Please advise me on dog ownership :) Long, sorry!

[StillMedusa]

We are thinking about getting our first dog.
There are no children..all grown up..currently me, dh and 4 adult kids |(but a couple of them will be moving out by the end of the year)
We have a not large, but decent enough house with an enclosed garden.
We have a couple of cats, so would need a dog who was ok with cats, or puppy who would grow up with them..one cat is very old and stays upstairs these days, the other is three. (Technically we have a third but the unfaithful git spends 90% of his time at our elderly neighbour's where he is hand fed Dreamies all day!)

I work 8-4 , but DS2, who is 21 and has autism, is home all day until 5pm when he has a little local job in the supermarket. So a dog would have company all day. DS2 adores dogs and is desperate for one, and wants a companion (he is unlikely to leave home/marry etc as he is only moderately able) We have cats and he is a gentle loving owner...they have him wrapped round their paws! So a dog would never have to be home alone.
We need a 'cat safe' dog and careful introductions.
Ideally I would like a rescue , really for moral reasons but wonder if a puppy would be more sensible because of the cats?
Obviously with a puppy I would do training and socialisation classes.

I do not pretend to know anything about dog ownership, other that we have a space in our home for one, DS2 needs one and we would love one! But I want to get it RIGHT for the dog's sake, our sake, and for the cats, who are much loved.
I would prefer a middle to larger size breed..and one that doesn't see cats as snacks! We had friends round today with their terrier and their very large poodle cross (not a labradoodle) and the cats coped well..one said 'fuck off' and retreated upstairs and the other went out, but neither freaked out, which I thought was promising!

I would welcome ANY advice as to breeds, rescuing, etc etc. We are not in a hurry, but would like to consider a dog that has moderate walking needs, and most of all, will be a faithful companion to DS2. He NEEDS a dog who will be there for him, and who likes cuddles!

I have a sneaky desire for a Red Setter or a Poodle but that is based on adoring friend's dogs, and as I have never owned one I might be wildly out of my depth!

I'd suggest you take your son to the rescue cemtre and let the dog chose you!

Most are tested for their ability to be round cats/small children etc and temperament assessed plus you can ask advise on exercise. (Don't get a springer or collie as they need loads)

Red setters are highly strung, poodles need a lot of exercise. Dogs don’t really like being cuddled. A tolerant one will put up with it. I wouldn’t worry too much about the cats. They will soon make it clear to any dog that they outrank them.

Erm my dog loves cuddles! She's a Lhasa so maybe a bit small for your liking but she is amazing with my kids older and younger and great with the cat. A very tolerant breed I've found and she can walk and run for ages and lives to play fetch etc.

I have a red setter who is calm, affectionate and loves cuddles but does definitely need a 60 to 90 min walk a day. I love the breed, so gentle. Some are silly but I've never met one with an ounce of meanness in them.

I love Setters! My friend's gets on well with the cats and is a soppy, cuddly lump who has no idea of his size! He is also daft as they come... unreliable recall and steals socks :D His owner describes him as a 'total blonde'

You sound like you have a perfect home for a very deserving rescue dog!!! I will try to not be biased but would say, taking your circumstances in to account, you’d be better suited to s slightly older rescue dog, rather than a puppy. I am a an experienced dog owner, with a dog friendly experienced family, and we think twice before considering puppies. You will definitely be able to find a cat friendly rescue dog. You cannot recommend Dogs Trust highly enough but am sure you will be able to find a breed rescue near to you. I may be slightly biased, but an older rescue Labrador would love some one to one cuddles and would be likely as any breed to be cat friendly!

As your son has autism, have you considered applying for an assistance/companion dog for him?

Where I am, many of the dogs who enter in to the guide dogs/assistance dogs route, but don't make it are offered as companion dogs to people with various disabilities. These dogs make fantastic family pets, they have usually failed from fully qualifying for fairly simple reasons - one I know hated the harness, another was a bit iffy with loud noises - they may not be suitable to be full time working dogs, but are well trained, well behaved and (all the ones I've met anyway) go on to make a massive difference to the families they are placed with.

They are mostly lab/retrievers or crosses thereof, and are placed at about 18 months, so the bonkers puppy stage is mainly over.

It might be worth making an enquiry or two.

