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The doghouse

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Original poster

DH and DDs would like a dog but...

78 replies

SandunesAndRainclouds · 27/05/2019 16:50

...I’m not sure I do, and I wouldn’t even know where to start!

DD(13) has wanted a dog for as long as I can remember and I’ve always said no - mainly because I was working as was DH and I didn’t see the point in having a dog to leave it at home alone all day.

DD had cancer / major surgery a couple of years ago and her recovery has been helped by PAT dogs. This will be coming to an end soon and she’s already saying how much she’ll miss them, and is building anxiety about the dog not being around any more.

We also have a DD with SEN who isn’t great with any animal tbh. However, we’ve just spent the weekend with a friend and her dog (spaniel) and I’ve seen how both of my girls have relaxed and enjoyed the dog. He’s a super calm, quiet boy though.

I find myself coming around to the idea but wouldn’t commit without research and understanding of breed etc - which is where I could do with some guidance please!

I am now at home full time so dog would always have company. I am very active so walks / exercise aren’t a bother and I’d be happy to train, play and mentally exercise a dog. I also run so it would be nice to have a dog that could join me on the shorter runs. I wouldn’t expect a dog to run with me over 5kms.

My must haves are calm, non-barky, likes a cuddle and being handled. If we could train as a PAT dog that would be great and I’d be happy to do that - especially for the benefits I’ve seen with my girls. We have 2 cats so would need to fit in with them. I’m also happy to groom but would prefer a dog that doesn’t moult loads.

I wouldn’t discount a rescue (cats are rescues and not an issue) but everything I’ve looked at so far online needs an adult only home with no cats... I thought a puppy would be easier to train into our home but happy to be corrected.

Apologies for a huge essay but any advice or suggestions are welcome!

OP posts:
florentina1 · 27/05/2019 19:41

My son has a working Cocker Spaniel. He is just the best dog ever,apart from mine. They have had him since a pup, he was very quick to train and is a bundle of fun for the children. They put off getting a dog as my GD was very nervous of them. However having spent time with my dog she has overcome her fear.

BasiliskStare · 27/05/2019 20:30

@Jaxhog - I would not disagree and if you were playing the percentages you would not have a terrier. But there are terriers and terriers, Both my borders have stayed in houses with cats and were fine BUT here's where I agree with you - the house had experienced dog owners. My two wold chase a squirrel at the drop of a hat. A Cat who is clearly part of the family they would ignore. But I do get your point.

Fucksandflowers · 27/05/2019 21:14

I think you should visit a reputable rescue that fosters rather than kennels with an open mind with regards to breeds.

Pretty much all puppies of all breeds are very bitey and bouncy which I don’t think would be a good idea with a SEN child’s who isn't typically great with animals.

I have a work bred border collie who fits exactly what you are looking for, she is super calm and placid with children, very lazy around the house but as a puppy, like all of them she bit a lot, put holes in all my clothes..

Original poster
SandunesAndRainclouds · 27/05/2019 21:16

We’ve got Dog’s Trust and RSPCA rehiring centres nearby so will be paying them a visit and starting our education!

OP posts:
Fucksandflowers · 27/05/2019 21:29

No, that isn’t what I mean.

Both Dogs Trust and RSPCA keep the dogs in kennels.

You cannot accurately gauge a dog’s temperament in kennels.

It is an extremely stressful environment.
Dogs in kennels that appear to be calm and sedate may actually be shut down and depressed and when in a home environment may turn out completely the opposite, super lively and bouncy.
Equally, dogs in kennels that bark furiously and lunge and pace and whine may actually be deeply anxious and in a home environment may be very calm and placid and tolerant.

What you need, IMO, is a rescue that fosters.
What I mean by that is all of their dogs will be living in a house with a foster family.
That way, you can see the ‘true’ temperament of the dog.

Original poster
SandunesAndRainclouds · 27/05/2019 21:38

Oh I see what you mean, sorry. That makes sense, I’ll see what I can find locally.

