Really struggling with new puppy

[Buddytheelf85]

We have recently become the owners of a lovely Labrador puppy. He is 13 weeks old, so we’ve had him for 3 weeks. And I’m finding it so. hard.

It’s absolutely not his fault. He’s a beautiful, intelligent, affectionate little thing. Yes, he bites, chews, and has accidents indoors but it’s obvious he has a lovely nature. He’s actually doing comparatively pretty well with his house training even though he does have the odd accident. He’s learnt to sit and his recall is (currently) pretty good.

We did do our research beforehand. I know everyone says that but we did. (I had dogs growing up but I’ve realised now how much bloody work my parents must have done behind the scenes to make them into the gorgeous friendly well-trained dogs that they were!) None of this stuff has come as a surprise to me, I knew it all in theory - the night time whining and toilet trips, the chewing, the biting, the jumping. But the theory’s different to the practice. It’s a bit like how when you have a baby, you go to all the ante-natal classes, you read all the books, and yet when the baby arrives it still knocks you for 6 even though you thought you had it sussed.

I keep thinking about re-homing him. Or asking the breeder if she’ll take him back. I feel so tearful and ashamed at the thought. I don’t want to be that dick who buys a cute ‘Andrex puppy’ then gives up after 3 weeks because the reality doesn’t match the advert. But equally I really can’t cope with things the way they are.

Has anyone got any words of wisdom? Will it get better, and if so, roughly when?

Thank you in advance!

On the complete opposite side of TopBitchoftheWitches, we did get up in the night so they never had to go in the house (a puppy’s bladder is only so big). But, we kept setting the alarm for 15 minutes later every couple of days, as her capacity to hold it grew. By about 14 weeks the puppy was very reluctant to wake up when we went down to let her out, so we stopped!

Mine calmed down massively around 5 months of age - he was then perfect for a month or two, then hit teenage hell! He's fourteen months now and just about coming out the other side.

DH and I were just saying the other day that he's now happy to settle on his own, he'll go and get his own chews or toys if he's bored and he knows that to get our attention needs to be calm, not hyper and jump everywhere.

It does get better I promise!

Every week it will get a bit better but equally I won't lie and sometimes you think oooo they have finally stopped doing x but now they are doing y.

At 5 months of age I breathed a sigh of relief and thought we had come through the puppy stage. Unfortunately as he was a small dog he hit the teenage stroppy stage from age of 6 months old.

OP it will get better simply because they grow up relatively quickly but right now you are in the WTF have I done mode hence thinking about returning him. What helped me was remembering it was a marathon and not a sprint and you have many years of a loyal faithful adult dog ahead of you compared to the short time they are puppies arseholes

Our first dog is now 9 months and I know exactly how you feel.

The two things that helped me MASSIVELY were

1. Get a recommended dog trainer to come and do a session at your home 1-1. Luckily a few people highly recommended someone to us. It cost almost as much as a full course of puppy classes but it was SO helpful. She gave me many ideas on how to tackle some of the most disruptive things we were struggling with. Such as healthy snacks to occupy his time, ways to deal with unwanted behaviour, and what to work on. Some of it was pretty obvious to be honest but it needed pointing out to me. We recently had another 1-1 session to work on lead walking and recall. The trainer walked with us in the place we will usually walk. She was amazing and so helpful.

1. The trainer suggested a puppy play pen. I got one second hand. He was sleeping in his crate fine but it’s much easier to pop upstairs or answer the door, just basically gives you the confidence that you can leave the room or not have your eyes on them the whole time. The pen had his crate in, a water bowl and a couple of his toys. It was a life saver to be honest. I could have a shower etc without arranging with dh to watch the dog. Also it helps with naps. Our dog also would rather not sleep. But he now will settle to sleep quickly if I pop him in his pen. He doesn’t feel so cut off from us all but it’s also boring so he calms down.

Our pup is lovely. Still annoying at times, but less so. He's much more part of the family than he was when he was a puppy. I think they make them cute so you don’t throttle them!

