Advice needed please re getting a dog - we have nervous cats!

[WatermelonSugarHigh]

Please help me, wise people of Mumsnet. We have been planning to get a Ddog for over a year now. We have a 9 year old DC and although we know it will be a massive amount of work, especially if we get a puppy or young dog, we think it will be good for all of us. DC would benefit from a 'doggy sibling' and both myself and DH would benefit from having no excuse when it comes to taking daily exercise! DC is also autistic (as am I) and we're hoping the dog will informally function as a therapy dog, helping with her confidence when out and about.

We took the decision to get a dog around a year ago. We had set ourselves a 'deadline' of this month to try and get a puppy if the right adult rescue dog hadn't presented itself to us by then. (We volunteer at a rescue centre as walkers and kind of hoped fate would introduce us to our perfect canine friend that way.)

Obviously we can't just go and get a puppy now, the prices have become totally unaffordable and that's if you can even find a suitable breeder near enough to you. But we're still trying to make plans for becoming dog parents, in the hope that perhaps a 'lockdown puppy' will find its way to us when his/her owners realise it's not workable to keep him/her once they're out of the house at work all day again.

My main worry is that we have two cats. They were rescues and the mum was semi-feral when we adopted them. She's very flighty and nervous, even runs from DH if he moves too quickly. Has taken me 18 months to get her to be fairly relaxed with me, and even now if I raise my hand too quickly as I go to stroke her she panics. She will be three years old in September, and we also have her son who has just turned two years old (she was a teen mom, poor thing!). He's more chilled and confident, and loves nothing better than to wind her up trying to 'play' as if she were a littermate rather than his mother.

Any advice for me? Particularly with regard to the type/age of dog that would be best to introduce to a home with two cats, one of whom basically seems to have feline PTSD. I would be heartbroken if getting a dog essentially ruined Dcat's life. And any tips for having a dog and cats survive amicably in the same house? We're already thinking we need to have one or two 'safe rooms' that the dog cannot access, and where we will locate the cats' litter trays and food. But haven't got much further than that yet.

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal

The success stories seem to involve massive upheaval for the cats, working out safe routes and places so the cats can escape, and in some cases the cat moving out. How is any of that better for the cat?

Not always, my current cat got on really really well with dogs introduced while she was young and once past the wariness now she’s older is fairly friendly with dogs. She quite likes them - she just doesn’t like change.... she also avoids rooms for a few weeks if you move furniture though

My last cat was never friendly with dogs, but she was a much bolshier personality and just completely ignored the fact a dog had arrived and carried on doing what she always did, apart from chasing them away if they were too close to me and she was sat with me... I was hers apparently lol

So no, not always massive upheaval - it’s all very individual cat dependant though.

Thanks everyone. Crikey, this has been a sobering read. It's also jogged my memory of the one dog we had when I was a kid - some sort of labrador cross puppy (same breed as our old dog who had been wonderful with the cats) - who made the cats' lives a misery. My parents eventually gave up and found the dog a new, equally loving but cat-free home. But when we got our Sheltie puppy a couple of years later it all worked very well and while the dog and cats weren't close, the dog knew she was right at the bottom of the pecking order. She never bothered the cats and they basically ignored her.

I think I may need to start working on managing expectations with DD... I really don't want to do anything to harm my cats. And there's no way we could part with them.

When I referred to the eldest as semi-feral, that was probably an exaggeration. She is becoming a very happy pet, just nervous of sudden movement and strangers. Cats Protection thought that she had perhaps had a home as a kitten but not been spayed in time and was thrown out when she got pregnant.

It seems that the cats would undoubtedly prefer that no dog ever enters this house, based on what I've read above. But then there are also tales of, with careful planning and lots of work, dogs and cats being able to live harmoniously.

@Itsarattrap we did volunteer as dog walkers at the animal rescue charity near us until lockdown. At first she loved it but then started wanting to adopt every single dog we met there. Now she finds it too upsetting, to meet dogs needing a home that we can't give a home to.

I was using 'doggy sibling' a bit flippantly. But she does get a little lonely sometimes, and cats aren't the best at hanging around with you when YOU want them to. Most dogs, in my experience, love any human that will pay them attention!

I adopted a cat a few weeks ago who had been given up because she didn’t get along with the new dog. She lost the only home she had ever known. Rotten thing to do to an innocent animal.