OP posts:
Cahu58 · 27/05/2019 21:57

So happy to see my 2 favourites here. Border Terriers indeed are different to other terriers in that they have that human quality if you know what I mean. Very very lovable. Just spent a year living with a 3 year old Golden Retriever (daughters boyfriends dog) and I fell totally in love with his calm, gentle nature. Yet playful when he wanted to be! The shedding was bad particularly in summer, my cordless Dyson couldn't keep up with it, but they are flloppers, ( come home and flop) and don't follow you round the house every minute which I prefer. Can't wait to retire and buy either one! Your family would love I'm sure one of these breeds. There is a rehoming group for retrievers on Facebook by the way.

ItsalwaysLTB · 28/05/2019 07:42

OP I have no idea how you'd find one but a friend of a friend had a retired Army dog. A springer spaniel, beautifully trained and temperament. They got him at age 7 and he lived a good 5 years having had a very happy second life.

Fucksandflowers · 28/05/2019 08:19

Re ex military dogs

www.pawsandwalks.co.uk/dac.html

Wolfiefan · 28/05/2019 08:27

Don’t forget that rescues get puppies too!
Many smaller rescues foster animals so they can be honest about what sort of family they would suit. ELGR or black retriever x.
If you decide to buy a pedigree then start with the breed club. They can point you to decent breeders (who don’t have a litter often or advertise). They can also inform you about health tests etc. Eg I have a wolfhound and both parents should be heart tested before breeding and then puppies should be tested for liver shunt before homing.

Disfordarkchocolate · 28/05/2019 08:38

Have a look at specialist rescue centres if you find a breed you love.

Original poster
SandunesAndRainclouds · 28/05/2019 09:15

I’m really grateful for all this amazing advice, thank you.

I’ve found an animal rescue nearby, I thought they were only wildlife rescue but they also have small animals for rehoming. No kennels or catteries, all fostered with a very strict rehoming policy which I like. I will make contact with them and have a chat to see if they think our criteria matches theirs. They currently have an 18 month dog who is being adopted due to owner’s work commitments, so it would seem that opportunity is there. We’d have to be careful about early learned behaviours I assume?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 28/05/2019 09:48

I think its worth waiting for the right dog to come along. If you have children and cats, then the last thing you want is a big project, ie a tramatised or neglected dog, no matter how much our heart breaks for what theyve been through. Its got to be the right dog for you.
A decent rescue centre will be able to match you up, especially if you wait. Avoid the ones where they repeatedly post desperate urgent facebok posts, as these can become addictive and pressure you into getting a dog that is too much to handle

Disfordarkchocolate · 28/05/2019 09:51

Good luck. Lots of very nice dogs end up being re-homed. We got our dog at one-year-old and had no issues with his behaviour with our children at all, he had been a stray so needed some extra love.

BasiliskStare · 28/05/2019 12:04

Just to agree with a pp - I have a good friend who fosters dogs. So when they are sent to local dog home she and her DH will take them for up to 4 weeks ( once they have been signed off as basically healthy ). After that she and her husband have to sign a form re dog's behaviour ( i.e. are they suitable for being re homed. It's hard sometimes because she has to say "no" and she knows that has serious consequences for the dog. But I would strongly suggest if you want a rescue / re homed dog - look for somewhere where they foster them first.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 28/05/2019 15:10

Terriers and cats: our terrier grew up with a cat, and she was absolutely fine with OUR cat. Other cats, not so much.

The same goes for our current dogs (working strain, strong prey drive): the family cat is their mate. The younger one is being slowly trained to STOP when she sees a cat outside, and heel away with me.

Avoiding puppy farmed dogs can be, I think, quite tricky, as the people selling them are likely to be completely unscrupulous. They have been known to rent a house as a front, have a bitch of the same breed (or, say, a cocker bitch when selling cockapoos) to hand, and claim cheerfully that, yeah this is mum, she's got no interest in them now as she's sick of them, but yeah, born here - in the kitchen actually, etc etc. There is a lot of advice about puppy-farmed dogs online but my own observations are:

  1. Be prepared to wait for your puppy, and make sure you see it when it's 3-5 weeks old and still feeding from its mum with its litter mates. If the puppies are older, check the bitch for signs of recent lactation (distended nipples should be obvious).
  2. See if the breeder will be FB friends with you (this let me see our dog's breeder out in the fields working the mum, and showed me a meet-up of the breeder with several dogs and owners from the previous litter)
  3. Never agree to buy a puppy away from the place where it was (allegedly) bred.

