My little dog is dying

[Shopgirl1]

I have an 11 year old jack Russel Yorkshire terroir mix, had her since she was a pup.
She seemed fine until a week ago, slowed down a bit due to her age, but otherwise normal self, chasing birds, eating and drinking normally, following me around, etc. Last Sunday I let her out in the morning and when I called her in she didn’t come, then I couldn’t find her, found her hiding, she refused to come in all day, just hid under a bush. She vomited and I thought maybe she had eaten something bad. No improvement Monday so took her to the vet, they did tests, gave her medicine and she came home.
Next day she got worse, went back to vets and they put her on a drip. Test results were back and she has a number of things, heart failure among them.
She came home on Thursday as she seemed improved. We had a normal evening with her on couch, wagging tail, eating. Friday normal too, then yesterday she started just sleeping and ignoring us, hiding under the couch. Today she is doing the same, now refusing food and water as well.
I know today is probably my last day with her. Can’t bear thought I won’t be in vets with her because of social distancing. Just all seems so sudden. Not sure what I’m asking here, just wanted to write it down and talk to other dog people.

I miss her so much. Slept Monday night as I suppose I was exhausted from being up all Sunday night with her. Haven’t slept at all tonight. All far too sudden, keep wondering if somehow I missed earlier signs she was ill. My house is so strange without her, sometimes if we were away overnight she stayed with my mother in law and we got her later, it feels a bit like those times, like I’m waiting for her to come home.

I'm so sorry, your post has been heartbreaking to read so I can't imagine what you are going through. She was loved all her happy life with you and it sounds like she knew you were helping her at they end. I'm sure you would have noticed earlier signs if they were there. She probably wasn't aware herself until the last week that she wasn't very well. Dogs are hardy I find. You did your best for her. I'm so sorry for your loss x

Thank you. I hope she wasn’t aware.

I did notice she was drinking more water than usual the week before, but didn’t think much of it, it’s only with hindsight I realise that was an indication she was unwell.

Sending big hugs.

I feel your pain, my lovely staffie is nearly 15 and has a large tumour which, due to his age, is untreatable. He is so thin now but no signs of pain. Two days ago our daily walk was a struggle for him so yesterday I left him with DH and took our younger one out for a long walk.
I know there isn’t much time left for him now and hope that I am with him when he passes and that it is at home not the vets surgery.
I know I’m lucky to have had him so long but he will leave such a big hole in my life.
I am so sorry for your loss.

They really do leave a huge gap. I thought I heard her this morning. Then I saw something from the corner of my eye outside the patio door, thought of her, but it was only a bird.
Would do anything for one more day with her before she got ill to cuddle her and spoil her. Feel guilty about times I told her to get off the new couch, or didn’t spend enough time with her.

Ordered a stone for the garden with her name on it yesterday and a new frame to put up a picture of her. Don’t care about those things today, they won’t bring her back.
Need to pull myself together, but I don’t want to at the moment.

Shopgirl I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts like nothing else.

But I want to say this to you - feel no guilt. You gave your girl a wonderful life full of love and cuddled her at the end. That was all she would have wanted. I say this to you because guilt is the horrible accompaniment to grief and you have to work at not letting it creep in where it has no place being.

You were a wonderful owner and she was a wonderful little dog. You loved each other and still do. Hold that close to your heart always and the days will slowly become easier and you will think of her with smiles rather than tears.

It is a hard journey but you will get there. Thinking of you.

Thanks Koshkat, your note has really helped me.
I love her, she loves me and that will never change, I need to remember that and think of all our time together, right up to the end.

So sorry.

I’m so sorry for your loss it really is a gut wrenching pain. Be kind to yourself and never question yourself with what ifs, or feel guilty about anything you obviously loved your little dog and she knew that. Guilt is part of grief and it’s not justified.
It’s a horrible thing to have to get through, the grief is proof of your love and as the old saying goes it does get better with time. ❤️

Thanks. Can’t believe it has been almost a week now already. The house is just not the same without her, miss her so much.