Wrong to deny children a dog

[MillyTheKid]

I was lucky enough to have dogs during my childhood and now my 11-year-old son is asking for one. He's had other pets such as rabbits etc but is now set on a dog. The trouble is I go to work, so wouldn't be around during the day, and my partner, who works from home, isn't totally bowled over by the idea. He doesn't dislike animals but says if my son wants a dog then he should be the one to take care of it the most, to learn about the responsibility of having an animal. I'm a bit half and half on the matter. I like dogs but wouldn't be looking to get another one at the moment if someone else hadn't mentioned it. However, I remember how much fun it was having a dog growing up and wonder if it's wrong to deny my own son that experience.

I would say don't get one unless you as the adult are 100% committed, the novelty will wear off for your son and ultimately you are responsible for the dog.

Sorry I must have missed the bit about your partner- if he wouldn't be willing to walk the dog during the day you would have to consider a dog walker I guess. If I was you I wouldn't, its a long term commitment.

You wouldn't be getting your Ds a dog you would be getting a family pet.

As such all adults involved (as they are the ones that looking after it will ultimately fall to) should get a say in whether it happens.

As your DP is the one that will have to do the majority of the looking after, they are the one that should be saying yes or no to this.

I have seen far to many families got pets for the children and the one that wanted the pet least doing the lions share of teh work.

Dogs are lovely but are an enormous amount of work. I’m with your partner 100% on this one.

If the person who will be doing most of the care isn’t up for it then you shouldn’t get one
We do have a dog but I am currently “denying” my Dc the experience of a horse, some pigs, chickens, geese and ducks ( all of which I had)
I think they will survive it

I can assure you that neither your DP or DC will walk the dog. It will all fall on your shoulders. The unwilling/reluctant partner will not suddenly magic up the enthusiasm to adore and nurture the pet.

For this reason, I’d say ‘no’. A dog will probably add a dimension of stress to your life that you could do without.

Dogs should be adults responsibility. Yes DC can help but they will be more interested in going out with mates/homework etc than caring,walking and training the dog once the novelty has worn off. I work from home and it's hard at times when the dog wants to go in and out all the time, needs seeing to if barking etc. As your partner isn't keen I would say no it doesn't sound like a good thing to do.

Both my DC's were desperate for a dog and literally cried with joy when we told them we were going to visit our pup at the foster carers. DH was ambivalent about the whole thing and pretty much loathed the early puppy experience (to the point of wanting to send him back ) The DC's lost all interest after about two weeks. Fortunately I have been desperate for a dog for years so although I had hoped it would be a great family experience with lots of family dog walks and days out it hasn't really worked out that way. I knew that the responsibility would fall to me and that's fine.

I literally do everything. DH is much happier about the whole dog thing now but bar a bit of play in the garden and he will take him out if I'm very ill he is totally hands off.

How was he at looking after the rabbits?

It sounds pretty unfair on your DP. My DH and DC would love a dog. I am not a dog person at all but as I work part time would end up doing almost all the care. We have decided no for now but will have to have a rethink in the future. I feel guilty but it seems far more work than another child and 2 children take up enough of my energy as it is!

DH was totally against the idea of a dog.

We got one

DH now totally adores the dog (as we all do) and squabbles with us all over who the dog loves most

I didn't really want the DCs growing up without a dog - so I see what you mean OP.

Could you try "Borrow my doggy" for a day or owner's holiday and see how you all get on?

Sorry but in your situation I don't think a dog is a good idea.

When you are considering the amount of work it takes to look after your dog - think worse case scenario then double / triple it.

So your DC likes the idea of a dog now - but I assume they are off to secondary school in September - increased homework, possibly longer travelling, extra curricular activities, different friendships - how many hours a day could you reasonably expect your DC to spend walking, grooming, training the dog?

What about in the winter when it's dark in the mornings and evenings? It's raining, snowing? Would you want your 11 year old out walking the dog when it's dark? Would you want to have to do it yourself early in the morning, alongside nagging DC to get ready for school, in the evening after a long day's work?

Then there's your partner trying to work from home - a dog may sleep for a few hours if they are tired after a walk , or bored because they are left alone- but if there's someone else in the house the dog doesn't understand that your partner is working, the dog will bark, try to attract his attention because the dog thinks s person in the house is there to play with him - or even just wanting acknowledgement - tummy rubs. Particularly if your DP isn't totally on board with the dog in the first place this won't be the ideal working environment for him. Yes, it's possible to work at home with dog there and people make it work, but that's because they really wanted a dog and are looking at how to make it work.

In a situation where it is the DC wanting the dog and one parent is ambivalent, the other adult has to accept that they are likely to be the dogs full time carer, so, at least two walks per day (one of which needs to be more than the cursory 20 mins round the block). Training is ongoing , even if you don't have a puppy there is ongoing settling in, training for a rescue dog.

Alternatively if you can afford it, doggy day care, or a dog walker would help but you would need to take this cost into consideration.

An 11 year old cannot do most of the tasks required of having a dog independently.

Walks - will you really be letting your 11 year old take the dog off for a couple of hours at a time, into the park, unsupervised? What about when it's dark at 4pm in the afternoon? I, as a fully grown woman, find walking the dog after dark in the park somewhat uncomfortable, and there's no way I'd let an 11 year old do it. And I say that as someone who was walking the family dogs in daylight from age 12 - I'm not risk averse at all.

