Dog trouble

[Amzj]

First of all sorry for long post, im in a pickle

My bf bought me a springer spaniel pup in sep 2016 despite me saying i didnt want a dog. I have bipolar and his thought was it would get me out the house more.

So fast forward to now we are in a new house because my previous tenancy didnt allow dogs, his sister's dog (staffy) was getting attacked by her other dog so we took him on sep 2017, with my spaniel being so energetic and needy i stupidly thought another dog might help him. I was wrong, in feb i tried to explain i cant cope with them, they are both good dogs and have never been aggressive but its too much. I have to walk each dog separately because my springer is way too strong and is awful on a lead. I pick up ridiculous amounts of shit (i already had 2 cats) and there have been a few incidents where they have knocked over my DS, tonight nt springer has full force jumped on him and knocked his head into the table, we were very lucky it wasnt a trip to a and e.
Last time i spoke to my partner about it, it didnt go well, he came up with every excuse he could for them. But im done, i feel irresponsible keeping them out of concern for my son. But also scared if i rid of them he will split up with me? I really dont know how to approach the subject , please help

Imo you priority is your ds. If you feel he isn't safe then what your dp wants is tough!
Tell him it's dog classes or the kennels.

Get the dog trained for starters.
A polite dog is a joy to have around, one somebody hasn't put time into, not so much.
Put the onus on your bf.

You should have said no to the dog in 2016.
Dogs need training and exercise. Who is going to provide that?

Your bf (and maybe his sister) sound like a shit-show towards dogs if I'm honest. Who buys a dog for someone who has said they doesn't want one. Who further buys a frenetic, energetic breed like a springer? Fuck that's made me mad.

• breathes slowly -

Sorry OP, you sound like you are in a shit position here but in all honesty, if he splits up with you because you have realistically judged a scenario he forced on you as too much for you and want to do right by your dogs and son then he is a fucker of the first degree.

Contact the springer breed rescue and talk to them about finding a new home for the dog. Talk to your bf and tell it to him straight - he either cares about your welfare and accepts it, or he doesn't and isn't worth keeping.

Good luck xx

In general I wouldn't agree with taking on a dog then getting rid of it, however your bf has put you in a difficult position. You have a MH condition that makes it hard for you to cope.
I think you should give him a chance to take over nearly all the walking and training, if he wants to do that. Maybe working with a dog trainer or behavioural expert. If he does this the dogs can probably be safe around your ds and it should be a lot easier for you once these responsibilities are taken over.

You're bf is an arsehole.
I say this as a dog owner and lover but you absolutely have to put your son and yourself first in this situation.
But personally I'd be rejoining the BF as well as the dogs.
In the short term, can you afford a dog walker to give them more exercise? A springer needs a lot of offlead time. And get in a good trainer.

Im a huge animal lover too and studied animal care in college it breaks my heart and if i could keep them i would, cant afford a dog walker, my springer is fab off the lead, answers to his name and always comes back, he just has no chill on the lead . He keeps saying to me he's sick of hearing this every few months and then im fine with them, but im not fine im putting up with them cause what other choice do i have

Well you could train and exercise them. Why exactly can't you keep them?

Im new to mums net so dont know how tto reply to your comments individually but just wanted to clear up to some that my dogs DO get exercise every day, after i drop my ds at school i take the springer out for 45mins to an hour off the lead so he has a good run, i take my staffy out for half hour in the afternoon, i also have a decent size garden that they run around in. My bf literally turned up on my doorstep with a puppy for my anniversary present, im also not one to give up animals, I've never ever got rid of a pet, to me they are family. I didnt have the money for dog classes but i toilet trained him, he knows, sit, paw, down, stay, speak and other commands.
I even moved house to a home with a garden for this dog so to anyone that thinks this is easy for me please know its the last thing i want to do.
My son could have ended up in hospital today and that's why i need to consider it, i have babies and young kids that visit and its my responsibility if god forbid anything were to happen

Thankyou to all those who have advised xxx

So you train your dog. Not to give paw. But to greet calmly. To settle in bed. Training isn't just classes. It's every day. Every day they get in or out of the car or the house.
It's not the fault of the dogs if they knock a child over and frankly it is a rubbish reason to get rid.
Get stairgates.
Play brain games to tire the dogs.
Walk them twice a day.

I think your dogs need a lot more exercise than you are giving them. I would say probably 3 walks a day one of them 2 hrs plus, with lots of games. Then some training every day maybe several short sessions rather than one long one.
I know this is a lot of work and I still think your bf should be doing most of it since he bought the Springer against your wishes, and the other belonged to his sister and he wanted to adopt it.