Your needs aren't really overly specific - good with cats, medium / large breed (little ones tend to find homes faster, so that actually gives you more options), likes human company (don't they all?), moderate exercise needs and isn't a complete arse when out walking for the sake of your son (avoid euphemisms like "needs to be walked in an area away from other dogs", which translates as being dog reactive, and the future owner probably signing up to a ten-year membership of the Midnight Dog Walkers' Club)

This gives you a choice of a wide variety of breeds and crossbreeds. Like GreenTulips, I'd suggest going along to a rescue centre, talking about what you're looking for and seeing what they've got available. You might find that it's a dog of a breed you hadn't previously considered e.g. this one looks suitable alldogsmatter.co.uk/dogs/eva-2/

Obviously with a puppy I would do training and socialisation classes.

Do them with a rescue too! I've found them invaluable, and they'll be a good way for your son to learn about dog training too. Not all dog training clubs are equal; look for one that does the Kennel Club Good Citizen scheme (they've got a list on their website), or perhaps the Dogs Trust classes for the initial sessions (it doesn't have to be a Dogs Trust dog to go).

We have a very chilled labradoodle that would fit your requirements. It had to be a non bouncy puppy as ds1 (asd) does not cope well with yappy snappy dogs.

We adopted a lab cross from "foreign" and she is totally chilled with the cats, so good with the kids (gets cuddled THE WHOLE TIME), is medium sized, and gets 2 good walks a day but can cope with them being 30 minutes on lead if need be, rather than at least 60 minutes off lead which you'd need with a setter, I'd expect. She's dog friendly too, though not overly fussed about playing with them. I love setters myself, but I know my limits in time and training. Her only vice is unreliable recall when faced with an interesting smell or a squirrel/rabbit etc. She'd be perfect for your DS2 - in fact she is SO good with kids/people and so calm that I think she'd be a great Pets As Therapy dog.

So I vote adult rescue too. Take your son to the nearest place, strike up a good rapport with them and tell them what you're looking for. They will keep you in mind if you visit regularly - and if your DS2 could volunteer dog-walk for them...

Have a little look at Taffy:
www.facebook.com/pg/PozegaDogsAdoptionPage/photos/?tab=album&album_id=726511064191103

Years ago we got a rescue dog and our cats were terrified of him, basically left home and took many weeks to accept him.
Rescue dog died and we were given a puppy. The cats took to new puppy with no fear at all because he was much smaller than them.

Have a look on dogsblog, you can refine by criteria such as 'good with cats'

Op, I think a labrador would suit your and particularly your dss needs, big ish, easy to train, very loving, kind and gentle. Also with the potential to become an assistance dog for your DS.
I would rather have a puppy or if you want a resue and you are first time dog owners, you need to ensure a resue has no behavior issues, it is much harder to train out problems than to train a puppy from scratch.

Is your DS able to take a dog on long walks? Is he capable and responsible? as most breeds would need 2, 1 hour walks a day some of that off lead, that is the biggest commitment.

Think about how close, enclosed safe parks/tracks/coastline etc is as you will be doing this every day.Or your DS.

If you decide on a breed please get a few books and really read up on the breeds needs.

We have a wonderful year old Labrador.

He initially chased the cat a little, but soon grew out of it and as expected the cat rules the roost. DDog would dearly like to be friends with Dcat, but this only happens on the cats terms. They now often snooze together.

He is an absolute joy. Easy to train, calm at home, loves walks but can cope on the odd day when he has a shorter walk.

Our dog absolutely loves cuddles. He is a big softie. He is not allowed upstairs or in the sofa but we all regularly curl up with him on the floor. I would say though, that maybe a smaller dog would be more easy to cuddle as they can sit on your knee / sofa.

The only issue we have is that he is sometimes quite humpy atm, considering castration, see my thread!

Finally, our dog is wonderful but also quite a simple creature. He's not highly strung, has a happy nature, desperate to please. I do think that a breed with this type of temperament is easier to care for.

Me again. I agree with the poster who said it is easier to train a Puppy than to train out ingrained issues from a rescue dog. Our lab Puppy was easy to train using food as a reward and with a little support from classes at our local dogs trust.

I think adopting a rescue is a wonderful thing to do but if it were me in your circumstances I'd go for a Puppy.

Yes, you have the initial crazy stage but it passes and is worth the effort.

