One week early better than one day late? Please be gentle....

[hahahaIdontgetit]

Please bear with me, this might be long. (Apologies for referring to him as "the dog" but I'm already worried this is a bit outing.

We inherited my FILs dog when he sadly passed away from cancer. The dog is 13 years old, and I love him to bits, I've known him since he was 12 weeks old. We've had him with us for the last 9 months, and he gets on great with our dogs.

Recently the dog is off his food, stopped eating the wet food pouches he was used to, so I now roast a chicken every few days. He's refused chicken for a couple of days now so tonight I cooked steak, which he ate as I hand fed him. He's extremely thin, after being very muscular all his life, I know they can lose muscle mass as they age, but this is extreme.

He's got a bad foot, which has an open wound, he's on antibiotics and steroids, I bathe and dress it daily, but we're a month in and it's not getting better, the vet thinks it's a tumour, but won't operate (due to age) and says we just need to keep him comfortable. I take him to the vet regularly for check ups and to have him weighed.

He has good days and bad, but the good days are getting fewer, realistically he's only going one way (although tonight's steak has perked him up no end). I don't know if we should wait for the vet to suggest pts or if I'm backing off because he's our last physical link to FIL and we're still grieving his loss.

Do I wait until it's absolutely clear that the end is near? Or am I being unnecessarily cruel? Would the vet suggest PTS or is that something they wait for us to bring up? The dog has insurance so it's not a money issue.

Please let me have your advice, I'm very conflicted about this, and really don't know what to do for the best.

I, and any decent vet (I'm not a vet, btw) always believe the most important factor is quality of life.

What's that like?

You say he's lost a lot of muscle and has a bad foot - but is he in any pain?

Going off food is not a good sign but perhaps it might be worth changing up his food? He obviously enjoyed the steak (what dog wouldn't?) so perhaps he was getting a bit sick of chicken?

Honestly, it's a question nobody can answer but you I'm afraid.
It's much more difficult when the dog is 'so so' rather than in bad pain, wetting itself etc as it makes you wonder whether you're making the right choice or not.

When I went through this everybody told me previously I'd know when the time was right to let her go. I wasn't quite sure on whether I would or not, but I did.

Do you feel it's the right thing to do?

Is he happy? Does he still play? Have life in him?

Thank you for answering.

He's certainly not playing (but hasn't for years), and hasn't gone for a proper walk in a long time (months), but he seems happy in himself, wags and wriggles when we come home on good days.

As I said, good days and bad days (when he doesn't leave his bed except to go out). It's the none healing wound and potential tumours that are worrying me. I know dogs are supposed to have a high pain threshold, and I'd hate for him to be suffering.

IME vets wait for you to suggest it, unless you don't and it's getting to the point where it's verging on cruel to keep going. I'd imagine because it's easier to deal with all round if the owner has reached the decision by themselves.

They're never usually reluctant to talk about it though, if you bring it up...

I'd ask, if they then know that you are aware it's only a matter of time, they'll give you an opinion based on that.

It sounds like he's suffering to me. If he has days he doesn't leaves his bed and has stopped eating properly his quality of life has gone. Some people wait for a 'sign' from their pet but in my experience there isn't always one and it's up to us to make that judgement.

I'm so sorry

If there are days he can't really get out of bed, and he has wounds that won't heal and is going off good, it doesn't sound as if he has many pleasures of a dog's life left?

Have a frank discussion with your vet.

So sorry but it does sound like his quality of life is diminishing . I agree with everyone else who said discuss this with your vet.

Honestly? I'd talk it through with the vet, and then pick a day not too far off when he can enjoy a lovely final steak, before even steak holds no joys for him.

I hope this is helpful, it is so painful to think about it. My beloved elderly dog had some kind of neuro issue (probably a brain lesion) and I do wish I'd put her down when we talked about it the week before. Dh is such an optimist and I didn't realise the extent to which he thought her life could be extended by vet or I wouldn't have listened.

I came home and she was in pain, dh didn't know what to do about it and hadn't rung me, and we had to ring the emergency number and wait for the vet, all the while my wonderful dog crying in pain. It is my biggest regret that I didn't get it over with earlier. After eight years it still makes me cry to think about it.

Our other old boy was pts (planned appt) when his seizures got closer together. He was not in pain and it was so much more peaceful. I do wish I had done that for my lovely girl.

Only wait for vet to suggest if you trust vet. I also regret that we saw the only vet in the practice who somehow managed to not notice my dog was losing weight and muscle mass and that her time was up. Brought her to a different vet who did a neuro exam on her and was of the opinion she needed to be pts, but without any preparation we took her home to think about it and that's how we got into the mess we did.

My only other thought is if painkillers could help. My mum's dog returned to his old self when they put him on some daily tramadol. He must have had pain in his joints. On the painkillers he was so much more agile and even played with us (I have a lovely memory of him running up and down the hall between me and my mum, probably a month or two before he was pts).

I agree with talking to the vet, and what tabulahrasa says has been my experience too.

Thank you all so much for your replies. Last night I was all ready to call the vet and make an appointment, I'd even suggested to DH that he call his brother to let him know so he could come and say goodbye.

But this morning he's up and about shouting for more steak. So I'm going to hold off just a few more days and spend all my money on steak, liver and black pudding. If he's got to go, I'm making sure his last few days are happy ones.

Really appreciate all the responses, and I'm so sorry that it's brought up bad memories for some, you really have helped me.

I'm sitting here sobbing over FB photos of my lovely girl who was PTS in March so I may not be the best person to answer.
I did exactly the same as you, she lived like a princess for her last weeks- liver, steak and mince. After a difficult night I knew it was time. I still miss her madly and wish she was here, but I don't regret that decision. She went quietly and with people who loved her before she was scared and in pain. I will always be grateful for that.

I'm really sorry OP, sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind. Go with your gut instinct of when the time has come