Feeding - yes, but there's going to need to be some oversight, and you'd have to do all the research on what to feed (see allaboutdogfood.co.uk)

Vet visits - no

Grooming - possibly, but some breeds are harder to groom than others and some otherwise lovely dogs develop issues around grooming that would make it unsafe for a child

Training - there can be some involvement, but a child of that age can't have overall responsibility. You could take the child with you to good quality training classes, but you could only really expect them to reinforce what's learned. You can also expect that a child of that age would be keen on teaching tricks like roll over, but not the fundamentals like how to stop the dog from jumping up at all and sundry

What will happen in 7-8 years when the 11yo grows up and leaves home? Who will look after the dog then?

If you're going to get a dog, the adult primary carer needs to be keen otherwise it just won't work

Thanks for the replies. He has taken good care of his pets so far, but, of course, you do worry about all the things that have been stated like taking it for walks, cleaning up after it etc. It's a tricky one. I think the decision will probably come down to the adults' lack of enthusiasm but I still can't get rid of that nagging thought that I'm denying him something that can be a wonderful childhood experience. You can sit and pet a rabbit or guinea pig but a dog can be like having a special friend to a child.

Unless the adults are 100%, I would say forget it. Maybe talk to your parents if they are still around about how they found it having dogs while working and having kids. I worked full time with Dh at home full time and 11 year old ds at secondary school. I did about 95-100% of the work and it was shit tbh.

I did use to take our ones out for walks when I was young. We didn't live in the city though and times were different (showing my age).... there didn't seem to be so much worry about children going out by themselves as there is these days.

It’s not like a rabbit. A dog could still be alive when your DS is 26.

God no.

It's like having another dc

Your partner will be the one having to toilet train it etc if he's the only one in. I wouldn't unless your partner is fully happy with it. And imo an 11 cannot look after a dog. We have an 11 yr old and a dog and although our ds is brilliant with her he can't walk her etc just yet.

It's a no from me

Even if your DC could walk the dog on a lead it's amazing how on the ball you need to be regarding other dogs. Just have a look at some of the threads about off lead dogs harassing on lead dogs. Would he be ok to step in if he determined things to be getting out of hand or cope with owners who get aggressive when you ask them to grab their dog as it's obvious 'play' is getting out of hand. What if your dog becomes reactive?

I think you have to anticipate adults taking full responsibility and anything your DC can help with is a bonus.

Even if your DC could walk the dog on a lead it's amazing how on the ball you need to be regarding other dogs. Just have a look at some of the threads about off lead dogs harassing on lead dogs. Would he be ok to step in if he determined things to be getting out of hand or cope with owners who get aggressive when you ask them to grab their dog as it's obvious 'play' is getting out of hand.

That's a definite concern. In my area there are lots of people with pit bull type (I'm not an expert on breeds. All the ones I had were mongrels from rescue centres) animals with heavy chains and spikey collars. You almost get the impression they're some kind of 'hard' accessory.

"I have seen far to many families got pets for the children and the one that wanted the pet least doing the lions share of teh work."

LOL, what the previous post says, parents always end up doing the work. However, its not always a bad thing. When I was little, my mother did not want a dog. I begged her for years. Finally, my father said only if I get all A's. They assumed with my yoyo grades I would not accomplish all A's. Boy were they wrong and the next report card came my dad got the shock of his life when he saw all A's I am surprised my mom even agreed to getting the dog, she was that against it. But she is even the one that took me to get the dog. I was the happiest girl on the block when the dog first came home. It was agreed the dog would sleep in the garage in her crate. It was only allowed in the garage and in the garden the first day. By night, my mom suggested, perhaps lets just bring the crate inside the house. The next night, lets just bring the crate to my bedroom my mom suggested. And then, the next night, the dog slept in her bed every single night for the rest of its life. The dog became my moms dog. She loved the dog so much and was absolutely devastated when the dog passed away. This is not always the case, but sometimes the most reluctant one becomes the one who loves the dog most.

This time around, I am the parent and taking on all responsibility. My husband does not want to do any of the work. I agreed to this, as the joy a dog brings the family is so special.

My DC's 9 and 11 were super excited to get a dog but it's definitely us adults responsibility, the novelty wears off, the nippy pup stage was not fun and the dog has destroyed shoes, footballs etc.

I wouldn't let mine walk the dog on his own, the first time the oldest did it around the block, the dog of course had diarrhea on someone's driveway so he's not doing that again ( I did go and sort it out with water)

The dog is now 18 months and they have picked up about one poo each in that time!

We got a dog when my kids were around 5 years old. As they grew older other priorities crept into their lives...quite naturally and so walking the dog wasn't of great interest to them. Thankfully I'm a SAHM and I love walking the dog - rain or shine.
We now have a pup and teenagers - they have exams and boyfriends etc and not loads of spare time on their hands - so again it's down to me. It has to be down to you. If you can't commit 100 percent don't get the dog. The dog needs permanence whereas children's lives are very transitional.

Oh yes, kids never pick up poo in the garden (unless bribed) and forget that a dog requires fresh water each day!

Unless at least one adult person is one hundred percent committed to having a dog and all the massive responsibility and life changes this brings (I cannot stress enough how much having a dog changes your whole life) then please do not get a dog, just because your son wants something does not mean he should have it, if your circumstances and commitment are not there its doomed for failure.