Sad but I really regret getting puppy!

[Abbey0134]

So I thought about this loads before getting a lovely little labradoodle puppy, who has been with us for 8 weeks now. Generally, she is very good, sits, lays down, stay, paw etc. Mostly, she toilets outdoors. Still trying to get her to go in one place but have to undo the bad habits that my husband let her develop. Because he didn't believe dogs could be trained to do that! So have to train him first and then the dog....
I just don't feel anything for her, I thought that I would grow to love/like her, but the way I feel at the moment I would be happy if she wasn't here ... She is my husband's dog, but I am at home all day so do the majority of the care. He loves her to bits. But tbh, when I'm at home with her all day, I just feel depressed. I hope that as she gets older and easier I will feel differently, but at the moment I wish I could turn the clock back and not do it.

Give me your words of wisdom.

While I think it's a bit "strange" (sorry, sounds offensive) that you feel nothing for her, I understand how you feel.

When I got my first rescue dog I spent the first few months thinking what the hell have I done!

Now he's part of the furniture (literally...) and I couldn't be without him

you have definitely the puppy blues!
Keep going, by the sounds of it you are doing really well! I'm sure you'll grow to love her ...

I am 18 months in now and the first year was a blur. And full of more regret than moments of love!

Now it is much better as she is more chilled during the day after a long morning walk. It still full on a lot of the time but I wouldn't be without her now.

The puppy blues are definitely a thing.

Puppy are HARD WORK. And you don't have that automatic maternal bond most people do with a baby that makes you love them so it's all the work without the hormones telling you it's all worth it.

It does get better, I absolutely promise you.

I almost gave our now 4 year old lab back to the breeder as she'd bought me to breaking point.

I love the bones of her now.
I does get better, it really does.

Puppies are so difficult aren’t they! I have a pup too and have spent the past 8 weeks on an emotional rollercoaster.it’s been so tough but I keep telling myself that by this time next year he’ll be a perfect canine citizen and a lovely member of our family. Just hang in there! (Hugs).

Thank you.

I keep thinking it will be worth it. But it's very hard.
She's a really cute dog and she makes me laugh (sometimes). I just see the next 15 years stretched out in front of me and wonder what the hell we have done.

I actually think if I wanted to give her back to the breeder my husband would hate me!
Oh well, I'll have to soldier on and hope for the best!

It does get better. Mine are 7 months and as the cute wears off quickly I've got fonder and fonder of them as they develop their own personalities.
It's really worth it if you stick with it and once they wrap into your life it gets easier

i had a phase like this with my 4 year old cat when she was a kitten. i felt like i was always annoyed by her and she was a huge troublemaker!

it went away though, after she properly settled in (maybe around 8 months old?) and i would do anything for her now, love her hugely

Take her for walks. There’s nothing like watching a dog leaping around and loving it. You’ll feel better for the fresh air and exercise and other dog owners are always friendly

You sound a bit like a new mum. Overwhelmed by the lifelong responsibility of a new baby. Don’t worry you get used to it.

It gets better!

I remember looking at mine at about that age and thinking "well, I feel responsible for you, but I don't know if I like you and certainly don't feel like we have any kind of friendship". If you knew how prepared I was for the dog, how much he was longed for and how long I'd waited...and I still felt like that.

He's now 11 months old and I think the sun shines brightly out of his arse. He is the best thing in my day, every day (and my days are pretty good anyway).

At the age your puppy is now, there is very little personality to bond to and just a shit load of responsibility (pun intended). As you puppy matures the responsibility gets less hands on and becomes more fun. It's far more fun to hang out with a dog who knows your habits and what's expected fo him than having to watch him like a hawk every second of the day in case he tries to hurt himself. The dog's character starts to come through more strongly and he starts to feel like a proper personality.

Google puppy blues. It's a real thing. You are not alone, or even than unusual

It's the puppy blues. I have always wanted my own dog having grown up with them. Did lots of research and was fully prepared or so I thought.

I can honestly say the first 5-6 months whilst I felt a responsibility for him I didn't love or like him. If someone could have magicked him away I would have been relieved.

We had a few days away when he was around 7 months old when I realised I missed him so much. Whilst he was a pain in the arse as a teenager as soon as he started to show his adult personality the love came and I can honestly say he is the best thing that came into my life and I can't imagine life without him. We have had moments where he has been very ill and we thought we might lose him and it felt the worse thing in the world. I look back on the puppy months and they seem a world away from what it's like now.

Hang in there. It does get better. Right now they are this bitey, peeing, pooing demanding ball of fluff who will quickly grow up to be the best, most loyal friend you can have.

What’s jumping out at me is that it’s allegedly your DHs dog but you’re the one who’s had her life changed by being responsible for the caring and training of the puppy.

Can you make sure you get a break from the puppy at the weekends. DHs dog therefore his responsibility. Take yourself off for an afternoons shopping or meet some friends.

rookiemere - to be fair, I do and my husband always gets up for her in the morning and at the moment can take her to work with him for the day if I'm really stuck. Althought he won't be able to do that for much longer (new job).

I really appreciate your replies, makes me feel much better about it all.
Thank you.
I think it's just such a huge responsibility. I've never had a dog before and it's just major.

It is major. You've taken on the care of a new baby creature that you clearly feel a huge responsibility for and now you're suffering from puppy blues.

It will pass, honestly.

You sound as if you're doing really well with training. Are you going to training classes? Do you take her out and about during the day just to go to different places. Obviously at this age she can't walk much but you can still take her places to get her socialised and let her see the world; going to work with your DH will be really good for her socialisation so get him to do that as much as possible, and it'll give you a break.

When you start seeing her personality come through and she starts to respond to you in a way that shows she's getting to know you you'll begin to see that companion that you were hoping for.