I think the cats will leave tbh. It's what they do when they're not happy

I think it’s a terrible idea sorry.
The cats will run which will incite pretty much all puppies to chase and once the pup has experienced the exhilaration of cat chasing it’ll be very hard to fix.
And contrary to what is always said about cats being the boss, cats have different personalities.
I have a very gentle, submissive cat, no way would she ever ‘show a dog whose boss’

we did volunteer as dog walkers at the animal rescue charity near us until lockdown. At first she loved it but then started wanting to adopt every single dog we met there. Now she finds it too upsetting, to meet dogs needing a home that we can't give a home to

We fostered dogs before we adopted, and my kids were the same, they loved the first couple, and then didn't want to know, because they kept having to say goodbye.

We started fostering because the visiting dogs had always got on fine with the cat. And cat was fine with some fosters and not with others. The dog we eventually adopted we fostered first and fell in love. But he chased the cat, hence the long journey to acclimatise them both.

We have always had cats and dogs generally the cats have been bought into the house after the dogs and had always been kittens. At best the cat and dog have slept in the same bed at worst they just about tolerate each other. I think cats need to know they can have. safe place where they can easily get away from the dog, our dogs have never been allowed upstairs, in our current house we have a stair gate that the cat can get through but the dog cant. We also feed him up stairs and he has a litter tray as well again he can eat and pee in peace. Both use the same cat flap to access our garden. Our current cat is very placid, previous cats have ether been very placid or very bold bordering on aggressive personalities. He walks around the house and goes where he wants and generally tolerates/ignores the dog, they will sleep within inches of the dog on the sofa.
I do agree with others to seems mean to introduce a dog into the home of your cat is he is very nervous.
Having said this we have a miniature poodle they have a very low prey drive and they are cheerful friendly to everything gentle obedient little dogs so maybe a good choice with cats. He frequently stands next to the cat wagging his tail and looking pleased to see him although the feelings are generally not reciprocated! He's not rough and tumble leaping around type dog and combined with his size probably makes him a good cat companion.

He frequently stands next to the cat wagging his tail and looking pleased to see him although the feelings are generally not reciprocated!
I have this but the opposite way around!
Cat is always so pleased to see the dog, she’ll race up to her tail up and rub all over her but the dog doesn’t really respond to her bar very occasionally putting her nose under cats chin giving her a little head rub back.
They play wrestle occasionally but really I think the dog tolerates her rather than loves her

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal

The success stories seem to involve massive upheaval for the cats, working out safe routes and places so the cats can escape, and in some cases the cat moving out. How is any of that better for the cat?

Not always.

As I said in my pp my cats had no problems at all with the puppy. They knew they were in charge and the puppy seemed to accept that from the word go.

She wasn't the type of dog to get rough with another animal anyway, was pretty independent, and waited for the cats to approach her.

I've got numerous photos of one of the cats curled up asleep next to the puppy. The male particularly absolutely adored the puppy and would sit and watch her play, like a loving grandpa.

I certainly wouldn't have introduced a dog into the home with very nervous cats.

I wouldn't introduce a cat into my home now. My dog is now 9 years old and whilst she grew up loving my two cats she seems to be very fearful of cats out in the street.

So as pp said, people should be very wary of what rescues tell them about dogs and their attitude toward cats as it might only apply to certain cats that they're familiar with.

I think I may need to start working on managing expectations with DD... I really don't want to do anything to harm my cats. And there's no way we could part with them.

You need to put your current pets first. You have a duty to them now. I don't think it's fair to expect a very nervous cat to be happy with a large, bouncy dog in the house. My cats are incredibly confident and happily play with the dog, but they also tell him off if he gets too rough.

A nervous, flighty cat is a whole different kettle of fish, though.

Yesterday I visited my Dad with my dog, and the two cats (he's only had them 2 months) went absolutely bananas, on tippy toes with arched backs and fur stuck out like a hedgehog's. They ran upstairs and my Dad said they didn't come back down for 6 hours and still had eyes like dinner plates and sticky out fur. Based on that half hour experience, I'd say don't (I'll be leaving the dog home next time).

PS I love cats. I'm definitely getting a couple of Ragdolls one day (not with dogs!)

We have a cat and are planning to get a puppy. We have a big enough house that cat can have upstairs and one side of the house and puppy can have the other side of be house. Cat usually likes other animals and gets on with other cats with one exception in our road. I hope they will get on but if not, DCat can have his space. He’s 17 and mostly sleeps.