Rehoming guilt- 3 dogs and 2 babies

[Gertrudethecow]

Before i begin, I have always been a strong believer that a dog is for life which makes contemplating this all the more hard.

We have 3 dogs. I had 1 before meeting OH and he had 2 dogs.

Before having children the 3 dogs were our children. They even slept on our bed.

After DD this changed. Before having DD we had stopped the sleeping upstairs, as I didn’t want to be tripping over dogs during the night and we thought it safer with a new baby.

It wasn’t just the sleeping arrangements. Two of them are incredibly bouncy breed and again, it wasn’t safe to have her in a bouncer/ Moses basket etc when they were around. They have no sense of their size and still knock her flying (she is a toddler). As a result we have staircases all over the house. Luckily we have a designated dog floor which they live in for most of the day. It is large and they are let out regularly etc

This separation is ok for OHs two dogs as he used to work full time and leave them in a kennel. They are used to having their own company. My dog used to come to work with me and as a breed is very needy. She is also very yappy which is very irritating with napping babies.

We are about to have baby no.2 and a family member has suggested having her. I feel so guilty considering this as she is so good with DD and isn’t bouncy (like the other 2) with her. She is gentle and really loves her. Unfortunately we can’t treat them differently though.

The reality is three is a real handful, not helped by the layout of our house but then we wouldn’t have the bottom floor for the dogs... It is going to become more of a handful when no.2 arrives. I would love nothing more than to be able to walk with a pram and my well behaved calm dogs but they are too old to change. Instead we employ a dog walker a couple of times a week and my OH walks them on his own. At the weekends we do walk together.

Am I being cruel to consider rehoming my dog with a family member? They would adore her but I just feel so guilty. She isn’t really a problem apart from the yapping. On the other hand am I cruel keeping hold of her when she craves attention that I can’t give?

You are not being cruel to choose to give her a happier home with someone else if that's what will happen. If that is the best way that everyone can be happy then do not feel guilty for it. An older dog may well be much more comfortable in a quiet home being adored than in a noisy, chaotic home with bouncy dogs and young children.

I did want to just feedback on a couple of things, though.

Unfortunately we can’t treat them differently though

I think you can. As long as you consistently treat them differently they will come to accept this new norm and I am not convinced dogs have any sense that the same = fair. For example, we have two older JRTs who do not get so muddy on a walk. We have a younger springer who gets wet and filthy. When we get back the JRTs are allowed into the lounge. The springer gets a towelling off then left in the kitchen (on his own) until clean and dry. That's his normal. If you want your dog with you and the other two somewhere else that is fine - so long as all get adequate care and attention.

they are too old to change

All dogs can learn and change. It takes time, energy and effort which you might not (understandably) have with two young children but don't think they will not learn.

Could you do a trial period with family member? Give it a go and then see how it's all settled down?

I agree completely with missbattenburg

A) if they can offer a better life now than you can do with two small DC, then you shouldn't feel guilty - it's not like you're abandoning her, you're keeping her in the family but offering her a life that's presumably like the one she had with you pre-DC.

B) I also believe you can treat dogs differently, as long as it's consistent and particularly if the other two are happy left to their own devices, whereas the third needs to be with you to be settled.

C) an old dog can learn new tricks/to behave better however I also appreciate that now possibly isn't a time when you can manage that. Have his dogs ever been taught a settle command?. Kiko pup (on YouTube) has good videos on it if you would like to try teaching it.

We have 4 ddogs, 2 in more than the others due to size and stupidity (theirs not mine!)

Unfortunately we can’t treat them differently though

You are projecting human feelings onto your dog, of course you can treat them differently. If you are happy your relative can give them a good home and fulfil theirs needs better than you can just now, then let them go.

The whole "a dog is for life" thing can be detrimental to dogs sometimes. There's a big difference between the sitiation you describe and dumping her at the local pound!