I met Jack before he was born. A friend was pregnant and, while we were chatting, we looked over at her dog and realised she was also pregnant. He was born on 25th August 2007.
Captain Jack Puppomatic (soon shortened to Jack!) came to live with me 10 weeks after he was born. He was beautiful - a little ball of fluff with a little pointy collie nose. He toilet trained himself, loved everyone and everyone loved him.
Over the next 13 years he took everything in his laid-back style - new puppies, house moves, many visitors, cats, horses, goats and chickens. He was once caught with a chicken in his mouth but I swear he was putting it back in the coop.
Earlier this year we realised his hips were troubling him and he was on medication for a heart murmur but his eyes were bright and a thrown ball took away any pain, at least for a while.
6 weeks ago Jack jumped into the back seat of our truck for a ride back from the stables. My partner opened the rear door for Jack to get out, then I asked him for a drill so he drove to to the yard, picked up the drill and came back to the house, closing up the truck.
About 4 hours later I wanted to put the dogs - we had 7 - into the shade for the afternoon as the temperate was pushing 40c but I couldn't find Jack. Then I looked into the truck. He was stretched out on the floor and looked asleep. He wasn't. I can't get that sight out of my head. My beautiful, soft, fluffy, loving, gentle Jack was dead.
My partner made a simple mistake, a tiny mistake, one we all make every day. He was distracted for an instant but in that instant he killed Jack. He was so, so distraught I couldn't - and can't - bring myself to blame him. We buried him in the garden that evening and we've planted so many flowers - roses - on his grave. It's beautiful. But I miss my boy so much and I'm not coping.
Every time I close my eyes I see his body - that split second of realising that he's been in a hot car for hours and he's dead.
I can't tell anyone IRL what happened, everyone thinks it's 'natural causes'. I want to hate my partner but I can't. It was a tragic accident and my best buddy died.
I don't really know why I'm posting this. I just need to put it into words.