Getting a dog - does the whole family have to agree?

[Dancergirl]

We have been thinking about dog ownership for a while now. But as a family of 5 we are not in agreement. Myself, dd1 (16) and dd3 (nearly 11) are really keen especially dd3 who is a massive animal lover and talks of nothing else.

However dh is unsure and my middle dd (nearly 15) isn't keen on dogs. Plus we have a cat who seems a bit scared of dogs.

Does this mean it's no to a dog for us? How did it work in your family?

I would say the whole family does have to agree, yes. There are only 3 of us and it took a LONG time for my dh to accept our (calm, easy) dog, plus we don't have any other pets.

Even now my dh does nothing for the dog (walks, feeding etc) unless he absolutely has to.

In retrospect, as much as I love my dog, I was way too optimistic that my dh would be fine with it.

Also, kids are great ones for lobbying and then not following through when it comes to the day-to-day stuff!

We waited a long time for our dog, because my DH was reluctant. Now we are both very happy, because we are retired and the dog is a great companion. A dog makes a huge impact on you family, her effect has been much bigger than I anticipated. The cost, the care needs, the way your house looks and smells. It. Is like having a permanent lodger, who does not always understand the house rules.

My view is yes everyone in the house has to agree.

I suppose realistically as the adults, you & DH get the final say. But it would be really unfair to get a dog when 2/5 of your household aren't keen. A dog becomes a pretty large part of the house, even if some members don't actively participate in taking care of it

I forged ahead with an uncertain DH. He doesn't much day to day care, but he has a laugh with the dog and does a bit of training (tricks, mostly). He wouldn't give her up or anything, but she's definitely 99% my responsibility. Ah well.

Thank you. I do want to think long and hard before committing. I think it's more of an issue for dd2 rather than dh. Dh isn't keen on cats although he agreed to us having one as long as he doesn't have to do anything cat related. It works ok, dcat and him stay out of each other's way and our cat has brought a huge amount of pleasure and adoration from the rest of us.

Dh says he would be more amenable to a dog. But dd2 really isn't keen. So what if one child objects? Wait till that child leaves home?

Buy DD2 a kennel & run in the garden & move him out 😝 Free rein for the dog then haha

I know DCs are supposed to be for life yada yada... but in some cases, you really have no option but to rehome.

At nearly 15, your DD is young enough to adapt and might be happier in a less animally home...

Honestly, I wouldn’t. Dogs are much more intrusive and demanding than cats. It’s not the same thing at all.
I say this as someone who would really struggle to be without my lunatic hounds. Luckily, DH and the DCs are dog people too.

Could you and dogloving DCs perhaps volunteer at a dog rescue? Or find someone locally who needs a bit of help with their dog so you could walk it and maybe dogsit a little?

It really wouldn’t be fair to your DD to impose a dog on her permanently. She may, however, get used to a visiting dog and become more amenable to having one of your own

I think it's very risky to go ahead if not everyone is keen and committed to doing the hard work. All dogs have days when they drive you nuts and you want to send them back. Having two people in the house saying "I told you so" will make it so much harder to get through those days, and will chip away at your commitment to the dog. Which is how so many dogs end up in rescues.

Multiply all that by 10 if you're thinking of getting a puppy.

I also vote for all the family being onboard. Someone I knew got a dog and her dh wasn't keen. When dog got too much she rehomed as she didn't have his support. My dds wanted ours and, true to form, walking etc is down to dh and me. I wouldn't have coped without him involved too.

What are DD no 2's reasons for not wanting a dog? If it's just that she doesn't want to have the responsibility of a dog then i think the rest of you could get on quite amicably and DD and dog don't have to have much to do with each other.
But on the other hand remember dogs are not just for xmas so to speak, if DH isn't keen, 5 years down the line what's the chances of all your DD's still living at home? Then you're left with the dog and a dh who didn't really want him/her.
Personally i wouldn't be without my dog, she's a massive contribution to our family and life in general but it's a big commitment and hard work ie when you're walking her in the pitch dark, pissing rain at 7am before you go to work or when you need to organise a sitter because you're going away for a night etc and if you didn't really want a dog in the first place i could definitely see that it would turn into resentment.

