End of life

[Steepcricket]

I feel so awful, I let my beautiful, gentle 15yr old collie suffer. She collapsed last Tuesday; I knew it was the end, her temperature was 105, she’d had an upset stomach but was on medication and special food to help her recover and appeared to be getting back to normal, was really perky the previous day.

But she went suddenly downhill, vomiting - even water, doubly incontinent, a lot of blood in final diarrhoea, very, very wobbly then couldn’t stand up.

Rushed her to vet, temp 105, I was sure that she would be put to sleep, but vet took bloods and rushed her away and put her on drip. Phoned me half an hour later to say no underlying condition, so treating for dehydration. 10pm call from another vet to say she could barely lift head and suggested putting her to sleep, I completely agreed and wanted ASAP so she wouldn’t suffer.

But i feel awful, I knew at 4pm when we went to vet that she should have been euthanised; all I said was I didn’t want her to suffer overnight and then be put down; vet said she didn’t want that either but worth putting her on drip and trying to save her. I should have had courage of my convictions and insisted, but I never speak up, I avoid confrontation and because of that, she suffered alone terribly for six hours. Just so awful after her lifetime of loyalty and affection. She was the most perfect dog in the world and that’s how I repaid her.

So if you find yourself in a similar situation - speak up.

I'm utterly devastated; I'm trying to remember all the happy times she gave us; but I feel so sick and can't stop crying. The memories of her last few hours, exactly a week ago, just haunt me.

Steepcricket I am so sorry for your loss. You were advised by professionals and were right to try one last thing. The drip would have temporarily made your dog feel more comfortable.

Do not dwell on things you cannot change but in time look back at the wonderful life your dog had with you. 15 years of unconditional love.

Take care and look after yourself.

Thank you so much for replying; I really really hope that she did feel slightly better. I just can't get past thinking about it.

I lost my boy on Monday and I’ve come to realise that guilt is a very normal part of the process.

I found this article really helpful: www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html

I’ve been completely useless all week, there’s nothing anyone can do or say to make it better, all you want it to see them again. I’m so sorry

Also as my friend said to me when I was beating myself up and feeling guilty, dogs don’t think of things like we do. She wasn’t blaming you for her pain, she was just dealing with that moment and knew she wasn’t right. They don’t think of the past or the future, just the now. You gave her 15 years of love and you went with what the vet suggested, you did everything right.

Oh hoovering thank you and I'm so sorry for your loss too...it's awful isn't it. Thank you for taking the time to post the link, if nothing else, it shows that our feelings are very normal. Have you read Rudyard Kipling's poem, Four Feet? If not, do google it...it perfectly sums up the feelings. Do take care of yourself x

Here's the poem:
Four-Feet
I have done mostly what most men do,
And pushed it out of my mind;
But I can't forget, if I wanted to,
Four-Feet trotting behind.

Day after day, the whole day through --
Wherever my road inclined --
Four-feet said, "I am coming with you!"
And trotted along behind.

Now I must go by some other round, --
Which I shall never find --
Somewhere that does not carry the sound
Of Four-Feet trotting behind.
by Rudyard Kipling

Oh I don't know why the strike throughs have happened

You did the right thing. You followed the vets advise and tried one last attempt to save her. You did your very best for her and I'm sure she knew that at the end.

Thanks cricketmum