Punishing aggression

[Wonderflonium]

I have a 7 month old who is crawling around and a golden/spaniel cross who is friendly but no saint.

Whenever I catch the early warning signs (side eye, yawning or turning away), or even before that and the baby is doing something anti-social like going for the dog's things but the dog hasn't reacted, I pull the baby out of the situation.

The dog has gradually gained trust with the baby and sometimes initiates gentle play but most of the time wants to go sit somewhere the baby isn't. There are places that the baby can't go but the dog likes to be where we are, so it's a dilemma for her.

Yesterday, I gave the dog a nice treat that takes a long time to eat. She could have eaten it in a variety of rooms which were not accessible to the baby but she wanted to eat it in the living room.
My husband was watching the baby at the time. The baby crawled towards the dog and she air-snapped and growled.

I think: fair enough. This dog has been very politely telling the baby to back off for several months now and it is almost as if she does not understand(!)

The husband panicked and did some weird staring down shit with the dog to teach her it was unacceptable. He KNOWS this is the wrong thing to do. We had several long chats about how we bloody well want the dog to air-snap/growl when stressed before the baby was even born. We talked about how to achieve that. We trained her not to resource guard as a puppy exactly by not punishing growls and by giving her lots of praise and treats in sticky situations.

I think he was caught by surprise because the day before the dog appeared to be dropping off the same sort of treat to the baby. I don't know.

I'm so fucked off right now. I feel like my efforts to keep the relationship between the two cordial have been trashed. How bad is it that he did this? Will the dog still keep trying with the de-escalated calming signals or has he already trained her to go straight to a bite?

It's fine when I'm in charge because I supervise and separate but what about when he's doing it? Do I have to always have the dog with me while he has the baby?

In all likelihood if he's done some weird staring thing after it's happened all that he'll have done is confused the dog about what was going on, she's very unlikely to linked it to what was going on with the baby before that.

You haven't cracked the resource guarding though and with a mobile baby and a DP who clearly doesn't know how to react - I'd really reccomend getting in a professional to work with you all.

Resource guarding can be a tricky one precisely because you can think you've cracked it and it shows up in a new situation...and it's hugely dangerous for small children.

Dogs are like onions many many layers you need to keep the dog/food/toys away from your baby that weird staring down shit will just wind your dog up but no might not cause the dog to bite but your dog imo needs space away from the baby.

Maybe keep treat giving to out in the garden. .
If your dh isn't quite on the ball it's a bit risky. .

Yeah i think giving treats in the garden im an adult like hell would i try and take a treat from my dog and if the dog thinks the baby is going near it then it might not be happy as shown you need to remove your dog not the baby imo.

Yeah good point that we haven't really cracked resource guarding! I will look into a professional. The dog has her yearly check up soon, I'll ask the vet for recommendations.
I like the idea of treats outside and I know my dog would go for it.
Very hopeful that the dog was just confused and didn't learn anything from yesterday.

Yeah treats outside and speak to the vet btw my husband tried the weird staring shit with ours just made himself look like a tool and the dog slunk off i think dh had been watching dog whisperer he was muttering about dominance

Fecking dominance theory.

In fairness, it's not so much dominance theory that's the problem as OH's...

Mine thankfully has no clue about dominance theory, but he's still a PITA because he insists on trying to tell the dog to do things in rambling sentences and then getting annoyed at the dog for not understanding English

As in my end of the conversation goes...

You can't just start shouting at him!!! He has no clue what, go and get out of my way means.

If you want him in bed, say bed, if you want him to step backwards, say move, if you want him to get his heavy 38kg off your lap... stop letting him up on the bloody couch!

Idiot man.

The dog btw is 5 and the second one we've had together, I wish he wasn't as easy to train as the dogs have been

Sorry, all beside the point, lol.

Oh the rambling what is that about he has stopped stari g and rambles at the poor dog i have to ask the dog once maybe twice to do something by the time dh has finished the ramble the dog wanders off bored

I think a good behaviourist is worth it, as much for your husband, as the dog.

If dog wants to be with you, not in a room baby can't get to, but also wants to get away from baby, how about a crate? It would probably take a couple of months for baby to fully understand crate is no go zone but as long as you always move baby away from crate, dog should learn fast that it's an effective way of getting away from baby whilst still being able to see you. During the day my dog has all his food and treats inside his crate, so DC can't even try to take it.

Lol at the rambling sentences and the outrage when the dog doesn't understand!

He says he wasn't out staring at the dog but I bloody well caught him holding the dog and making eye contact, so what the what? Maybe I caught him in the come down from a panic when you don't know what you're doing.

He said he was doing "puppy-shut-up" where you hold the dog's muzzle. Bigger dogs do it to rude puppies, sometimes. You know the one? She wasn't being a rude puppy though, so it must have been super confusing.

A crate sounds like a good idea. We gave the poor thing an aversion to her puppy one by using it in the car but a whole new one with all her favourites in it, maybe she'd go for that. We've been keeping the baby away from the dog's toy collection and her beds, so the dog has somewhere baby-free to be in the room. She just doesn't like eating in bed! God, what a fusspot.

And YY, the behaviourist is for the husband. I know she's resource guarding and we need to work on de-stressing in those situations for the baby's safety but I am on the dog's side here: the baby was being very rude in dog-world. She wasn't even banana-ing, she was crawling straight at the dog. I don't know why my husband didn't see it coming, she's a good dog but she's still a dog!

Yes she is still a dog I just think you have to be uber cautious especially around dogs toys and treats . Our dog came from a home where he was snapping at the toddler it just isn' t worth the risk however small imo I think the baby living along side each other

Along side each other is best for now*

We went to the vet and mentioned the resource guarding. This whole week, the husband has been minimising the behaviour and trying to rationalise it away. It happened one more time (this weekend), we think because the baby grabbed the dog's paw. We don't actually know because he wasn't watching when it happened. Frustration with him doesn't cover it. Especially because he reacted in exactly the same fucking way.

Anyway. The vet is my saviour. He was all "yep, that's two too many occasions. Zero tolerance. We'll make you an appointment for our behaviourist. No easy answers but they cannot be in the same room together."

All of which I have been saying since the first occasion and he has not been taking on board. Hallelujah, a man has said it and now it's time to act.

We see the behaviourist on Tuesday. Yippee!