Am I making the right decision to get a puppy? Please give me advice!

[Lafraise]

We have been wanting a pup for ages, DC are 10 and 7 and old enough to participate now, and I really want to be a dog family. We've found a good and ethical breeder (ages ago, we've been waiting for a litter) and she has a 6 week old pup available for us now. A friend has had a puppy from this breeder before and had a great experience.

We live in a village, surrounded by fields and I'd like us all to get out in it more! (We moved from central London just over a year ago)

DH and I both work full time but between us work 3 days from home. We have a live in au pair who would be around to help the rest of the time and will get a dog walker later on if needed as well.

So far so good, however these are my concerns and I'm just worrying if this is the right thing to do - any thoughts/advice welcome!

• we have busy lives, worried about taking on too much if the puppy doesn't settle/is needy. I've read about the puppy months and the puppy blues on here and feel a bit daunted.

• DD (10) is very afraid of dogs. I think this is the way to help her get over it, am I mad?

• are we around enough for a puppy?

• what if we can't train it (never done this before!)

It's a cockerpoo F1B girl for those who'd like to know, apologies in advance if you disagree with cross breeding

Here's our poo girl.....a teddy face but does require firm leadership. Our girl was not the litter alpha but as well as being loving and highly social le she is strong willed and has a possessive streak. Lead training is done every day.

I don’t think you’ve got the right set up for a puppy, they need so much input in training and socialising, and you can’t expect an au pair to put in the work required. You can’t imagine how hard the first few months are, the nipping, chewing, jumping up, it all has to be dealt with, then they hit teenagerdom and all the training goes out the window again

A calm, older rescue may be the answer, if your daughter isn’t going to be scared of it, but a puppy? No

I thought I knew what having a puppy would be like. NO. I utterly underestimated the work required. It really is like having a toddler.

I haven't been up at 7am on Sundays in years (no children) and now I am. And it's unlikely to change anytime soon. Constant chasing around. The yapping, the biting, the jumping, the toilet training, the training, the destruction, the general work.

Now don't get me wrong, I utterly adore our boy, I really do. But it has been a huge shock to the system after our quiet old boy who just pootled around happily.

I've just chatted your situation with the family. We agree we wouldn't have got a cockerpoo first off. Our girlys gorgeous but they are a demanding breed with a high requirement for attention. I think realistically the au pairs input can't be included other than doing v basic food, wees etc....so then it's down to you and DH.
If you are hoping for a mutt that you can walk and will then be happy to quietly flop for most of the day while you work from home then it's not a poo. They are very smart require stimulation.
I realise if a puppy's available now this is hard for you but getting a good match is vital. Could you consider some other breeds.....whippets are fab....very chilled once walked. Lab retrievers also are happy Post-walk flopppers. Westies are adorable and need around 30-50 mins walk and not overly demanding.
I would just hesitate and think it actually.

Hi all, I'm reading all the comments closely and trying not to latch onto the positive ones (thankyou though Tinkobelle and April)

We decided against a rescue for two reasons - we don't want to bring a fully grown dog in, and also with a rescue there is often a tough past and we would not necessarily know the triggers for violent/aggressive behaviour. We have friends with rescues and this is based on their advice. I do appreciate the ability to fast forward through the puppy time is a bonus though

We are at home 5 days a week (incl weekend), so day care for 2 days is absolutely doable and there are some good ones round by us. We already have cover (dog going to another dog owners house) if we are away. We've sourced a puppy trainer already, one where you can take DC along too which I'd like.

I am very sobered though by the number who say it's too much for us. I'm not sure I agree but am listening and considering very deeply. I know what we want (we'll behaved family dog), just not certain we can get there yet.

Rescues don’t always have a tough past, it’s very unfair to dismiss them all, a lot are there through no fault of their own

If you've got a nervous child, you might struggle to get approval for a rescue match from the rescue people.

Cockapoos are lovely but they're a full-on breed. If you want full-on, great! we've found they're attention needs to be brought around to positive things all the time...chew bones, toys, good play etc otherwise if idle, she's a monkey and snaps.
At 13 weeks of age, we're up at 6am for first toilets and getting our lights out at 11pm after settling her etc. We are ok, happy but a bit knackered as there's no weekend lie ins. It's been like this for 5 weeks. First week howling all night long.
As long as you go in eyes open....least you know. Lots of love, interaction and fun back in return. Lots of laughs too!

