12 year old dog is restricting our lives

[Julier88]

Sorry I couldn't think of anything other than the harsh truth for a title.
So I have had my staffy since he was a puppy and he's now 12 years old. The last few years have been a bit of a nightmare. He has a lot of accidents in the house is say on average once a week but other times can be 3-4. He's been to the vet and around a year ago they said he has a deteriorating spine disease which could progress quickly or could drag on for a few more years and that's why he's lost a bit of bowel control. He's on some medications for pain. It doesn't seem to bother the dog that much as he still eats and drinks well. But he can't go for walks as he falls over quite a lot. Sometimes he tried and his back legs just give in and he drags them and they bleed. So now he just uses the garden and potters about the house. He has developed a nasty habit if occassionally left alone of eating it and vomitting it all over the place. It's a nightmare to clean. But he still seems very alert and content. My partner is Spanish and we have plans to move their but obviously we can't while the dog is still here since he's not able to walk outside the house. No dogsitters will watch him so we can visit his family and we would have problems getting him to one anyway. He also developed an aggression in his old age to other male dogs after he was attacked by one at age 8 so he can't be around them which rules out a lot of dogsitters anyway. We're both at our wit's end as the dog is full of life as long as he is using the garden and not taken on walks. Now my partner has a new baby brother, his dad most likely has prostate cancer and life is going on without us. We moved to a cheaper city as couldn't afford to stay in London where I'm from. So no nearby family to watch him. He's started not listening to any commands. It feels so trapping but we feel so guilty about the thought of taking him to the vet to be put to sleep. We're tired of cleaning carpets and floors as he just gets up and does it wherever he is if he doesn't have the time to go outside. The house ends up smelling awful. On top of that I'm suffering with extreme anxiety already. When I tell people I know they feel sorry for the dog which I don't understand because we are doing our best and making so many sacrifices to stop him from being put down and it's making us miserable and more stressed. Family don't understand why we can't visit. I'm getting so resentful and tearful. What would anyone else do in this situation? I'm getting to the point I dislike the dog.

I'd have another chat with the vet. My closest friend Who adored her dog, had to get the vet to put him down. I drive them there. And home. Was the best thing.

We had to put our 14 year old staffie to sleep last year. It was similar to your situation she had lost control of her bladder, refused to go walks, would only go in garden and on numerous medication. I couldn’t let her go on like that, it was utterly heartbreaking but it was the kindest thing to do. In hindsight we let it go on to long and I will always feel guilty for that.

This is a horrible time for pet owners, our family dog got to this stage when we was around 14. It was kinder to PTS than let him get worse in the end, it was so so hard for us to do this. But it is a part of being an owner to let them go when the time comes

From your update, it sounds like you're going to make the decision to let him go.

It really sounds like this will be the right thing to do. It's not easy, but it is kind.

I would PTS.
We made that decision a few years back for an old dog who could have lasted longer and was still eating, but had so much wrong with her (and getting worse) that we decided that it was kinder to end it sooner rather than later.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman that's so true. My partner is always very unsure of whether or not to PTS and I always say it's not like the dog is healthy. He has a lot of problems and they're not going to get better.

But he can't go for walks as he falls over quite a lot. Sometimes he tried and his back legs just give in and he drags them and they bleed.

This is awful. This would be enough to make my mind up. Really in my opinion it's time to say goodbye to him. He's not going to get any better, so what's the sense in keeping him hanging on like this with no dignity? There's more to a happy dog than just whether he can still eat or not. Sorry if this is harsh but let him go before he's lost all quality of life.

We had ddog 10 pts a week ago... She was full of life to the end..
Sha also had a brain tumour and was showing signs of aggression. She was never going to improve -like your ddog sadly.
As a responsible dog owner you do have to choose a date and make that appointment.
I feel I have shown ddog the most love and respect by giving her a happy send off - she had fish and chips on Monday, then pancakes last Tues! Imo she went well happy.
Certainly not in discomfort like you are describing...

I am having a similar issue.

Something a friend said to me is "that when the dog becomes a problem/issue to you then think about how the dog is coping"

Your dog is finding life hard and so that also means that you are finding life hard.

My dog was pts wagging his tail and eating chocolate icecream - it was the right decision (I think)

I'd pts. I think at this point his quality of life isnt good enough to justify keeping him alive. I think there comes a point when it's more about us not wanting to let them go than it is about what's best for them and as owners we have to think about whether we would want to live like that and how much enjoyment can he possibly be getting out of his life.

He wags his tail and loves belly rubs because he loves you. If you were living in such a state would you want your life prolonged just because you still smiled at your family and liked hugs with your husband or would you prefer that they let you go now and remembered you with fondness rather than looking on as you lost every bit of dignity you had and that was their last memory of you?

I dont think you would be selfish to let him go OP. I would consider it a kindness.

You sound like you feel the need to seek the permission of strangers on the internet to be able to put your dog to sleep. You really don’t. It’s a decision for you and your vet.

Remember that you have had 12 fantastic years together. My vet said they would rather put an animal down a day too soon than a day too late.

You dislike the dog because he had the temerity to get old! Would you feel like that about your parents?

I have an 18 year old cat who uses the litter tray to pee but doesn't like it to poo in so goes under my bed, in the bathroom, occasionally in the tray but I usually find a surprise somewhere in the house.

She is full of life and very affectionate, I love her dearly and would never have her PTS as long as she is fine physically and mentally.

I suspect your dog has gone deaf, my cat went stone deaf in just a year. That's probably why he doesn't obey commands.

