Friend buying a puppy-Please help me get perspective

[rumred]

Hello all I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with a friend buying another puppy. It's really upset me. She rang to tell me, she 'knew I'd disapprove'.
It's an ethical issue for me, knowing so many animals are in shelters and that people breed for money/greed
She bought a puppy a few years ago and said they'd get a rescue dog once she'd settled. Her partner is pretty unpleasant and certainly wouldn't consider the impact of his actions on anything.
I suppose I'm disappointed and sad that she knows the issues and still does it. She told me the breeder loves the dogs and that's why he does it. Funnily enough he's not giving them away.
I try hard to be a good person in the world and the climate stuff at the moment comes as no surprise. Buying animals seems really selfish and unkind to me, like wasting resources and profiting from others' suffering.
I may well be coming across as a tosser, maybe I am. I just feel so sad. Not helped I'm sure by other issues like her moving 8 hours away from friends and family to give her boyfriend a fresh start.
I'm not sure I've explained properly but would appreciate other views

[DogAndCatPerson]

Puppy farmers are absolute arseholes who provide a market for naive* people and for people who just want a puppy ‘now’ and aren’t prepared to wait and/or don’t care about the ethical implications.

I absolutely support people rehoming animals from rescues (we have done it all our lives) but for various reasons, it wasn’t right this time.

Ethical rehoming centres (there are plenty of dodgy ones) and responsible breeders are both legitimate choices. It’s what falls between that causes the problems (as well as irresponsible owners).


*although to be honest, I do question the naivety defence. There is SO much easily accessible advice out there about what to look for and avoid, that I think it is mostly just laziness and the instant-gratification thing that keeps these places in business.

[BiteyShark]

Why is the responsibility of this generation to deal with the climate change crap because of the irresponsibility of previous generations? Why is it my responsibility to give to charity because the government won't or can't fund everything? Why is it my responsibility to pick up litter when some other scrote has dropped it? Why is my responsibility to be a good citizen when others aren't? Because that is what reasonable human beings do.

Really. So I should give to charity on top of my taxes? I may give because I want to not because you think I should. I certainly wouldn't tell you how to spend your money.

And how the hell is buying a puppy mean you aren't a good citizen or a reasonable human being?

[Hagbeth]

After a long search bought my Corgi from a fantastic kennel and don’t regret it one bit.
When he’s a bit older I would like to find a friend for him from a rescue.
You can do both!

[Wolfiefan]

Depends. I bought a pup. Having always had rescues animals I wanted a particular breed of dog. I wasn’t happy taking a rescue wolfhound as a first dog and probably would have been refused anyway. (Cats abs kids!)
I spent about two years researching breeders and the breed. My girl’s mum has one litter. She’s been spayed. I’m in regular contact with the breeder. Meet with her and littermates. She bred because she wanted the next generation of her line.
Picking a puppy off Scumtree or Petsfortemporary homes? I’d judge. Definitely. Not because they haven’t rescued. Not everyone can or should. But because they’re funding puppy farmers or backyard breeders.

[Branleuse]

cant she get a rscue puppy? The rescue I got my dog from often has puppies.

Anyway OP. I do agree with you, but also, you need to remember this is none of your business ultimately and she doesnt need to run this past you. She knows your views, and youve said your piece. I wouldnt allow this to come between you and a mate

[rumred]

Thanks for all the thoughts.
I was still processing it when I first posted, she'd rang to tell me and it was a bit odd.
I realise it's not my circus not my monkey so that's an end to it. I value being able to hear all the different opinions on here, it does help.
I'm visiting her in a few weeks (she's 8 hours away) and will just enjoy our friendship.
Thanks again

[StarlightIntheNight]

I have to say, its not fair to get upset at your friend for this. Rescue dogs are not always appropriate for people, for example with young kids etc. And like a pp said, if everyone who bought a dog, actually did research, found appropriate breeders and type of breed for their family, and KEPT their dog, no rescue dogs.

We bought our dog from a breeder and did two years of research before settling on a breed/breeder. We are in love, we are smitten, she is part of the family and is the perfect dog for us and is well loved. You can not fault someone for wanting the right dog for their family. A rescue dog would not work for us.

[Jaffacakesaremyfave]

My sister shamed me after getting my cross breed puppy and openly went on about the ethics and how unhealthy the breed is (which is why I got a cross breed 🙄 and I still love her to bits 3 years on!), all in front of my DC. She then went on to get 2 rescue dogs and ended up giving one back to the rescue as it was biting her DC and destroying the house.

If people want to rehome a dog then that is great but it's not for everyone and its certainly none of your business to impose your own values on someone else.

Why does it matter if she wants to move away with her BF? Unless he is abusive to her and you think he's trying to isolate her then why can't you be happy for her? You seem to be way over invested in your friends life tbh.

[DarkDarkNight]

I try hard to be a good person in the world and the climate stuff at the moment comes as no surprise. Buying animals seems really selfish and unkind to me, like wasting resources and profiting from others' suffering.

I think you’re conflating two separate issues. Yes it’s sad that there are lots of animals in rescue centres, but it’s up to your friend where she gets a Puppy from. She shouldn’t have to justify her life choices to you. She doesn’t have to rescue a Dog now because she bought a Puppy last time. She is buying from a responsible breeder at least which is better than encouraging Puppy Farms.

It would be like me saying anybody who is really bothered about climate change wouldn’t have a child/Children and contribute to overpopulating the planet but would adopt instead.

[Livelikejackandsally]

Sounds like your friend expects to be judged by you.
Maybe you need to worry about if you're behaving the right way in the relationship before worrying about how she runs her life

[Cohle]

I think you're being unfair and a bit judgmental.

