Contemplating 1st dog - tell me why it’s a good idea!

[Blogwoman]

Having a shitty year, so we’re not at our most robust. Changes in working patterns mean DH, me & adult DD between us are now able to ensure someone would be at home most of the time & it’s now possible to get a dog. I feel anxious about the impact on our elderly cat, & of course looking for a dog (rescue/rehoming) that can potentially live with one. Hoping we aren’t mad and that the benefits are likely to outweigh the down sides. Rescue puppies are a possibility, or maybe an older dog, though not many say they can live with cats. Any thoughts?

Dogs are a lot of hard work but thoroughly worth it. They are, if you take owning a dog seriously, very much like having a child. They need attention, they sulk, they get sick, they worry and they love. Training is important no matter how old the dog and training should always be on going. Make sure you research the breeds and the rescue shelter thoroughly to ensure the right match for you.

It's not so much the dog getting on with the cat but whether your cat is willing to get on with the dog. I think shelters will allow a trial run to see how it goes. It may be you will need to wait a while.

Sometimes after a bad time, getting a dog is a wonderful thing. But they are hard work, and if you have anxiety they can really take a toll on your mental health as you adjust.

We have cats, 2 lurchers, and a succession of foster puppies who learn to live with the cats and chickens. It takes work to settle any particular cat and dog combo and its important to make safe routes for your cat, and places you can securely leave the dog.
I foster for EGLR and we always have cat friendly dog - and as the dogs are fostered in peoples homes its not just a quick cat test thing.

I would not contemplate getting a dog if I was not feeling very robust.

First dogs are hard work, they are demanding and need constant attention. The are often overwhelming.

I am sorry you have had a bad time and without sounding glib can you look after yourself, pamper yourselves, have some time to recover and then when you are feeling calmer and stronger rethink the dog.

I really hope that things are on the up for you

Whilst I agree re the time and energy if you are not at your best, I got mine when I was at my worst, and lowest.

Puppy for DH for farm, she decided she preferred me. I was broken after miscarriages and failed IVF. She got me stronger. She gave me a reason to go out, a reason to smile, someone to love. That little dog wormed her way into my heart and became my best friend. She is the most cheeky, mischievous bundle of trouble and oh my has taken some work. Those early mornings and failed recalls nearly ended me at times. Then it just comes together. I can't even go to the bathroom in peace. I never imagined someone so small could bring so much love into this house.

Maybe go and visit some rescue places if that's would you would like and see how you get on. My friend is sure they often pick you. Good luck.

How old is the old cat?! We waited. D cat was 19 when we lost her. We knew her arthritic and possibly senile little self wouldn't cope with a dog. That would've been unfair.
A new dog will take time to settle. Who will walk and train and feed and pick up the poo? Can you cope with not leaving the house for more than a few hours?
What if you get an anxious dog that doesn't want to be left or other behavioural issues?
We have a dog. Our first. I adore her but my whole life now revolves around her and her needs.
And puppies? That's hard. Sleepless nights and being chewed and toilet training. Puddles. And can't leave them. At ALL!!!

If you're struggling and not in a great place I probably wouldn't advise getting a puppy. They're a lot of work - a lot of waking up during the night or at the crack of dawn so they can use the toilet, you need to take them out constantly during the day to pee and they can't walk far so you're restricted as to where you can go and what you can do with them.

They're loveable and affectionate and we adore ours but if I was struggling with my mental health or anything like that I think I'd have had some kind of anxiety attack by now! They need constant supervision, get into everything they shouldn't and of course you worry about them constantly - it's like having a toddler.

I would also be concerned about getting a dog due to adult DD being around a lot - is she not going to leave home soon? Where would that leave you in terms of caring for the dog? They really shouldn't be left alone for longer than 4 hours a day (total, not just four hours, back for an hour and alone for another four).

I have just got my first dog and she has changed my life. Just having her close, taking her for walks, playing with her and caring for her are helping me lift out of depression. There is always someone to talk to. Although she is not an affectionate dog, I am not unhappy about that she is a terrier and I like the working dog aspect of her. She is 8years old and came from a rescue.