Dogs are a massive commitment and having a dog isn't always easy but my goodness they give so much back.

Hang on in there and it will get better.

I felt like that about mine. I have had puppies before, and I didn't ever remember it being so difficult with the others. She was just into everything, and when she wasn't looking for mischief she was biting me. It was hellish.
But now... she is wonderful. A perfect companion and I feel we are totally attuned to each other. We do everything together, and she makes me laugh rather than cry!
It certainly gets better.

Puppies are a nightmare! We really regretted getting ours from about day #2. He set hubby's anxiety off, he peed on the house and terrified DD and it was awful. He was so bitey and jumpy and whiny and I couldn't leave him alone for 2 seconds and every moment I took my eye on him he'd crap on something. It was like being in prison. I thought we'd spend the next 15 years caring for him out of duty. I did promise the family that by Halloween (we got him at 8 weeks old on 5th Feb) he'd be better and we were counting down the days. I don't why I picked Halloween but about 10 months old seemed reasonable to expect a dog to learn to behave itself a bit. I was also far from sure he'd ever learn. I took him to puppy classes and he was AWFUL. All he wanted to do was jump all over the other puppies, he shit on the floor in the middle of the class, he wouldn't walk - I was dragging him round. 3 classes and I could get him to do absolutely NOTHING I asked him to - not even walk. He would sit at home but would he sit in class? Not on your life!

Then at about 18 weeks he "got" toilet training. It was overnight. He stopped messing and started asking to be let out and we've had only 1 accident since (and that was 4:30am and I was just too slow to let him out).

Some advice from the dog trainer about making him wait to go through doors stopped him barreling through the house hurling himseld onto the sofa and on top of a terrified DD.

He got less bitey from about 5 months and now at 6 months is almost cured!

He started to get the hand of training class and sleeping better and generally being more like a dog and less like a todler with teeth and claws.

He is just over 6 months old now. He travels well in the car (quietly in the footwell in the back), he can be left for up to 3 hours (although it doesn't happen often) at home and can also be left in the car (temperature dependant). He will sit and he will stay. He loves a walk and walks off lead just fine, boinging about and being silly. His recall is rock solid until another dog appears but he is improving even with that temptation. Him and DD tolerate each other. She will never be a dog person but they can sit on the sofa together ok now. He is the dog I promised everyone he'd be by Halloween - just a few months early and I love him! He is MY dog though and DH likes him but doesn't feel the same bond even though he was bought for DH not me. I am the one who feeds him and walks him and he has decided he belongs to me!

Allnames I think that's unfair as Cath2907 was just being honest and no where did they say anything other than being responsible for it despite how hard they found it.

No matter how much you prepare the reality can be very different. If you look online there are so many guides which suggest toilet training will take less than 2 weeks so when you get a puppy and it takes months it can be overwhelming. I was fully prepared and had researched for over a year but it's still a bloody shock to the system.

Goodness Allnames. Did Cath2907 say she got the puppy, found it hard and sent it back to the breeder, or even considered it? No, so why the attack?

She found it hard, like a hell of a lot of puppy owners, especially first time puppy owners, and he does sound like a particularly difficult puppy, but clearly she's put in the work, even getting a trainer, and the dog is now becoming a well behaved companion. What more would you expect her to do?

She came on here with her experiences to help the OP, to let her know that it can be hell, but you can get through it and end up with a lovely animal.

Posts like yours make people like her reluctant to post and makes those struggling reluctant to ask questions in case they get attacked for not being prepared enough and not knowing as much as you do about what's involved when you get a puppy.

Well we've not got our puppy yet and I'm finding this thread immensely helpful.

I read the book which suggested we could crack toilet training in a week - so it's useful to know that this might not be the case , it's also very useful to know that it may well be hard at first, but it will get easier.

I found DS as a baby really difficult - even though I'd read about sleepless nights and mastitis and all those other early babyhood challenges - doesn't mean I knew what they'd feel like until I went through it. Doesn't mean I wasn't fit to be a mother though.

I used to work in animal welfare as a VN. I have fostered numerous puppies before they went to their permanent homes and I still do. They are hard work although some are easier than others. It is nice to hear of stories like Cath2907 where the owner doesn't gives up at the first hurdle.

I suggest, get a little play pen for the outside area. I bought one size 4 by 4 from amazon for I think 20 gbp. I have my puppy (Australian mini labradoodle) go toilet in this area. She is actually doing very well and seems to understand my command for wee. For number twos, we are still working on and I think will be the case that when she can finally walk in the park, she does her number twos in the park!

I would explain to your husband, as you are the main caregiver, that he must follow along with how you decide to train her. If you have not already, get a trainer. Hopefully, your puppy blues will end soon.

There’s so much information on the web too about having babies. Still doesn’t prepare you fully for the shock and relentless tiredness that hits, for some, months or even years.

I find this doghouse at times so unbelievably superior towards those that are entering dog ownership for the first time.

OP; hang in there. I’m 7 months in, and still have dark days. Had a night off not long ago, got 6 hours sleep for the first time in ages and woke thinking I could have more of this if I didn’t have the pup. I used to think this too about my daughter who was the baby from hell.

It’s normal. Just most of us wouldn’t admit it. Or are cruel as allnames puts it as we’re not supposed to feel emotions through the roller coaster of puppy ownership.

It does pass, and you are doing a great job.

And so is Cath

I read the book which suggested we could crack toilet training in a week you've read the book but has the puppy?!

Puppyhood is tough, even the best behaved puppy can drive their owner to drink sometimes, there were times when both of my puppies have had me shaking my head in despair and thinking 'WTF have I let myself in for?' but the good times soon grew to outweigh the bad and now I look back on most of their puppyhoods with fondness. Hopefully you'll stick it out and be rewarded with a fantastic companion.