By all means choose adoption when it comes to your own pets, but I just don't think it's a cut and dry enough issue to lose a friend over. There are various reasons a rescue dog isn't always the right choice for specific circumstances. Unless you're a saint you probably make choices others don't always agree with.

[Starstruck2020]

YABU. It’s not up to you to approve of your friend getting a puppy. I’d think twice about the friendship if I had to prewarn someone about my plans

[rumred]

Just to clear some misunderstandings up. We've been friends over 25 years, through some incredibly hard times, and have supported each other. We have a good honest relationship. This won't ruin it. She's given me both barrels at times. Good friendships last because you can disagree with each other and still love the person.
So as I said before I get it's my issue, I've thought about it and listened to different perspectives. I'm human and some stuff upsets me. As it does us all.

[fivedogstofeed]

FWIW op I don't think you're a tosser, I would also be upset.
A colleague of mine bred her dog at a year old and sold the pups on Scumtree. She knew I'm involved in rescue and would be upset. I still have a good working relationship with her, but my opinion of her as a person has definitely changed.

[Fuma]

Tbh I don't see how anyone who owns another living being can make judgements about someone else who also owns another living being based on a slight difference of means of acquisition. Also, if you're talking about environmental damage then pet ownership is inherently environmentally damaging so again, there's maybe a hair's breadth between you. So on that basis my advice on how you deal with it is to stop seeing yourself as any different to your friend, because you're not really.

[fivedogstofeed]

But fuma it's not a 'slight difference in acquisition '. The difference in supporting unnecessary breeding and trying to help by homing an unwanted puppy is huge.

[Spidey66]

We wanted to get a rescue dog, but found it impossible. Many of their dogs had behaviour issues and because we didn’t have experience of difficult dogs (we’d only had experience of family dogs as kids) we weren’t allowed one. All the dogs without issues were snapped up.

All the organisations we signed up with told us on paper we were perfect but there was no dog suitable.

We ended up getting one from a breeder. So shoot us.

It’s easy to be sanctimonious about it when you ain’t the one struggling to get a rescue dog.

[MajesticWhine]

She rang to tell me, she 'knew I'd disapprove'.

Honestly OP who needs friends who are going to disapprove of your every step. You can make your own personal life choices, and also say your piece and raise awareness in whatever way you see fit with others. And then lighten up and let it go.

[TeacupRex]

If she bought it from a ethical preservation breeder that breeds for health, temperament and breed standard? Then I have no issues with that. Without responsible breeders, we'd lose all the dog breeds that we love. If they're not cutting corners, there's not much money to be made and many breeders will just about break even with a litter. Health testing, stud fees, ultrasound scans, general vet fees, emergency care (such as in the event of an emergency c-section), cost of raising the puppies, it's not cheap! For people that show or work their dogs because of the love of the breed, this will not cover the money invested into taking them to shows and competing. For these breeders, it's a hobby because they love their dogs, they did not get into it for the money.

If they got the puppy from a puppy farm, a backyard breeder or a commercial breeding facility, by all means rant away. These DO contribute to dogs being given to rescues. A responsibly bred pup should never end up in rescue, as the breeder will have made the new owner sign a first-refusal contract. If at any point in that pup's life, if it needs to be rehomed, it goes straight back to the breeder.

Not everyone is able to rescue, for many reasons, and to assume that everyone can is an incredibly narrow-minded and judgemental way to think. Families with young children may be instantly denied a rescue. A lot of people are not equipped with the knowledge to take on a rescue's potential behavioural issues. Some people want the assurance of a fully health-tested dog, and like being able to know their dog's full history and pedigree. Some people need a bred-for-purpose pedigree with predictable traits for a particular reason - such as for guide dogs, police dogs, working dogs etc. There will always be a demand for puppies. We should be advocating for responsible breeding AND responsible rescue. And believe me, there are some rescues out there that are extremely dodgy and don't have their animals' best interests at heart.

[MaryLennoxsScowl]

My experience of rescue centres was exactly the same as Spidey66’s. I don’t live that close to a centre, they’re closed after normal office hours or on my free days, even though I only work 3 days, you can’t reserve a dog unless you’ve visited twice on separate days, and any dogs with any issue at all was deemed unsuitable as we hadn’t owned dogs as adults, even though we both grew up on farms with loads of animals including dogs. We were cleared by all the rescue places as suitable, but three months later were no closer to getting a dog. So we decided that the hassle of the first three months of puppy training couldn’t be worse than three more months searching for a rescue. Not sure i still believe that but that’s why we changed course. And we did our research too.

[PookieDo]

I don’t really like talking to my neighbour for similar reasons that I think she is a twat pet owner. she’s hardly ever home and has a small very barky dog I have never seen her walk. Apparently it’s dog aggressive. She often leaves her front door open and the dog gets out into the street. She has now gone and bought a small fluffy puppy! I don’t know where the other dog has gone but I have only seen her walk the new dog twice, and she commented that I was even walking mine in the rain
Yesterday the puppy was unleashed and bouncing around the street and seems to pretty much be carted about in her car most of the time
I would assume as she’s not exactly well off or very bright that she bought her puppy from a backyard breeder or farm

[Mrwoofington]

Maybe instead of all the energy some of you are using to look down your noses at other people,
You could use a little bit of it to educate them, without being rude and patronising

[rededucator]

Motherofdragons No, what it means is that parents shouldn't buy babies produced to sell based on their race and beauty when they're are other babies in orphanages going free.