What do we tell the kids

[MadCap]

I've posted previously about issues with my Caucasian cross. Bitten 2 people, badly enough to break skin. Nearly dragged me in front of a car. I have severe mental health issues that exacerbated by the isolation caused by this.

I think we have come to conclusion that pts would be the best and kindest option. Vet and behaviourist both agree. We have some sanctuaries to contact first, because we're really finding the idea difficult.

DH and I can't decide what to tell the DC's if we do. He's a healthy young dog so we couldn't tell them he's sick. Should we say that he's gone to a new family? They're 8 and 10 and quite switched on kids. They know he has issues and that we can't take him out in public.

Please be kind.

Please tell your children the truth if he is PTS. I was the child who was lied to when my Grandmothers dog ( Gran lived with us) was PTS. I was 8 and was told that because the dog was poorly, which I did know, she was going to go and live with the Vet and we were not going to visit her because it would upset the dog. A year later I found out the truth and was not only upset about the loss of the dog, but furious that I had been lied to. It made the whole thing 100 times worse.
I think I would tell the children something like this;

1. When you cross two breed of dog you can never know which characteristics will be most dominant in the grown up dog.
2. Your dog is part Caucasian, a breed selected to be able to live, often alone, in wild country looking after and guarding a flock of sheep. It was never intended to be a pet, living in a house and mixing with a lot of people.
3. Dogs live in the here and now. They have no concept of how long they should live for.
4. Because of his breeding, your dog will never be truly happy living in a house and around lots of people.
5. Because of all this it is the right and kindest thing to allow the vet to give him an injection which will send him into a sleep so deep that his heart will stop and he will die peacefully.
6. We will all be very sad about this but in time it will get better and we will be able to have a different dog who will be happy with us and we with him or her.

I an so sorry you are all going through this. It is a very hard decision to have to make for the children and for you

Tell them the truth. They are old enough to understand. I would say he is being pts because he is unhappy living in such a high state of stress and he might hurt someone. Then add the positive of, when he doesn't live with you anymore they can start having friends over again?

I have serious mental health problems myself (I am under the care of the crisis team atm after a suicide attempt 2 months ago).

I can see why this would make you struggle much more with the idea of the discussion. But I have DC of your ages, and I would absolutely tell them the truth:

I have asked the experts to help with his behaviour, but they said that because he even bites people he loves (me) and because he is so scared to even go out of the house without getting defensive and aggressive, because the world is so terrifying to him, it is the best thing for him - and for the family and the people he might accidentally hurt one day, if he got loose - that we make the decision to put him to sleep.

I would then follow up with:

Dogs live in the moment - they cannot predict the future and they do not really understand the past. So to give a dog a good life, you need to remember that dogs aren't like people - you can't remind them it might be better tomorrow, and you can't tell them that what happened yesterday won't happen again because it's different today. They think what's happening right now is what will always happen, all the time. So for our poor dog, it's better that he doesn't have to live in fear every day. It wasn't fair to him that he couldn't go for walks with us, because he was so scared.

And then you need to be prepared for the crying.

I'm so sorry. It's bloody awful. But you are 100% doing the right thing if he cannot find a placement or live a happy life with your family (and you have young DC, you should not place his life over their needs).

I remember your earlier post. I am so sorry but I think you’re doing the right thing.

Not having kids I can’t say anything sensible.

Thinking of you.

I would add:

I am your dyed-in-the-wool dog lover who BEGGED her parents for a dog for years, and I completely empathise with your DC. But I knew from an early age that my (adored) grandmother had taken the decision to put her family dog to sleep because it had bitten a child. I always knew my GM absolutely doted on dogs - I never ever doubted her judgement and even as a young child I empathised with her difficult decision.

It's only now, as an adult, that my DM (her DD) has provided more context - they worked with the dog for YEARS, but it got worse and worse and more and more unhappy.

It's not always the kindest thing to keep a dog alive and make it undergo separation and having to rebond, just to spare our human feelings. No one - child or adult - should believe that euthanasia is an "easy way out". But dogs are not people. They are dogs, and they deserve us to treat them as dogs, not people.

Is it at all possible to see if a company that trains dogs for guard purposes - military or police etc would look to take him?

I've not seen one of these but they are not family pets and are so powerful. Just wondered if that was an option?

@wombatron Guard dogs need to be completely bombproof and obedient to their handler. This dog has bitten a total stranger without provocation as well as his owner, runs away when he gets loose and has almost caused an accident by dragging his owner in front of a car. I don't think you'll find any military/police organisation willing to take on such a dog.

I'm sorry you're in this situation

Just remember - there are worse things for a dog than being humanely PTS.

Too often we forget that.

@TeacupRex in my opinion it's always worth enquiring. Dogs are not born obedient it is taught. It is most likely too late and they won't, but I would always explore every avenue before PTS

I have serious mental health problems myself (I am under the care of the crisis team atm after a suicide attempt 2 months ago)

I would be really surprised if your DC make a connection between mental illness in a human and a dog being PTS for aggression.

I agree with BrownOwlknowsbest - it's better to tell them the truth. Eventually they will either find out or guess and will feel betrayed if you are not honest now. And what are you going to say when they ask to visit him, or whether his new family can send them photos of him?

I would keep your explanation simple and focus on the dog's wellbeing - it is not fair to keep him when he cannot enjoy a normal doggy life. NoSquirrels puts it very well.

And well done for taking such a difficult decision. It sounds as you have done your absolute best for him and I am so sorry it hasn't worked out

Always tell the truth. Otherwise it will come back on you at some point. Kids can handle more than we think. Cushioning them from reality doesn't work. I've learned through experience. These things build understandings that things are not always black and white.