What dog??

[ReanimatedMuse]

After years my DC have worn me down and I'm considering a puppy.

I'm being honest I'm not madly keen on dog ownership (don't flame me - the dog will be loved by DH and the DC) but the children and DH are, so I'm prepared to put them first and compromise.

DH would prefer a big, strong dog. I'm apprehensive so want something small (ish), quiet (ish) that doesn't shed or smell.

Am I crazy to consider this?! If not anything I should look for /consider?

Who is going to be the primary carer? Puppies are HARD work for about 18 months. If you are just going along with it but are expected to be the one walking, grooming, feeding, training, picking up poop etc. then could there be issues?

If you are going to be the primary career and you are the one that does not want a dog then it’s doomed for failure from this start. Never underestimate the massive changes in your life a puppy will bring, I was in a state of shock for the first two weeks and I desperately wanted a dog and had researched breed and had considered it for about 2 years before actually taking the plunge. If you don’t want a dog and you are the one who is going to train it, feed it, walk it, mop up it’s vomit, clear up poop, have all your activities curtailed be cause you have to be home for the dog, then please don’t do it, a dog should be a very much wanted addition to the family and not something that could end up being resented, it’s terribly unfair on the dog.

If you don't want a dog but are going to be responsible for its care then don't get a dog. I wanted a dog, was prepared to care for it but the reality was much worse than I realised. I'd say I hated the first year and really you only get the rewards of having a dog a couple of years after you got them so it's a long slog with few rewards initially. The mess, the dirt, the drain on your time and money, the restrictions on your life shouldn't be underestimated and it's not really fair on the dog or the rest of your family if you are only going to have a dog as a compromise.

a dog that's not shedding or smelly? Never mind the wet and muddy paws!
Seriously think again if a dog is really a good addition to your family as all adults will end up caring for the dog. That's training,walking and feeding.

(Actually there are some dog breeds that don't shed /smell but I'm not sure if that is what you want. Look at hairless breeds like the Chinese Crested Dog...)

What kind of dog? No dog, sorry.

Even if you really want it and think you're prepared for it, looking after a puppy is mentally exhausting.

Don't get a dog.
Having a puppy in the house is sleepless nights and puddles on the floor. Chewing and exhaustion.
Having a dog means never having a lie in. Walking in all kinds of shitty weathers. More mud than you could ever imagine and never having a day out or a holiday without first thinking about the dog.
I live my dog. I wouldn't be without her. It can still be hard. And expensive.

To be clear I'm not going to be primary carer for the dog....I'm not totally crazy!

DH is a SAHD and I have two young teens so the expectation is they'd pull their weight also.

Take your point about days out/holidays though....

Skim read a couple of the puppy survival threads on here before contemplating getting a puppy. If you not keen on one I would say no way. They are relentless, bitey and demanding. Training is constant and when you think they are settling down they hit their teenage stage and become arsey and push boundaries.

If you do decide to get one research the breed thoroughly and look at all the negatives of that breed to ensure you are confident that you can cope with them (all breeds have negatives even if as an owner you don't view them as that e.g. spaniels are hunting dogs so if they get a scent they are off so managing them offlead is a challenge unless you put in shit loads of training).

If DH will take full responsibility then fine.
Kids won't.

Not totally mad if your DH is a SAHD and will be primary carer - but what are your plans when DC have grown up and left home - possibly only 5 years away when the dog will still be a youngster - is he planning to go back to work FT? If so what are your plans for dog care?

You'll need to think about factors like exercise needs (and note that many little dogs have enormous exercise needs - size and exercise requirements bear very little relation too each other), grooming needs, ease of training, etc etc. The Kennel Club website has a great Breed Finder tool to get you thinking about it all, which is a good starting point, but of course it doesn't tell you about the perfect little mutt at your local rescue centre, so keep an open mind.

All good feedback thanks.

I also have younger children so we've got a good 10+ years until we've no DC at home. But even after that no plans for DH to get back to work so not overly concerned re dog care.

Interesting about size and need for exercising not relating. In my naivety I assumed they did.

DH runs a lot so would love a dog that could accompany him but I'm not keen on a big dog.

He's always had dogs growing up so has at least some experience but he's of the mindset that I'll fall in love with anything eventually so I think is being unrealistic. Maybe I am to even consider it.

DH runs a lot so would love a dog that could accompany him*

This could work in your favour. Lots of big dogs will not be able to run fast or far or in heat. I have a springer and he is a big(ish) dog at 25kgs. He is strong and powerful. He couldn't run more than a minute or so in any heat without slowing down or over heating. He also wouldn't run because he wants to sniff all the time.

We also have a JRT who at 12 years old and 6kgs could run far longer, is more likely to enjoy running and be much easier to run with.

Am not recommending a JRT because, training wise, they can be a tricky dog. But there are plenty of high energy little dogs who would be better running. Small dogs also have the advantage that if something happens (injury) they are a LOT easier to carry home.

If not small then a breed that is slight and light boned. Something heavy boned won't be safe to run until it's 18 months old or so (because of skeletal damage) and will always have to be careful not to over stress the joints.

You need something that has the energy to GO but is not so highly strung they can settle down when back at home with you. A staffie stands out to me as one that could fill this role very easily. It also has that advantage of being strong without being big - especially pedigree-types that are much smaller than you often see on the street.

A small lab might also fill the same role. You would have to pick the dog carefully to get one that is likely to remain small and sprightly and has the right temperament for your family.

Whichever dog you get, your dh faces at least a year long wait for a running companion because all dogs need to stop growing before doing any strenuous exercise. For that reason, it might be better to look to rehome a dog. That way he can get going straight away and you miss all the puppy and teenage hell. My springer is going through it now. He is my 6th dog. I have some qualifications in canine behaviour, have volunteered with rescue and troubled dogs quite a lot and spent a LOT of years waiting for him. Yesterday he made me cry in class with frustration because he has become so unfocussed and distracted all the time. You really have to be ready for that with a young dog. Some dogs sail through this time and you barely notice their adolescence (ime the small dogs have an easier time of it) but others can be really hard work. Like kids.

Oh, forgot to say. Only you know your dh. If he is the sort to take on all the care etc without fail then you might be ok and other than offering support and sympathy (to your dh) when he has to get up all through the night, you get to enjoy all the cuddly, funny bits.

If he is not reliable and is likely to look to you to help then you might want to give it more thought about whether or not you would want a dog. If this circumstance, borrowing someone's dog (borrowmydoggy if you don't know anyone) might help.

Have a look through some of the threads here for partners that 'opted out' as soon as the dog started to cause problems - and all the arguments and resentment that has caused.