I was you 5 years ago. Beautiful black lab puppy. We have a Golden Retriever too.
I was at the end of my tether with her.
It was like having a toddler again but 100 times worse!

I'd made arrangements for the breeder to take her back, but I changed my mind last minute.
So glad I did, dog is now amazing I love her beyond words.
It will get better I promise. Hang on in there.

My pup is coming up to six months and the last week or so I’ve realised I trust him not to wee/poo or do anything too horrific when I leave the room. Before that I had an area of the kitchen I could pop him in if I needed to shower etc that was easy clean.

He’s crate trained at night, sleeps through and goes into bed willingly at bedtime.

He’s clean when I leave him to go to work over a 3/4 hour stretch and seems happy with his kong and treat puzzles. I leave him in a contained area of the kitchen, not his crate.

So I think approaching 5/6 months is when they ‘get’ the routine and they feel more enjoyable. He licks more than bites now too! Go with it - it won’t last too much longer.

OP, it gets better.

Like others have suggested, it happens in steps. One minute you're thinking "this is never ending" and the next you're thinking "it's been ages since he did that annoying thing".

I thought of the puppy months as foundation work. Investing into a creature I hoped would be my friend one day. That day has come and I could not love battendog more if I tried. I also got up overnight with him and it didn't appear to slow down his learning to sleep through the night. That happened at about your dog's age but all dogs are different so don't dispair if you're not there yet.

For me, months 5-10 were lovely. He was old enough to do things with, like longer walks, and started taking himself off to different rooms in the house (i.e. not needing to be with me all the time) but not old enough to be a teenager so still came back when called etc.

Adolescence (months 10-15 ish) was hard but in a different way. More in a jumping up at people and counter surfing and refusing to come in from the garden kind of way. Keep a sense of humour for this bit. The things they do ARE funny. For us, this stage appeared to end overnight. One day he's a naughtly little bugger, the next he's sleeping calmly when nothing exciting is happening.

Also, as I read on a forum when battendog was little "all puppies are arseholes, you will have weeks of this". This is very true. All puppies are arseholes. You are not a bad person for being fed up of yours or finding it hard. Thank god they are cute.

I cried SO much the first month, like our lives had been turned upside down. Felt so tired, trapped, out of my depths, fed up of piss and shit all over the house. Felt so out of my depth and like I had no time for the kids, honestly it was awful! Now he’s 6 months, sleep is better although still have early mornings, biting has pretty much stopped, toilet trained, can leave the room and go upstairs or out for short periods without worrying (and him barking!) I would say 90% of the time now it’s perfect, but like your kids 10% of the time they absolutely do your head in!

I promise the first 6 weeks are the hardest and it gets better every week from then on in xx

first two weeks I was on autopilot, and didn't really like the puppy very much but completely tuned into his every need/ever watchful/high adrenalin mad new mother state that was exhausting.

However I think it is a bit like new babies..you actually need to go through that mad invested state to bond with them. I think for the first few weeks you are so busy you just disassociate and feel very little. And then suddenly you go out one evening, leave them with someone else (in this case 17 year old daughter) and you realise you have missed them unbearably..when you see that little sleepy form and turf it out to have a late night pee

For me what helped was spending more time with the puppy and not trying to get away from him, really tuning in, and then having done that...leave him a few times, be a bit more laid back, enjoy his company..so what if there are five loo rolls shredded on the floor and several dirty socks he has filched from the laundry...like toddlers it is a stage and they grow out of it.

Also this is such a lovely time of the year to go to parks with your puppy (mine is now 20 weeks), their lead walking comes on in leaps and bounds (my puppy used to lie down on the pavement quite recently rather than walk)

Our puppy slept through from 8-8 from 15 weeks (downstairs in his crate), with a loo break last thing (at about 11pm) sometimes he even sleeps till 9am. This is after three weeks of me sleeping next to him and people said I was mad, when he slept in his crate downstairs. No whining, no howling, and we have got a lovely nightime routine going.