Aside from the welfare implications for the parent dogs, puppy-farmed puppies are more prone to health and behavioural issues.

Fosters: some breed/type rehoming organisations are great: they'll get dogs into foster for as long as it takes, and arrange lots of meet-ups between the dog and the owners-to-be.

Never be pressed into taking a dog - any dog, puppy, foster case, rescue dog - that you feel you don't really want or don't feel you could cope with.

Wolfiefan · 28/05/2019 16:49

Good luck OP. With animals in fosters they can advise you about any potential issues.

sillysmiles · 28/05/2019 17:38

It might also be worth looking to see if a local rescue will allow you to foster with the intention to adopt - so that you still have the safety of a come back if the dog doesn't suit the family.
You'd just have to make it clear to the girls that the dog is not staying from the start and you are helping it rehabilitate to go to a new home. Then if the dog is a match for your home, you can adopt.

Cherrypies · 28/05/2019 18:30

Are you on twitter, there is a golden retreiver rescue on there, they rescue abroad, but have kennels and foster families over here. There are some puppies approx 4 months, plus older dogs. Worth a look

Original poster
SandunesAndRainclouds · 28/05/2019 19:04

Thank you all for the fabulous advice. I was a bit worried about posting, especially as I’m considering buying a puppy as well... anyway I’m grateful to you all for taking the time to post.

OP posts:
Mamabear12 · 28/05/2019 19:04

I suggest an australian labradoodle. They come in different sizes and we have a small one. She has been an absolute joy. I have two dc age 5 and 7 who absolutely adore her. My dh says she is the happiness maker because she makes everyone so happy. We got her at 8 weeks and she was a very easy puppy, no problems at all. She was easily trained and so smart. She seems to just understand and it took once or twice teaching the command and she learned it. Every single person I have met who has one absolutely loves their australian labradoodle. We got ours after meeting two different families (a year apart) who raved about their dog, which was the same breed. I did loads of research and so happy we went with ours. Since having ours, I have met 4 other owners to the same breed who are all in love and 2 additional people have chosen to buy the same breed after meeting ours and are very happy as well.

Do not get a beagle! I know two people who have gotten beagles and they have said they are VERY VERY VERY hard work. One said he would never get another beagle (his died of old age). The other one got the beagle the same time I got my pup and she was messaging me saying how hard it was and she never thought it would be so difficult. It was completely different from my puppy experience, which was very easy.

Fucksandflowers · 28/05/2019 19:10

I’m considering buying a puppy as well...

I’m normally all for puppies but as I mentioned earlier, I personally wouldn’t in your case because it’s a rare puppy that doesn’t bite, a lot!

And that can be really scary, my lovely collie is an amazingly tolerant adult dog with children but I can definately remember her biting faces as a baby, as a slightly older pup she used to love running towards you at speed, jumping up and biting you mid air as high as possible...

Wolfiefan · 28/05/2019 19:40

It’s ok to buy a pup. Just remember that by far the majority come from dodgy breeders. It takes time and detective skill to find a decent breeder. Please contact the breed club.

Original poster
SandunesAndRainclouds · 28/05/2019 19:46

I guess what I really want is the right dog for our family, so I’ll stay open minded and keep in touch with the rescues, and especially the fosterers. I’m in no hurry, it’s not a process I’ll rush. I’ve taken on board everything that’s been said.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 28/05/2019 20:09

Puppies are nuts. They are hard work, and they are peeing, pooing, bitey, chewy, bouncing off the walls little nightmares. My two 12 week old foster pups are currently snoozing and all cuddly and lovely, but 30 minutes ago they were doing laps of the garden via the picnic table and shouting happily about it. In a few months they will be beautiful, calm, well behaved dogs (hopefully), but I really wouldn't go for a puppy in your circumstances as it doesn't sound like it would be good for your dd. It's also important not to underestimate the toll that a puppy takes on you emotionally and physically, which is important if you already have a very full life