I don't know if it has been mentioned but dog training takes a lot of time. You are looking at 12-18 months min of weekly training c class, especially if you are a first time dog owners.
Just doing puppy class is often not enough, and positive reinforcement of what has already been learnt is very important.

A lovely forward-going walking dog too.....everyone says this about them.

I personally think 12-18 months of weekly training is over the top. But it is true with any puppy that you reap what you sew.....if you sew little or nothing you can end up with a dog-lout and spaniel types can be spoiled dog-louts. You need to get some clear foundations and then repeat repeat these throughout the dogs youth. Also Cockapoos do love agility/retrieval so that's worth thinking about ..,for a class.

I was advised to try and work on obedience training for the first year and I think that was about right.

I have 3 DCs and 2 cocker spaniels, the younger spaniel was a puppy at the same time as I had my youngest child. It was tough!
Not a moment’s rest was had. He is also very badly behaved around food, snatches, steals, jumps up etc - this is entirely our fault as we were slack with him. The children love the dogs, I love walking them - they are well behaved on walks and we enjoy taking them out together.
If you have never had a puppy before, you are likely to be in for a shock!

We had a puppy before DC and at a time where for health reasons I was taking some time off work. In other words I basically had nothing else to do except be with him all the time. Watch him all the time, toilet training him, rescuing the furniture and other possessions, leaving him only for very short periods, then increasing. Very time consuming and it was definitely a huge help that I only needed to basically do that.

When we got our current dog we had two DC and both worked. I was working mostly from home. We got a 6 month old puppy. No way would I get a brand new puppy and also try and look after DC and work. I know people do but I just can’t fathom it!

Please don't dismiss rescue or older dogs. Many rescues have dogs in foster homes where they can be properly and thoroughly assessed with children etc. A good rescue will also offer training advice etc. It breaks my heart that rescue dogs are lumped together and dismissed out of hand when the reality is that, if you are careful, you can have more reassurance of your dog's past and behaviour than buying a puppy.

We got a chihuahua from a family of loads of kids and she had 5 adult dogs too
She’s bombproof. Whined the first night for half hour then Xmas day night as I was ill and went to bed and kinda ruined her routine
She came crate trained and being so tiny the whole lead training thing has passed her by. She does pull sometimes but 🤷🏻‍♀️ You don’t notice
So many friends of mine with proper dogs 😉 are so won over by her. She’s exactly like a big dog, just tiny
She’s got excellent recall at 8 months - BUT for her protection we have to go where there are no other dogs as you have to be aware of their frailty - she is very friendly and submissive with known dogs and on the lead. WE just don’t know if a big dog would grab and shake etc
She comes in and out of cat flap for toilet ing into our very secure garden and she and the cat are almost friends now
She’s half his size so that no doubt helps haha
She’s an absolute joy BUT a real tie. Have to constantly think of who is having the dog or popping home or how long blah blah.
But not one regret. My first ever dog

I understand they are 3 part poo, 1 part cocker which is the mix I want

Genetics are funny things and this does not automatically mean the dog will be mostly poodle-ish with just a bit of cocker. This is true even if previous litters have worked out that way. You COULD get one that, because of the random nature of the way genes are handed down, is mostly cocker. Be prepared for the best and worst of both breeds because you could get that. So you need to be prepared for a dog that is emotionally sensitive, boisterous, has high energy and mental needs, barks, chews, needs lots of grooming, hates being left alone, sheds a lot and follows his nose when out on a walk - to the detriment of recall. They are the 'worst' of both the breeds mixed here and you could get all, some or none of that. All breeds have 'bad' traits that can be difficult to live with and when choosing a breed you need to be realistic about whether or not you can handle the bad. Mixes just have two sets of traits that can surface.

Many rescues do not have a tough past - maybe even most. I recently did some work with one and it was honestly about 75% of dogs were there through no fault of their own (owner got ill, moved, children came along and they didn't have time for the dog, children left home and they didn't want the dog, they picked the wrong breed for them and couldn't handle the typical breed traits and so on). The 25% that did have problems were closely managed by the rescue and would not have been given to anyone who couldn't or didn't want to handle them.

All that sounds like I am trying to steer you one way (rescue). I'm not really. I'm just trying to add some extra info for you to mull over.

Our set up is similar to yours though we can have someone working from home or at home all week it doesn't always work out that way. We have a puppy walker who comes in one day a week to play and walk him and feed him. She is here for half an hour and he is in his crate for 1.5 to 2 hours before and after her arrival.