Just one thing to consider (and it's only a thought!) - my daughter is autistic and we got her a puppy nearly 2 years ago when she was 10 (2nd dog in the family - she had looked after the 1st for a year to prove she was responsible to have her 'own' puppy). The dog was intended to be purely a pet, but the breeder asked DD to try a couple of dog shows with her, as she thought that she was a good example of the breed. DD has got the bug, and it has been a transformative experience. The dog show world is weird and wonderful, and can be dreadfully bitchy amongst those who take it very seriously, but it has been incredibly welcoming to my DD. She has gained enormous amounts of confidence (competed at Crufts this year!!). I think the key for her has been that the focus is on the dog, rather than her; and that she has her 'specialist subject' in common with a whole hoard of others. If you think it might be something your DS might benefit from, it's worth thinking about a pedigree (morally we would have had a rescue, but couldn't for various reasons). Sorry to witter on - it's a subject very close to my heart because of the amazing progress DD has made.

StillMedusa. I’m made up for you. I know you and DS2 will love having a dog!

My 2nd cousin has autism and the dogs have been amazing for him. They had a lab who he grew up with and now they have a cockerpoo. He loved the lab, but was typically pragmatic when she died (while the rest of us were sobbing!). They got the cockerpoo as a puppy and she’s been transformative. He has been amazing training her because ‘rules are rules’ 🤣. She’s a loving lap dog, loads of cuddles, will nap on your feet and is just generally gorgeous. My cousin walks the dog because my 2nd cousin can’t walk very far & he really hates walking. I’m not sure how little exercise she’d be ok with because my cousin is a keen walker.

My godson, who has brain injury issues after an accident, has a Beagle. He’s super cuddly too and has been great. The pair of them walk for miles, probably further than a beagle would normally choose and we often have to suggest he leaves the dog at home when he’s off out AGAIN!

Both the ‘boys’ have benefitted hugely from having a dog that’s a better size for having in your knee/sofa/bed.

Another friend has a small DD with SEN and they have a cocker spaniel and the DD & Dog are inseparable.

Can’t wait for the pics!!

Thank you for all your replies... it gives me lots to think about and research...breeds, puppies v rescues etc
DS2 is capable of taking a dog for a walk...on the same route every day He is very routine bound but also very methodical, so once a routine is introduced he will stick to it.
We can't do anything until our elderly cat dies as it would not be fair. As she is 18 now and in kidney failure, I can't imagine she has more than 6 months left and I could not upset her world with a dog, because , well we love her even though she is a senile demanding PITA!

I think having a dog will be transformative for DS2. He has lots of love to give but can't navigate humans. He NEEDS a dog to love and need him :)

An Australian Labradoodle is bred as a therapy dog. Ours comes from therapy lines - his mum was a therapy dog for a young autistic boy.

They are very chilled, cuddly, non-shedding and suitable for most (not all) allergy sufferers. They also come in various sizes.

Here is our one.

Good luck with your search!

We got Eric who is a poodle cross, as a puppy when dd was 11 and ds was 19 (they both have autism). It has to be said that neither of them enjoyed the early days when he was nippy and unpredictable , in fact I think they both spent more time hidden away from him than they spent with him. BUT Eric matured and he turned out to be a pretty smart dog who knew best how to be around each of them and so he will dance and play with dd for as long as she wants and with ds he sat quiet at his feet for a long time until ds felt confident enough to touch him and now he still manages to know instinctively when ds is happy to have him on his knee or whether he needs to sit beside him. He has been a lovely addition and he is much loved by all of us.

I’m sorry to hear about your cat, I had two that had kidney failure. It’s tough going 💐

In your position I’d get a puppy, rescue dogs can be easy, no problem at all if they had good owners who were for some reason unable to have them anymore, but the vast majority haven’t come from good homes. It’s ok if you know what you’re doing and can retrain them or adapt your life around their issues, but not so good when you’ve got a boy who just wants a dog to love & be loved by. They can train each other 😊

Anyway, planning is half the fun, so enjoy your research!

Aurea. I think I just melted into a puddle on the floor...that’s one verrrrry cute pooch!

Flesh Your Eric is a cutie, I love his top! You can never have too many Eric photos!

Latte dd dresses Eric up for every occasion. Thankfully he takes it all in good humour. I think that was the world cup outfit that went on each time England played. He spent most of Christmas dressed as a reindeer and he has various coats for all occasions like the country gent outfit, the biker boy attire and the yellow mackintosh that makes him look like a badly dressed sailor. He's a very tolerant dog who happily mistakes our laughs for adoration.