I have simple sign language I use with my cat which she understands instead.

For example patting my bed if I'd like her to come up on the bed and showing her a bowl for food and she understands all that perfectly.

It sounds to me you want permission to put the dog to sleep but we can't do that. That is a decision only you and your family can make.

@madcatladyforever it's not because he's gotten old. My last dog lived til 14 and was completely different. Had all his faculties though had dementia. A small cat poo is nothing compared to massive puddles of poo on a rented carpet. The dog has had 12 very good years and before he lost the ability he travelled with me everywhere I went and had a great life. Also I can't compare it to my parents as both of them are dead. I have extended family who are ill and need me and I want to be there for them. I'm not asking permission I'm trying to gain perspective of people in similar situations.

Also he's not deaf as he hears the rustle of his favourite treats even if he's sleeping

I am absolutely dreading being in your position because I love my dog like a child. i think I would almost want the vet to tell me it was the right thing to do rather than make the decision myself! I do think it would be easier being 12 though and knowing he had had a full happy life. I would make an appointment with the vet to discuss what they think is best and if the decision is to pts then spoil him rotten before that date and maybe take him to a local park to sit on the grass so he could lie and have his belly rubbed....god I could cry now sometimes wonder why I had a dog which opens you up to ok loads of happiness but loss

@youneverknowwhatyourgonnaget it's one of the hardest decisions because we know we're going to be devastated. He's worried that it will send me into even more of a depression but I said I'll just have to deal with it because the dog has a lot of problems and I don't want his legs to go completely. The vet has said one day we could get up and he'll be paralyzed at the back. All my other pets have gone peacefully in their sleep so it's my first time dealing with it.

Sounds like my old dog. She'd had a complicated break to her leg as a pup, which was pinned successfully at the time, but developed a worsening limp once she turned ten.

She was reluctant to put weight on her leg even with painkillers, so walks became shorter and shorter, then eventually stopped. She became increasingly incontinent. Eventually I seemed to spend half my day sorting her out and cleaning her (and the carpet) up.

DH was horrified at the idea of letting her go as he felt she wasn't in pain but I could see she wasn't having a good life.

I fed her copious amounts of ham on the way and told her what a good girl she was, and cuddled her head while she was put to sleep. It was absolutely the kindest thing to do.

We love them so much, and they trust us to do the right thing. Letting them go when it's time, and continence issues and unable to walk is time, is absolutely the right thing to do.

Better a month too soon than a day too late.

I have two Staffies who are my life but I would have spent a lovely day with them if they were that ill then have vet over to PTS. I wouldn't give a fig about not being able to go abroad or out for walks just that my dog was not in pain and suffering! Our dogs are our family and should be treated with respect and love till the day they die.

I didn't mean to sound critical OP I've had heart breaking decisions to make in the past too, I just think this is a decision for you and your family to make and I was a bit upset you said you disliked the dog. It isn't his fault.
He is probably nearing the end of his life and needs to be PTS but he's been a faithful companion for many years so I hope you remember how he was and do whatever you have to do kindly.

@nicky7654 it's not about going abroad it's about seeing our family. It's not a vacation as I said my partner's dad most likely has cancer and his grandfather has dementia and lots of other family things. If I didn't care about my dog I wouldn't have had him for 12 years. It's just a lot of unfortunate circumstances that have all come up at once. You say dogs are like family and I agree but human family members are just as important.

Also I was the one who stopped the walks for the dogs sake because he wasn't enjoying them. I wasn't complaining that he couldn't go for walks.

We had our dog pts last year for the same reasons. He was also 12 and hadn't deteriorated as much as your dog but the only quality of life he had left was enjoying his food and going for a walk about once a week which he'd need that long to recover from.

We decided that a week too early was better than a day too late. I struggled with the decision and was a mess for a few weeks beforehand. After the first awful few days after he was pts I felt at peace with my decision and now am so pleased that he didn't suffer any more than was necessary. He could have 'survived' another year I think but wouldn't have been living.

Like your dog he'd have frequent accidents, his spine was deteriorating, he would collapse on his back legs, amongst other issues including heart problems and arthritis. He was also 'hiding' a lot during the last year. For the last few weeks it got worse and he started hiding under the table and shying away from my dc after a few minutes as we feel it must have hurt him to be touched too much. We were told that dogs do this when they're in a lot of pain as they're pack animals and they don't want to show weakness.

It's a hard decision but you have to think about the dogs quality of life and from you've said I don't think he has much left. for you.

Truthfully op the last fortnight of our last time together - we planned the date so we could get a bit more mentally prepared - was way more stressful than the actual 'event' itself. It's been a week this past hour since we left the vet's without her.
I have so many memories. But none of guilt that I wasn't brave enough to end her suffering. I granted her that much.

Op your ddog from what you describe hasn't much dignity...
As it's owner unfortunately you need to make the call.
When I sat with my ddog I knew it was for her benefit she was going - not mine. She looked so at peace during the whole thing.
RIP my beautiful girl.

It's the quality of life that counts, not the quantity. If his enjoyment of life is becoming limited then you know it's time. Being unable to go on a walk, incontinent and requiring constant pain medication is not right for a dog. Speak to your vet, and if you reach that decision give him the best weekend ever before you say goodbye.

I know I'm going to have to face the same at some point. Our Staff is about the same age (rescue, so unsure of exact age) and there are subtle signs developing that indicate an underlying problem. We already suspect that at her age it wouldn't be fair to put her through the diagnosis and treatment procedures this would require.