It's not easy in fact it made me crazy in the beginning I have lost half a stone with worry and a weird feeling of anxiety. You feel on edge constantly but it's getting better and I wouldn't change it for the world. You need a biddable dog something like a lab or a Schnauzer (we have a Giant Schnauzer) but any size are trainable and the two smaller breeds need an hours excercise a day. Whippets too nice calm dogs and child friendly.
I also got a puppy as our first dog as I wanted to have it from a baby and work with it my way. Our ndn DD also was scared of dogs so I wanted to make sure she saw the dog growing up.

I think your set up sounds great as an ongoing household for a settled dog but I would advise that you should take some holiday from work for the first few weeks when the puppy first arrives. People will tell you that it's like having another baby in the household and it's hard to believe until it happens, but it's true. You will need to be expect to be up in the night several times with the puppy and to take it outside every hour to pee for the first few weeks, and not leave it alone at all for the first week or so, and that is assuming that your puppy will settle and sleep without you and does not get too upset when you start to leave it for short periods.

I think we were lucky with our dog in that he did sleep from around 12 til 6 after the first couple of days and he accepted us going out and leaving him so that by the end of our holiday period (school summer holiday) we were able to leave him for 4 hours. Even so, DS and I were pretty tired at the time.

I've read la few stories on here from posters who literally had to sleep by the crate and couldn't leave their puppy at all for weeks. So really a bit of a warning that it can be harder than you may expect.

I don't know what to think about your DD - no experience there.

Caramel I was that loon sleeping by the cage. And it took weeks and weeks to get our pup used to being left.
And the baby comparison. At least they don't tend to chew the house (and you) and pee and poo everywhere.

I spent 8 weeks taking puppy out in the garden (rain, shine and snow) every 20 mins to toilet train. He couldn’t do school run (no dogs in school yard). He was 12 weeks before he’d had jabs and could start on the lead and it took weeks of frequent (6+ times per day) coaxing him out the door to get him to learn to walk on a lead. He’s a Bichon and we honestly wanted to rehome him at 14 weeks! My dog scared 7 year old (who said she did want a puppy until she got one) was terrified. He jumped all over her and chased her and chewed her. She lost her freedom in the house as she couldn’t move around until one of us picked up the dog to stop him chasing her. She was petrified of him and begged me to rehome him. He is 6 months old on Monday, fully house trained, no longer Mr Bitey and him and DD get along ok (she is still no dog fan but he doesn’t chase her anymore and they can share a sofa in harmony). She has lost none of her fear of other dogs. He is still hard work (currently getting up at bloody 5am) but we are all enjoying the good bits more. He is friendly, sociable with other dogs, can be left alone for short periods and loves a walk.

I am home full time and have no idea how this would have worked if I hadn’t been. We won’t have anymore puppies - way too much like hard work even if he is a cutie!!!

Another person here advocating for an older dog, a rescue. If most of your concerns are based around coping with a puppy but you still want a dog, then skip that step. I've never had and would never get a puppy. The dogs I have had have come to me with no known history and they've been gems. Go to dogs trust or similar local rescue and chat to them? They'll know the dogs after spending time with them and will support you to find one that suits your family.
Sorry if this is something you've already done, considered or rejected but from reading your posts all I could think was, just get a rescue!

My partner and I brought our first puppy together 6/7 weeks ago, he's a cocker spaniel and the work you have to put in is literally nothing you can be prepared for! Spaniels always have their noses down, always eating what they shouldn't (in Colby's case stones are a favourite), he's still not toilet trained but does go outside as well as inside as we live in a top floor flat (take him out multiple times a day of course & we are looking for a house/flat with garden atm) & his bitey phase was awful puppy teeth HURT. We got him from a family with a 1yr old baby who couldn't cope with essentially another baby in pup form!
Definitely have a good think if this is the right breed for your family- I know you said it's spaniel mix but maybe a more laid back dog would be suitable? Walking a spaniel is like walking a sprinting lion! they're surprisingly strong considering the small size of a puppy!

Also, regarding the au pair- I really don't think it's fair to expect her to walk the dog/clean up after it as well as do her normal duties. She'll literally be picking up poo/wiping up wee non stop. Not fun for someone who didn't sign up for it!

Anyways, here's a pic of our lil boy Colby- he's a nightmare but we love him.