Think I've made a mistake

[2duck]

I posted on here last week about our new puppy. Thing have improved a lot - she will sleep by herself at night now but she hates being left alone during the day. I've tried the gradual approach and it doesn't seem to help. She is happy in her crate if someone is around but howls and wees if no one is.
I knew having a dog would be hard but I hadn't realised how all encompassing it would be. I feel like I'm not being a proper mum to my DCs because I have to deal with the dog. I actual feel pretty depressed, similar to PND I had with DC1, and don't think I'm cut out for having a dog and feel a bit like I've ruined my life. My DCs would be devastated if we got rid of her and my DH thinks we should stick it out but they're not the ones with her all day not able to leave her to even put the bloody washing away.
Everyone keeps telling me it'll get easier but I dont feel any bond to the dog at all. Has anyone kept a dog after feeling like this or anyone who did decide they weren't cut out for it. Please be kind as I feel quite on the edge 😥

[BoldMeDontAtMe]

A dog sling? Is this actually a thing?🤣

[Wolfiefan]

I followed the advice on FB group dog training advice and support. Never leaving her longer than she was happy with. She’s now over two and sometimes is annoyed when we come home as we disturb her sleep.
A sling? I would have needed a hoist for Wolfie pup.

[Easterbunnyhashoppedoff]

The answer op...

[2duck]

Thank you all I really do appreciate all the comments. What has really stuck out is changing my mindset to looking at the positives of exploring different places, being outside and exercise - they were the reasons we wanted a dog. Also I think the DCs need to step up, yes they're not old enough for full responsibility but they could play with her outside, feed her etc - they wanted a dog so they need to.understand the responsibility. For the time being I'll try not to leave her - I do feel lucky as many wonderful friends have said they'll sit with her so I can have some time off.
Ok feeling more positive now, one day at a time and this too shall pass!!!

[Junkmail]

I’m glad you’re feeling more positive OP—you can do this, it just takes a while to get into the swing and I think that sometimes it’s more overwhelming than new owners imagined. Think of her as a tiny baby because at 18 weeks she is! None of them are born knowing how to behave—all the well behaved dogs you see out and about have had hours of work put into them. My eldest dog had terrible separation anxiety as a puppy. She was so distressed even to be left for a few moments. I reorganised my life for her and it was very hard initially but I imagine it was much much harder for her. She was taken from the comfort of her mother to live with unpredictable strangers after all but as I developed a routine and she became more secure with me and learned that I wasn’t going to disappear forever she outgrew her anxiety and she’s honestly a wonderful adult dog. I don’t know what I would do without her. If you can get past this first hurdle of puppyhood it all becomes worthwhile to see them blossom into such lovely little friends. I think you’ll find a massive difference comes with getting her out and enjoying the world with her which will increase her confidence and your enjoyment of her.

[SirVixofVixHall]

18 weeks is still very little. I didn’t leave my puppy alone at home at that age. Most dogs hate being alone at home anyway, I think it was The Secret Life of Dogs that showed how stressed many dogs get when left, so expecting a puppy to not mind being left is a bit of a big ask.
It takes time to get into your stride with a puppy, and as pps have said , puppies are very full on ! They are hard work, but it gets easier, and then you reach a point where it is hard to remember how exhausting they were.

[Mrscaindingle]

I can so empathise with this, I felt just like this about our dog as a pup and used to sit at night trying to think of someone I knew who would take him.
It just gets better over time and it's still really early days for you.
DDog is now 6 he is so good and no bother these days, I had never had a dog before and didn't really know what I was doing.
Now I am totally in love with him despite his ongoing health issues which have cost a fortune and wouldn't be without him.
Hang on in there.

[PutOnYourDamnSocks]

Getting a puppy brought PND back for me too. I was in a very dark place, not helped by the fact that getting a dog had been driven by me.

Be kind to yourself, I promise it does get better. And fairly quickly.

Lots of crate training really helped. I found it hardest to get SockDog to be left for 1minute happily - once I got to a minute it was much quicker to get to reasonable lengths of time.

SockDog from being the clingiest of clingy things was able to be left for 2 hours from when she was about 6 months old.

Sometimes you feel like you are never going to there but you will.

[2duck]

Thank Socks - what did you do to get up to 1 minute?

[Nesssie]

This thread will show you the journey you are going to go on (its long, but the updates at the end are lovely)

Its always hard at first. Way harder than you ever thought. Then it gets a bit easier. Then it gets hard again. Then it gets easier. Then it gets easier. Suddenly you are enjoying it!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/2425039-Ive-had-a-golden-retriever-puppy-4-days-and-changed-my-mind

[missbattenburg]

One of the biggest turning points for me was that sometime around the year mark I realised that battendog had started to pick up all the things I didn't specifically teach him via formal training, but that make life with him easier.

e.g. to move out the way of a door when I say "'scuse me" or to come back in from the garden when I twitch my head and say "come on then" or to stop licking his balls in the night when I grump "leave your bollocks alone" from the bed because the constant slurp, slurp, slurp sound is driving me bonkers

[BiteyShark]

or to stop licking his balls in the night when I grump "leave your bollocks alone" from the bed because the constant slurp, slurp, slurp sound is driving me bonkers

That is so familiar. BiteyDog likes to preen himself like a cat IN THE MIDDLE of the night

[PutOnYourDamnSocks]

Popped her in the crate.