To give some balance here is a list of things that may be negative to some people.

She needed a lot of training when she first came. She was very highly strung and reacted to everything. We had a brilliant behaviourist and after two sessions and our following the training she changed dramatically . It took 6months for her to be fully confident.
The expense of things we had not thought about took us by surprise.
You cannot be spontaneous. She is easy going but we still have to be back to feed her
No more holidays.
The house is never tidy, she leaves her toys everywhere.
We have no carpets, but our floors now are never clean even for a few minutes. She loves it when I mop the floor and will lay just where I have just mopped.

I love her to bits though.

Getting a dog after a bad time can be a wonderful thing if you are aware of the level of work that goes into owning one.
There's no dog that comes fully trained, there's no dog that finishes training.
I would caution you to remember that while a dog is like having a child and requires the same level of care, one of the biggest problems is when people forget to allow the dog to be a dog. If you're feeling vulnerable you are more likely to want to 'mother' the dog and it can be unhealthy.

All that being said your OP was more about finding a dog. If you're determined to go for a rescue, you should look at the personality of each dog. Breed doesn't matter too much, although personally for introducing to a cat I would avoid hounds and terriers. They can successfully live with cats but it could be a challenge.
I would look for toy breeds, working breeds such as Spaniels or Labs. Working breeds are easy to train as they want to train. Toy breeds can also be slightly easier to train because they were bred to be companions. I would also vote for a toy breed because then at least if there are some teething problems with the cat they should both be of equal size roughly and therefore the damage is not as extensive as when a large dog gives a nip.
Personality wise you would be best to look for a very calm dog. If you meet one and take it for a walk, run with it, if it chases you and becomes excited then chances are it will chase the cat. You're looking for a dog that is 'bomb proof' or as close as possible. Breed wise I would think about maybe Cocker Spaniel, Cavalier King Charles, Toy Poodle, Shih Tzu. If you wanted to go bigger Labrador, English Setter, Irish Setter. It is worth mentioning that Staffies can have the calmest temperament and can live very nicely with cats. It's just finding the right personality in any breed. Speak to your local rescues and really give them a good picture of what you are looking for. They should give you good guidance to which dogs may fit your life.
Word of warning though on the subject of a puppy, puppies play, puppies mouth, puppies chase and are generally annoying to other animals. Be prepared that it may upset your cat.

Thank you all - it's so helpful to hear about your different experiences and your wise words. Wolfie our cat is 14; likes to be around us a lot. You are echoing the concerns I have about the demands of a dog potentially adding to the current stresses; but that they also bring some great pluses which can help change a difficult situation. It's a rather sad household at the moment and a dog could really help lift us all.
Adaline adult DD is needing a lot of support just now and may well be here for a couple more years, but we are very clear that any dog is a family dog, not hers, and ultimately the responsibility is mine and DH's. It would mean we must have a dog-friendly lifestyle for the lifetime of the dog. It's something we were contemplating anyway - just quite a big leap!

I have had a puppy (and note you are thinking about an older dog) for 10 weeks. I knew I'd have to be in more, plan more, be more flexible, and I'm not terribly houseproud. In reality, I am much more restricted than I thought I'd be, the mess is far worse than I imagined (and goodness knows what it'll be like when it's mud over the floors not grass) and it's hard work. There have been times I have truly thought about giving her back. And my dog, according to those with much more experience than me, is keen to please and very nice natured: I'm not battling with a difficult dog, or one with issues like separation anxiety. It's perhaps also relevant that I have a DP but I live on my own, so she is entirely my responsibility.

I think it'll all be worth it in the end (I am spending time training as well as walking/socialising/getting her used to different experiences with the aim of a dog who can be taken anywhere) and she's delightful, she makes me smile, I feel very proud when the training pays off, and no one else has ever been as pleased to see me as she is. There definitely are good bits, and the good bits are really good.

I've had comfort on here as it seems my feelings are pretty normal, but if I'm honest, it has been a lot harder than I imagined. Right now, I'd do it again (today has been a good day) but I think you are right to think really carefully about the commitment and the responsibility it entails, and the strain on you