Dog to help daughter with behavioural difficulties?

[Blonde4281]

We are an animal orientated household and have two dogs. One who is a two year old terrier cross from a rescue, and another who is a Labrador and now 15. She too was a rescue at the age of 8 months.
My daughter (8 years) has been asking for a dog of ‘her own’. Personally I feel a dog should belong to the family and have disregarded this request. However, I have recently been considering whether a new addition (dog) may help with my daughters behavioural issues. She suffers from severe anxiety. Many weekends she will not leave her bedroom, and we have difficulty getting her to school. She struggles to focus, and often her emotions overwhelm her and apparently simple tasks become huge mountains (such as dressing / brushing teeth). She escapes by using games on her kindle fire, and has lost interest in anything that she used to enjoy.
I’m interested to learn more about a puppy / dog joining a household to bond particularly with a child. To teach her to be more selfless, to give her a reason to get out, to monitor her temper, and to join a dog training class (she won’t join anything or go to any groups).
Has anyone any experience? Advice on where to go for more information? Although we see CAMHS regularly I don’t think she would qualify for an emotional support dog.
Thanks!

Can I just ask why she can not do this with the existing dogs you have?

Can she not take your two year old terrier to classes? She could look into agility with the terrier,scent work classes,hoopers or obedience etc.

It cold be a big gamble if you add a puppy to the mix and your daughters anxiety is not helped. Many people find puppies stressful and the commitment can be overwhelming for some- I would think carefully about this.

Ditto what vallhala said. Puppies are hard work and, ime, bring more stress to a home (not less).

Perhaps if she is so keen to help select and be the primary carer for a new dog in the home she can prove this by stepping up with the terrier for a few months? Many terriers can be real active, adventure dogs that are more than willing to get involved in new activities and small enough to be able to travel to more places - e.g. easier to take on a bus than something bigger

You might find that as she works with the terrier that the dog helps fulfil the role you want because they become closer. A new dog is not needed, then. At 15 your lab can't have much longer in her (sorry, that's a bit depressing!) so maybe your dd takes care of the terrier until after the lab has gone then can be part of helping select a new dog if that's what you want to do?

Otherwise, I cannot imagine a new dog will help her control her temper if the two you have don't do that already?

Ditto what the others have said.

The other thing to note is that dogs tend to bond primarily with whoever is their primary carer. If your DD struggles to fulfil the role of feeding every time, playing and doing all the walking with you, the dog won't form a primary attachment to her.

I'd get her involved with dog care for the terrier and tell her that if she keeps it up for, say, three months, then the dog will become her dog - or that when another dog joins the family she will be able to help select it and it will become her dog. Get her involved with basic trick training - kids love doing stuff like teaching a roll over command. You could also think about doing something like agility - you can get one-to-one agility training sessions if group training would be too much for her.

When your 15yo departs (sorry), are you planning on getting a second dog anyway? If you were planning to get another dog anyway, and you're very comfortable with the idea that if it doesn't work out with it being DD's dog it will be a family dog, then I can't see the harm in it, but I would still start out by getting her more involved with the terrier's care.

Yes, it seems crazy we should have a young dog but not one my daughter is involved with. Our little dog though came from a kill pound in Spain and was very anxious and timid when she came to live with us. She required slow integration into the family and therefore quickly developed a strong bond with me. This now means that despite my daughters efforts now to be involved, our dog always looks to me primarily and follows me like a shadow.

There is a very strong possibility that a new dog will do the same thing.

Maybe working with the terrier and your daughter will help both feel less anxious.

Why should a poor puppy have to put up with her reluctance to take care of herself never mind him/her??
And to ‘monitor her temper’? I wouldn’t have my dog anyone near someone with a temper. Terribly unfair on the dog.

You already have 2 dogs, if she was genuinely interested in bonding with a dog she could walk one of them daily, feed them, play with them, etc and I’m sure she’d quickly become the new favourite.

I think you are asking way too much of a dog or puppy. I think the fact that your DD won't do those things with your current dogs will simply mean that she won't with a new dog. It's very easy to say I will with 'my own dog' but that is just words and her actions say otherwise. You also can't force a bond with a dog and trying to do so would be very unfair.

My daughter is autistic and had real issues with anxiety. She got her own puppy a couple of years ago. We had an older (9) dog at the time. The deal was that she had to care for the older dog for a year (obviously closely monitored!) - feed twice a day, clean water, pick up poo, scrub vomit off the carpet, and come on any dog walk that she was asked to (twice a day at the weekend and probably a walk on 2 school days). Our theory was that this would put her off, but she really stepped up.
We went to Discover Dogs to choose a breed, after doing a LOT of research. She had to wait another 6 months for an available puppy, then she was responsible for going to puppy classes, had to do training every day, plus lots of the care. I would guess that DD does about half of the day to day care for 'her' dog, which I think is a reasonable amount for a pre-teen. She also had to choose 1 dog based activity that she had to commit to going to. She started handling (showing), and it has absolutely changed her life. She is a valued member of a community, is respected for her skills and her relationship with her dog, and has done things that we never would have thought possible, including showing at Crufts with a big audience, loudspeakers etc etc.
Done carefully, with lots of research, and above all knowing your child well and being prepared to take on the care of a puppy if it doesn't work, it can be an amazing experience for child and dog.

...our dog always looks to me primarily and follows me like a shadow.

^
This is the reality with all dogs you bring into the household.

First, I think at 8 + her anxiety your DD is a bit young for her very "own" puppy / dog.
But I second the terrier as her dog.
To achieve this, you need to give them some bonding time. Start off by letting her feed the dog.
If you have a garden, show her how to make the dog come, sit, down, give paw,... - always with a tasty treat ! Keep sessions very short, restrict this by the amount of treats you give DD for the dog. In time, the sessions will get longer...
Suggest, that she can practice this with the dog in the garden with you in the house. Explain, that ANY dog would take some time to learn the basics ... and it will take time and patience from her. She will get frustrated, but you have to say positive and not give in. Keep reminding her: Lots of time!!
(Lots of short sessions are better than one long one.)

Once this works well for them get someone to take them to training class (not you as your presence will put the dog off).

There are lots of books on (trick) dog training ...
I love this one: 101 Dog Tricks by Kyra Sundance. (She also has a kids edition!) Everything is explained in easy steps with pictures! Giving word commands and hand signals.
(Love the hand signals, you can actually train your dog in silence! )