Waited for her to be calm, walked to the door. then straight back and gave her a treat.

Next stage out the door and straight back in and gave her a treat.

And gradually built it up, the key was to not let her cry at all. So if she cried then i’d go back a few stages and work back up.

There are lots of guides on how to crate train online.

It did take a few weeks to get to a minute, I did several training sessions a day (only a few minutes each though). We got there in the end.

[2duck]

Thanks Socks! I'm pleased to say that we have got to a minute no crying!!! In fact when I go in she has her head down, relaxed!! I'm only going into another room not out the door but its progress!!

[PutOnYourDamnSocks]

Wow! Well done! Provided you don’t push it too hard you’ll be there in no time.

[2duck]

We got to 2 minutes then 5 minutes and she was practically asleep! I had to stop to make the DCs dinner but didn't want to push her either. Will work on it over the weekend as well and fingers crossed 🤞

[Mrsoh39]

Well done Op, you'll get there

[GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman]

What I found happened was that I would realise that BiteyDog hadn't done a certain (bad) behaviour for a while.
I had this with our pup. It suddenly dawned on me that she'd stopped waking the household with a rousing rendition of 'Nobody loves, everybody hates me, think I'll just go and eat worms' at 5 a.m. every day, and that we got to sleep until nearer to 7.

Stick with it, OP. It gets better in slow and incremental stages. I also found that time piled into training not only results in a much better-behaved dog, but wears out the puppy in the mean time.

[wheelwarrior]

Yup I used to dream about leaving gate open and someone taking him please(never would of course )

Not helped as my friends puppy slept through night and toilet trained really fast

Was about 1 when fell deeply in love with my boy and now at 4 could not be without hI'm. In summer often out at 5am exploring local forests enjoying the peace
My kids love him to and enjoy exploring places with him .
He is a star loves his walks but is chilled at home recall is fantastic as well
What helped was couple of 1-1 sessions with a trainer
Top tip is make sure have good back up.I have fab home boarder (is 2 of them )who also dog walker and does day care

Oh and friends dog who I used to compare my boy to is a git.Complete switch around in personalities

[spiderlight]

Sounds as if you're getting there! Baby steps.

I remember DH and I sitting on the back doorstep together, both in tears, about three days after we got our first dog together. She wasn't even a 'proper' baby - she was 4 months old - but my God she was full on and we basically decided that night that she'd have to go back to the RSPCA. Needless to say she didn't and we had fourteen wonderful years with her.

[Mamabear12]

We had a very easy time with our puppy (she is now 1) when we got her at 8 weeks. I think mainly because we made sure she had enough play time, stimulation etc. So she slept well from 8pm. She still does now. 8pm and she is out like a light. We wake her at 10 to take her out for last pee and she goes back to bed. During the day she gets play time and running around in the park w friends, play time at home when kids are home, plus some quiet time etc. She is fine when we leave her as well. However, we always make sure first thing in the morning she gets a good walk/play. If we go out, prior to going out she gets a good walk/play. Once we come home, again it’s straight out for a good walk and play. She is happy in the crate, what worked well for us is to cover crate w a towel. Also, when we first got her I held all her siblings so their smell was on my shirt and I let her sleep w my shirt until I felt she was settled. She also took a familiar toy with her from the breeder. A happy dog is an easy dog. Or maybe we just got super lucky? But I guess our dog is lucky as well as she gets a good balance of attention, exercise, quiet time etc. I think if you find the right balance things will get easier. Also, early on you must take them out a lot. By 6 months it’s much easier as they don’t need to pee as often.

[Mamabear12]

Also, invest in some good chew toys. This helps calm puppies. Like pig ears or pig tails etc. They smell like hell. But these kind of dog chews they love. The dried sweet potato doesn’t smell (but it’s my dogs least favourite). She likes the smellier ones lol.

[Mamabear12]

Also, I met a few people in the park who said they are from borrow my dog. So they walk the dog for fun sometimes. I never used it. But met some nice people who love dogs and take other peoples dogs out for a play in the park.

[Delatron]

Does she not sleep for any length of time?

I realised I could pop upstairs and have a shower when my puppy was asleep with no issues.

Then I realised that he would actually sleep lots better if I went out for at least an hour. He would just nap and wake every 5 minutes when I was home.

I guess that wouldn’t work if they woke and became distressed that you weren’t there though.

[Cryalot2]

sorry you are having it tough.
I was not a dog lover ever, in fact I was terrified of them . Not sure what happened. But I bought a puppy . I pay all her expenses . But we all have a special relationship with her. She gives so much love , has saved some of family from suicide and saved our marriage.
She has a car seat which we put her in anytime we go out. ( had to put child locks on Windows and doors after driving along and other motorists let us know she had the window down and was waving like the queen )
She was toilet trained in a short time. We used pads at the door.
I did need 2 visits with a trainer and went to puppy training classes ..
You will get there. I promise