I always interpret all whining in the day as a) needs to go to the loo b) if there is no success after 10 mins in the garden of command words, then he definitely is overtired and needs a nap c) biting and whining and barking indicates need for brief game of fetch other interesting training games if he has clearly just been asleep for a long time and in need of stimulation which is not biting me! And possibly a change of scene, trip in the car for a little walk in the park (now it would be a proper walk of 20 mins, then a brief visit was enough)

oh yes, and definitely book into puppy training or 1:1. So many good tips and it is not just about "tricks" but about basic bonding between dog and owner, troubleshooting on quite common problems. I learnt a lot, and came away more confident about my approach and in some cases changed it.

As everyone has said, it does get better. I found the first four weeks with our golden retreiver puppy utterly horrendous - even though I thought I'd thought of everything and was prepared. The first better bit was when they have had their jabs and you can finally leave the house! Then as someone else has said, you suddenly realise it's been x hours/days/weeks since they did y or z and you've turned a corner without realising. Hang in there, it DOES get better, but you have to go through the bad bits first!! (Do a search for the puppy survival threads - you are not alone!).

I am not a labrador owner, but a relative has one, and I would say the main issue is their size, knocking things over, jumping up and countersurfing, chewing things, jumping up on people and children, putting mud and hair and fox poo everywhere. My relative's dog isn't actually like this, she is a rather anxious rescue labrador but my relative has friend's whose untrained labradors are an albeit delightful, handful. I think it is quite important to work out what sort of dog you want to see when they are grownup rather than have a mad soppy layabout you have to keep apologising for. But, I don't think there is a dog sweeter and more intuitive than my relative's dog, so devoted to her family members, so full of fun, so delighted with every long walk. So that's what you are heading for, the puppy stage is an investment.

OP I was you a couple of years ago. Sleep deprived, on hyper alert for signs of imminent peeing, chewed and tearful.
It was truly bloody hard. I had wanted and waited for years for this dog. But at one point I was sitting on the floor in tears telling her that if I didn’t “bloody love” her so much then I would send her back.
That FB group is great. I got up at night for three weeks with mine then she luckily slept through. Daytime took rather longer!
It’s the fact you can’t walk them for hours, they are full of beans and teething and don’t have the concentration span for loads of training.
Brain games and things for them to chew are fab.
It’ll get easier. So much easier. And soon.
And then you could be like me and wanting another.

Thank you so much for your kind comments and advice. It’s really appreciated.

I’m definitely going to look into fencing an area off or a puppy playpen. I think that if I can go to the loo or have a shower without feeling anxious about him then that will massively improve things! In addition I go back to work next week. I work from home. I now feel naive for thinking that I could work from home and have a puppy because at present looking after him is a full time job! But I’ve got to go back to work so I’ve got to have a way of keeping him and the house safe while I’m working.

We do have Kongs and chew bones but because he’s so food obsessed (typical Lab!) they seem to overexcite him. Likewise with puppy classes - because he gets loads of treats he goes absolutely mental. I’m going to persist with the puppy classes but at the moment they don’t seem to be helping THAT much.

Last night he only woke up once at 3am is was better. So things are improving - gradually! He’s three months old so hopefully we’ll see more improvement over the next few weeks.

Thank you again for your comments!

@topbitchofthewitches - *Why are you getting up in the night ?

How is the pup meant to learn to hold it until early morning if you are getting up to let him/her out in the middle of the night?

I have never done this with a pup and they have all been toilet trained by about 12 weeks.*

I’ve been doing it because we’re crate training him and I thought it would be terribly cruel (not to mention unhygienic) to leave him to wet/soil his bed? Should I be ignoring his crying?

OP people do things differently.

Some people ignore the crying but others, including me, got up in the night to let them out for the toilet.

I didn't want my dog to think that toileting in his crate was ok so I did the same as you.

