Bonding with rescue dog

[distantdog]

I know it's very early days, but DH (and I) has had a rescue dog (1 year old girl) for coming up to two weeks. She was very nervous when she came but every day grew happier and bolder.

As I say it's very early days but the issue we have is that she is still very wary of DH but she attached to me very strongly within 48 hours. We both work from home so are around a lot and together but she is suppose to be DH's dog!

He gives her all her food and treats and takes her out 80-90% of the time. He isn't heavy-footed (though he is very tall) and is so, so gentle with her but he barely gets a flicker of the tail or much interest from her at all, whereas she will follow me everywhere, sit next to me, sit outside doors whimpering if I'm in a room with the door shut (e.g. the bathroom).

As far as we are aware she has only ever had a female owner since she her pregnant mum was found on the street, so we assume it has much to do with this.

Anyone got any advice on how we can encourage her to attach to DH more? I don't want to ignore her as she needs to feel secure here (and I love her too), but equally I don't want to encourage her to continue to only come to me for fuss and attention when it's really DH who wants that role, not me!

Our new greyhound is exactly the same. I’m seriously reconsidering his name and calling him shadow instead as he follows me everywhere! He is literally glued to my hip on a walk.
He’s not necessarily wary of my husband but nowhere near as comfortable.
He was abused before he went to the rescue and I assume it was a man so it will take time for him to trust my husband even though he is a very gentle man.

Thank you again - I'm so glad I started this thread! Unsurprisingly the photos are on DH's phone but I will to upload one when he's back. I think he's feeling better after I've told him about this thread - he was of course being stoic grown up about it but I could tell he was feeling quite sad!

I think we also possibly have to try to strike a balance between being cautious and careful as she is a rescue and also being a bit 'pfb'! I'm not sure where that balance is as my family always had rescues when I was growing up but we always got them when they were still tiny (i.e. born in rescue home) so didn't come with any "baggage" as it were.

We haven't taken her to the vet yet (we were intending to do so just to get her checked over next week) so haven't tried the car yet - I think we just feel very nervous about trying to get her to go back into it after her epic journey to get here!

We got out 8 year old rescue at Christmas. She has only really started to become affectionate to DH in the last month or so. She too had a female owner.

Although he feeds her and exercises her, she much prefers me. If he goes near her feeding bowl she will growl at him but not with me. She is very affectionate to any female visitors but ignores men. I think it is such early days for your dog that he just need to be patience.

It was 5 months before our dog really settled down to be confident with us.

A picture of her looking innocent...

She is an absolute beauty!!

Rocky - she does not growl at him when he's near her food bowl, but she's clearly conscious of DH when she's eating and will sometimes stop if he's nearby or take a mouthful and go and sit in her bed with it instead (dry food thankfully!) She's very slowly getting more comfortable with him though so fingers crossed this will only take a few months!

She does look quite sweet doesn't she? That was after I'd found one of my socks had disappeared from the clothes horse and she was pretending to have no knowledge....

She is gorgeous! That face!

She's gorgeous. Sock stealing? She definitely loves you

Can I make a prediction? I suspect once she settled in she'll be a right little madam, she just has that look which is a balance of mischief and overwelming cuteness lol.

She sounds like she's getting there if she's following him around and then backs off when he turns etc. She's building up her confidence..

Two of our rescues were scared of men and wary of my husband initially - they now both adore him and spurn me for him nowadays!

Just give it as much time as is needed. Some of our rescues have settled really quickly, others have taken a few months..

Yes, I'm hoping the fact he is doing ALL the feeding and treat-giving is going to help! I think she's probably sensibly playing the long-game with him. He was full of good intentions (no sofa, no human food, not going overboard with treat s etc. as both our parents' dogs are super-spoilt and untrained!!)... now I reckon that she has him wrapped round her paw and any bit of affection she shows him will see her on that sofa in a flash. He has already been giving her chicken from our dinner thanks to elQuinto's advice (plus she helped herself to some extra cooked chicken skin I had wrapped in foil and naively left in foil on the kitchen counter for a later date)!