Its funny how you mention a stairgate because THAT IS how it happened. My springer jumped over the gate and knocked my son into the table. Wolfiefan i haven't got time to walk them twice a day, i dont have a car, you can tell me its a rubbish reason all you want but if anything happened to my son or any other kids i couldnt forgive myself. I do treat training exercises with them every day, i just feel i cannot give (the springer in particular) the exercise he deserves. Thankyou to all those who have advised without judgment

So it may not be exercise that you really need to focus on with the springer but more hunting games to get his mind working which he has been breed for. That can be hunting balls or treats in the house and garden.

However, you didn't want the dog so really it's up to your bf to take on the majority of the responsibility.

I honestly don't think anyone is judging you here - you're in a shitty situation and it's not one of your making. However, you have let it happen and get worse because you have not stood up to your boyfriend.
I know it's hard and it really sucks but you need to step up now and make the hard decisions. This isn't fair on your dogs, it also isn't fair on you and your son. Seeing as you apparently cannot meet the needs of the dogs beyond what you're already doing then something has to give. I'm honestly not sure what you want us to say or suggest.

I will say it again however, you have a boyfriend who is selfish and doesn't care about your needs. That is a bigger problem for the future than the dogs.

I agree with pp, you have more of a bf problem than a dog problem

Hi OP, that’s a really difficult situation for you. Maybe consider breaking it down into steps like this:

• problem - the dogs need more exercise and training, which you can’t provide.
• possible solution - your partner takes responsibility for this. If you are worried or frightened about asking him, maybe some counselling (or Relationships forum) could help to think this through.
• if he refuses, or if he agrees but hasn’t done it as needed, then a deadline for him (1 month, 3 months) to find a better living situation for the dogs, eg through breed specific rescue.
• and meanwhile separate your son from the dogs as much as possible.

I also think this needs breaking down into parts. - as a whole it is obviously too overwhelming for you to find a solution.

So problem 1 - Dogs can't be walked together.
solution A can you afford a behaviourist to provide support in making it possible to walk both together? This would make your life easier.
Or solution b your partner takes complete responsibility for walking one of the dogs. So you only have to walk one.

Problem 2 dogs are boisterous in the house and your DS is being knocked down.
Solution A crate or shut into another room or put in garden anytime they get over boisterous in the house.
And solution b train a "settle" command (Kiko pup on YouTube has some brilliant videos on this). So the dogs learn to lie down and chill some of the time.

Solution c are they on a good quality food - poor quality foods like baker's, pedigree, etc can make them hyperactive.

Problem 3 you've ended up with two dogs, neither of which you asked for.
Solution a would rehoming just one of the dogs make the other more enjoyable to own?

Problem 4 you fear your partner will leave you if you get rid of one or both of the dogs. I actually think this is probably where your biggest problem is tbh. It's also creating pressure on you that will make you feel more trapped by your situation.
Solution i think you really need to look long and hard at your relationship. He has forced onto you not just 1 but 2 dogs you never actually wanted. He has made it so you fear he will leave you if you prioritise your son's safety and your own mental health. That does not sound like a healthy relationship and as hard as it is, I think you should seriously consider whether he is a good person for you to be in a relationship with.
Honestly I think if he does want to leave if you give up one or both dogs, tell him to take them with him, when he leaves.

Finally, if you can't afford a behaviourist (and don't have insurance that will cover it) could you afford the dogs trust dog school classes? They are designed to help stop people getting to the point of putting a dog up for re-homing and will provide lots of advice and support on your specific issues, in addition to what is taught in the class.

The main problem is that your dogs don't know how to settle in the house. This is much easier to fix than aggressive/destructive dogs.

Teaching a 'settle' or 'in your bed' command, combined with a chew to keep them occupied should help have a bit more control and peace in your house. Keep the baby gates to separate the dogs and children.

What happened sounds like a freak accident, not that the dog jumped up at the child, just that the child happened to be there when the dog jumped the baby gate.

In terms of on-lead walking, a halti or gentle leader will help you have control and stop the pulling, and possible eventually walk both together.

Treat dispenser toys that mean your dog has to work to get the reward are a good way to keep them occupied and tired them out mentally.

And if you really must rehome the staffie, be prepared for a 5-6month waiting list at most rescues...

@SwimmingInTheBlueLagoon also makes a VERY good point. What are you feeding the dogs, as this can have a huge impact on their behaviour (and health!).
Do you have insurance? I am worried that if you cannot afford a single session with a trainer/behaviourist, how will you cope with any vets bills or health issues. Not judging - just concerned.