Yes, it is puppy blues. BastardPup is now nearly a year old and, while he has moments of twattishness, he is mostly a little sweetheart. We got him at the start of the summer holidays last year and I honestly could have cried most days.

Oh OP I feel your pain!

I have a 15 week old golden retriever and I am just starting to love him.

I honestly didn't even like him until 11 weeks when we had had him for 3. I wrote an email to the breeder asking them to take him back, it's still in my drafts folder.

Once they can go on walks it's better. I felt like I was in prison! He's taken longer to toilet train than our last dog but now on day 4 with no accidents.

I can now leave him in the living room when I need the loo, or to shower or hang washing out. It's bliss I tell you! But honestly I thought I'd never get there.

My (already delicate) mental health took a real bashing those first few weeks.

You will get through it but don't beat yourself up. Allow yourself to cry and hate him a little bit when he's whining, you're sleep deprived and it's all just too much.

I didn't get up to let him out during the night but the night's were short, so 5 hours to start with. We are now up to 7 hours before he starts barking.

I was in your position 4 years ago, wondered what I'd done, i needed my sleep, I let pup get me up in the night for about a week then I decided enough was enough, I sent the kids on sleepovers, popped my earplugs in and didn't go to her when she cried, only had to do it one night, she slept through after that. Wouldn't be without her now, prior to her we had a black lab, again from a puppy, if you persevere you will bond and end up with the most loyal family dog, I still miss mine now, they really are lovely dogs.

We got up in the night for a couple of weeks, then once we knew he woke up at a certain time (eg 3am) we starting setting an alarm for 3.15 to let him out for a wee and then if he hadn’t woken before the alarm keep adding 15 mins on until they sleep through (think the whole explanation is on the happy puppy site?)

We still occasionally have to let him out in the night if he barks and that is generally because he’s eaten something dodgy and has the shits so I would never be ignore him at night as I don’t particularly want to wake to that kind of mess!

But like babies everyone does things differently, def check the happy puppy site though, very helpful x

I agree with Bitey. People do things differently. A tiny puppy has a tiny bladder and may not be able to hold it. I figured my choices were an upset pup and a mess or taking her out at night whilst she needed it.
I won’t lie. It was exhausting. But not for long at all. And mine would have been sooooo upset to wet her bed.

It will get better. I was were you are now a year ago. SockDog is now a dream. Things got a lot better when she was about five months old.

How you feel is completely normal. Hang on in there.

I’m glad things are improving. With the training classes, don’t be afraid to try a couple to find ones that work for you. We went to ones through our vets first, and although they were ok they weren’t brilliant. We then tried a trainer recommended by a friend, but they were not so good for us. Then third time lucky we finally found the right trainer for us and our dogs. They are actually a lot stricter than the others, as they do competitive obedience, displays, and work their own dogs. Despite not having such lofty ambitions for our dogs, their approach really works (and more than half the dogs in each class are just normal pets like ours).
None of the others were bad, they just weren’t quite the right fit for us. So don’t feel obliged to stick with a training class that isn’t working.

Our lab is now 3 yrs old. It does get better but Labradors don’t really grow up, which is one of their most endearing characteristics. Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security regarding their destructive capabilities, they do learn what they can chew and what they can’t, but even a mature lab will forget themselves occasionally.
Ours was recently very ill (4days in dog intensive care!) she came home and took advantage of the tec for 24hrs then got fed up and returned to her normal bundle of energetic fun. I’ll take the lunatic shoe collecting towel carrier any day.
Training takes time and ours still takes off like an torpedo when she spots a dog in the field, but now she comes straight back, she also hesitates long enough for me to attempt to stop her. She no longer follows other dog walkers and yesterday she stood calmly next to me on our front lawn giving the neighbours cat the death stare rather than running straight off. I think she would have chased it if it had run but she is clever enough not to mess with a cat!
She is also a professional sofa sprawler something I could not have imagined when she was a pup.