And Hazard - i think he was secretly touched when he found his trainer in her bed as up until then it had always been my shoes or socks that had gone walkabout! What a pushover he's going to be!!

We're both going to have to go out for 4 hours soon... really hope she's going to be ok. We've both got meetings that we really can't miss unfortunately and she's still nervous around strangers so think getting someone to come and sit with her would be worse than leaving her alone.

You are at the very beginning of your journey with new dog. Time and patience. At least a year of it.

She is absolutely beautiful.

It took one of my rescue dogs around 6 months to settle and come out of his shell and the other was around 12 months, but he had been moved around a fair bit.

Second rescue dog was wary of all men until he'd settled and found his confidence with us. 5 years down the line and he's as cuddly and happy to spend time with DH as he is with me.

The trick is to let the dog have its space and try not to be too 'pushy' in regard to trying to get the dog to accept someone or accept affection. They'll come around in their own time if you let them do it on their own.

We found the more DH tried to interact with dog 2, the more the dog would retreat and hide away, so it took a lot of casual ignorance and gentle, casual touches when he came in for attention with minimal eye contact and speaking. Softly, softly and all that.

Thank you Joy and also thank you Gunty for telling me your experience. We did end up having to leave her for the full 4 hours (we were at a meeting together and were both on tenterhooks to get the hell out of there) and she seemed fine when we got back (i.e. bouncing with joy to see me and a little wary of DH but managed to approach him when he was stood next to me with a wagging tail and nothing shredded and no accidents).

Then the next day he got her to go for a walk just with him (she was reluctant at first and then had a lovely time - lots of tail wagging and sniffing and exploring and was in a good mood when she got back) so it was a celebratory on the sofa cuddling her and a sigh of relief all round... and then the next day and today we've had some kind of massive regression whereby she won't leave the house without me - up until then she had always gone out just with DH no problem and he took her out to the field (which is our "garden") 90% of the time.

I eventually took her out to the field this afternoon just the two of us and she was ok to leave the house just with me but wasn't her usual self. And then we took her for a walk together after that and she seemed happiest with both me and DH there. No idea what to make of that given that she won't leave the house with him on his own or show him any affection!!

We have had our street rescue dog here now for 2.2years.
It took 6 months of leaving her and giving have time to learn how to live in a house. Remember your lovely girl has had a long journey with lots of unknown.

Have you created a safe space for her to get away from all the unknown? I had a dog cage, never shut the door, faced the entrance near the wall in a corner of the living room and put blankets over the top, no one went near her when she went there, she spent a LOT of time in there in the beginning. I nearly lost hope because she wouldn’t come out apart from going in the garden when I’d feed her and then spend ages trying to coax her back in with cheese.

She dug a hole in the garden at the fence, I thought she was trying to escape but the rescue centre said street dogs would dig for some where to lay without being seen, she spent hours outside but would always come in when it got dark or if I bribed her with cheese during the day.

After 4/6 weeks she stopped living in the garden and crate and moved to behind our sofa, then next to it and then occasionally on it....

Give her time and space to adjust, she has had a rough start. She has an amazing coat though! What are you feeding her?

I don't feed her anything... but DH ordered some posh food for her (think it might be Belcando dry food) and he also gives her the odd bit of ham, chicken and salmon from our lunch or dinner, and we eat quite a lot of wild rice so she gets the left overs in a kong mixed with Flamingo chew and snacks (essentially like gummy bears for dogs!!)... oh and the nightly dentastix, and the odd schmako, and a fair few biscroks... and after a long hillwalk he's just given her a truly gross pig's ear, which stinks, but she demolished it and has now passed out on the sofa!

Apparently it's Eukanuba food HRH is being served by DH twice a day.

We don't have the problem of needing to give her space to get away from us - we have the opposite problem of her not wanting to be anywhere but in the same room as me. It makes me feel guilty to move around because she settles in one spot and I realise I've left something in the other room so go to get it and she settles there, then has to follow me back to the first spot, then sit outside the bathroom door if I go to the loo etc... I would love her to just settle in a spot where she could get a bit of downtime on her own!