seeing all the issues that people have with their dogs makes me worry that we wouldn’t be so lucky to have another dog as good as our boy

Remember, you raised him, so you will have had a lot to do with what a lovely boy he was.

Getting another dog does help as a distraction and doesn’t take away from your feelings for the one you lost, but you’re right about it not being easy to find one just at the moment. We decided not to get another pup, as our remaining dog is 15 and it really wouldn’t be fair on him.

I still cry & it’s a year + 4 months. I have two other dogs, both elderly but this death hit me harder than any I’ve mourned in the past & I’ve had a lot of dogs. I too would love another but it wouldn’t be fair on my two old ladies &, as you say, it’s very difficult at the moment.
I don’t believe a new one replaces the old one in your heart. The lost one just budges up a bit to make space for the new one.

Firstly, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. We had to PTS our 16 year old boy in August 2019. I still miss him everyday and we have another dog now. I still cry over him sometimes. They leave such a big hole in our hearts.

However, our hearts are wonderful and they are able to stretch to accommodate another dog when the time is right.

My dog died in March, one week short of his 7th birthday. I miss him terribly. We adored each other!

This afternoon dd and I watched Ghost and when Patrick Swayze walked off to heaven at the end we were weeping, both thinking of poor dog bouncing off to that great muddy walk in the sky . Oh, dear, that’s set me off again...

My girl was PTS in April. I think about her everyday, miss her everyday and still cry a lot when I think about her. How I wish she was here.

We welcomed home a new pup 5 weeks ago, and she is bloody lovely, and has helped a lot.

Sympathy and hugs

I'm so sorry OP

I’m not sure how to get past this feeling

I'm afraid you don't. You just learn to live with it. Happy memories, photos and video really help.

I still cry so much even years after ,when think about them, even though they're long dead and have been gone more years than they lived/could have lived.

We do everything for them, they rely on us for everything, they are a huge part of our lives, our routine. . Then suddenly they are gone. It is devastating.

Loss is loss, no matter who it is. Pets are family and grief is so personal. Never let anyone judge it.

I cry and it is almost 6 years.

She was the beat of my heart. I have no one just for me so she was my everything. My substitute child (my two didnt make it) my friend, my confidante and my reason to see through each day.

I can think of her and smile now but it took a few years to do that without sliding into a tear or twenty.

Sometimes I will think I catch her out of the corner of my eye but it isn’t ever her. Then I cry.

I was so very blessed to have her little soul as part of my life.

Thinking of you. . A lot of us here will know your pain.

And thinking of my girl. My darling, hairy, precious girl 🐾 🐾 x

My dog was PTS about 15 years ago and I will never forget his little wagging tail as we went to the back room to say our goodbyes. He thought we were there to take him home. . I could cry now if I thought about it too much.

Dogs are awesome and losing them sucks, feel down and cry whenever you want. But know at the end of the day you gave him a great life. Now get another one.

@MrsTumbletap, what you say resonates so much. Cry, and accept that you'll cry over and over again. I'm crying for you. It's obvious you were doing what was entirely right for him, because that's how you come across.

I agree, don't let the horrible pain put you off from giving another creature a great life while you have them. Last time I said, 'I just can't go through this pain again', and a few months later took my next rescue on. He's now snoozing between the radiator and the sofa, with his fleece and cushion; acts like I don't exist, except when I feed him, but I'm glad his elderly life is being lived out with us.

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this.

Don't underestimate the loss... he was part of your family and you loved him.

Grief gets easier over time because you learn to live with it, but it never goes away. In the meantime look after yourself x

That is lovely, SakiSiam. Lucky old dog to have found you.

Just snivelling again reading this thread

These creatures send out a lifeline to our hearts, and then leave us. Horrible for us, but wonderful when you see the diabolical things that happen to other animals. It's a dreadful pain, but one we chose to put ourselves through. It's awful to know about what happens to animals because of humans, but it's wonderful that so many people care enough about animals to suffer when they've lost them.

Sorry for your loss. I was exactly the same as you when we had to have our lovely girl pts I was beside myself. A friend of mine told me to rescue a dog to help me to heal and I was so against getting another one I felt like I was being unfaithful to her. But I wasn’t getting any better and I so missed having a dog In the house I decided to rescue one that was desperate for a home. I would never have gone and bought a puppy. I wanted something good to happen from her death and I went to the local kennels and said I would take the most needy one. I have never looked back There is something very heartwarming in rescuing a badly treated dog and I felt she was helping me as much as I was helping her. It took time and she needed lots of space but we gave her loads of comfort nice food and walks and gradually she learned to trust us She is now a very much adored part of our family and definitely the only thing that stopped me crying. Best thing I did. Good luck

Good for you @Skyla2005. Like you, after losing our previous boy I felt if I was going to take on another dog, it needed to be one that may be overlooked by others visiting the kennels, wanting to adopt. He's not a 'pet' (he's an idiot), but he was eight when we took him on, terrified of absolutely everything, and had never lived a life outside kennels (ex-racer). He's not satisfying as a pet, but I don't regret for a moment, [actually that's a lie, I do], that we took him on. He's our fourth rescue (two of them previously from the same place), and any little 'normal dog' thing he does, eg twirly tail, being happy we've come home, makes us feel good. He's not a replacement, far from it, he's another dog being given a home.

Again, Skyla, good for you for taking on a dog that may otherwise be overlooked.

This thread came up just as I was (again) weeping about dog. I had a large photo of him framed and hung in pride of place, but actually it's making me feel worse. Every time I look at it I dissolve into tears as he should be here, not stuck up on the wall.

Lovely rescue stories: I have just contacted someone in local rescue to look out for a likely candidate. She had just rehomed a dog that someone had not wanted because he was a thief .

Actually I read in the paper at the weekend that rescues are not expecting a rush of "lockdown puppy" rejects, because people have spent so much money on them - £3-4K for cockawotsits etc. They expect them in a few years when the poor dogs have been sold on repeatedly with people trying to recoup their outlay.