My DH said no for years and finally agreed (or was worn down by DC). He definitely isn't keen on dogs at all and is quite scared of larger ones. Everything to do with the dog is my (and DS2 sometimes) responsibility. We've had him nearly a year now and he has wormed his way into DH's heart. He can be found playing and talking to him and is the worst one for sneaking him treats.

However, our dog is small, calm and easy going and not particularly noisy. We also have my parents as dog sitters (and I have local doggy day care) if we need them and this was one of his major issues ie. dog not stopping us going away/out if we wanted to.

What are DD no 2's reasons for not wanting a dog?

She's a bit scared of them.

We do use the borrow my doggy website which is fun, but it's also a bit of a pain and depends on when it's convenient for owners to let you take their dogs out. And of course it's someone else's dog, completely different from having your own.

If you're already doing borrow my doggy etc then you will already have a good idea of what it will be like to have a dog in the family, although.
That's a shame is DD has a bit of fear, understandable that she wouldn't want one then and would be a bit unfair to pressure her into it. Although personally i think the only way she'll get over her fear is having her own dog. Like if you got a puppy, no-one is scared of cute cuddly puppies and then as the dog grown she's unlikely to suddenly develop a fear once it's bigger.

That was meant to say although having a dog live in your house can be challenging depending on the dog and how house proud you are!

I think the adults have to be wholeheartedly onboard. Children I'm not so sure about. We got our dog when our children were younger and they had no input into the decision or the choice of pup. He is our family dog, but dh and my responsibility.

DH, DS2 and DD and I were keen as mustard. DS1 has never been that keen on dogs - he is 10 - and wasn’t excited. DH and I talked about it for over a year and decided to go for it, we found a reputable breeder of the type of dog we thought would be a good fit for our family and waited till she had a litter. When the pups were six weeks old we visited and DS1 was smitten with one particular pup. They spent about half an hour cuddling. We got that pup and he is now a year old and guess who his best friend is?

no-one is scared of cute cuddly puppies

I'm petrified of 'cute' little puppies! Please don't inflict a dog on a child who is scared of them. Imaging having to live in the same house as something you're scared of, 24/7, and it can wander at will around the house.

Stick with walking other people's dogs and see if that reduces her fear but don't make her live in the sane house as something she has a fear of.

I'm going to go against the grain here, my DH really didn't want a dog and my children were indifferent to the idea whilst I was desperate for the company of a dog of my own as I work from home. It took a long time to persuade my husband but he finally agreed for us to adopt a retired racing greyhound, I do all of the walking, feeding, grooming etc and I'm happy with that and now that he's here he has fit in great with our family. He sleeps most of the day so stays out of the kids way but follows me from room to room and sleeps at my feet.

Children will soon tire of the dog once the novelty has worn off so it is important all adults/owners are in agreement and share the costs/walking/responsibility or you will soon resent the dog when the kids won’t walk him, your dh says he didn’t want him and you are stuck with 2-3 walks daily (one long one for an hour) in the dark, rain, wind, snow 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.

It will be you or DD3 looking after the dog. You and your house will smell of dog. Puppies like to chew things.

Personally, I think that the cat should get the last word.

Please don't get a dog if your dd is scared how would you feel being constantly worried and anxious in your own home. My ex had a dog he swore I would get used to it was a lovely dog but I'm scared of dogs and could never totally relax especially at night.

Dp and ds1 want a dog and I feel awful for saying no but though we might get a dog I grow to like we might not and then either we would have to rehome or I would never be able to relax neither is fair.

Thanks all. I know it is a huge commitment and I don't want to rush into anything.

Looks like I might have to wait till dd2 goes to university. Little dd will be 14 then.