Had to take ddog back to shelter. Absolutely devastated.

[Harumff]

So I posted about some issues with our rescued collie x previously: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/2957129-Ddog-snapped-at-two-children

Basically she was an absolute angel in the house with us and so loving and fun she completely won our hearts, but she was scared of little kids running about and other dogs. After the two 'almost' incidents in my previous post with young kids we worked hard with her and she seemed to be coping ok passing kids in the street. The dog situation never improved though.
We live in a new build estate and when we first got her three months ago we didn't have many neighbours but over the last few weeks a few families with small kids moved in and, as it's the summer holidays, there's been a few 4-6 ish year olds regularly playing out in front of our house and ddog has clearly been stressed, running from window to window watching them - either excited or stressed, not sure, but definitely wound up.
So, yesterday, she had been in alone for a couple of hours (which she's fine with) and then my Mam and daughter came home and opened the front door.... without warning she darted out and made a bee-line for a girl, barked at her then bit the top of her leg before running back in the house. Luckily the girl is ok, just a small puncture. It could have been so much worse.

I just couldn't trust her anymore. It was ok keeping her on the lead outside so she couldn't hurt anyone but with teenage kids coming and going I can't guarantee she won't get out again. I feel like we have had enough warnings and if she does anything more serious it would be entirely our fault for not preventing it.
So, after a long chat to the rescue we got her from they recommended taking her back to work with their behaviouralist then hopefully find her a calm home somewhere she won't have kids outside regularly like we do.
I know deep down we've done the right thing but there's a massive hole in the family where she was and I can't stop picturing her back at the shelter pining for us. I just feel awful, my husband was up half the night upset and my kids are in a mess. I don't know if it's grieving or guilt or both.
I really hope I did the right thing for her :-(

Well done for accepting the Rescue Home's advice.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking the decision that a dog has issues that too much for you to cope with... living with a dog that is a bite risk is bloody hard work, it is not what people want from a family pet and it's absolutely fine to say that it's not for you.

I'm afraid I am going to add to the, actually it's fairly easy to keep a dog in though... purely because you never know who is reading a thread and what they take from it. Closing the living room door is the easiest part of owning a dog that is a bite risk tbh.

Thanks for the support on the whole. We've tried to do what's best for her and us as we adore her. I never said we were perfect owners and did everything right, owning a dog is a massive learning curve.
I can't sleep for feeling panicky that she's having an awful time at the shelter missing us.

I do feel I need to defend the door thing though. We had all been out the house for a couple of hours (which is normal for her) and the only two alternatives to the set up we had were to either lock her in the living room while we're out (in hindsight that was maybe what we should have done but I thought that was a small space for her to be confined to) or to lock the cats in there (where they would have destroyed the carpet and sofa.... and they've always been house cats so putting them out wasn't an option) and let her have the kitchen/diner. I think the kitchen/diner would stress her more as it's all big windows on a corner where, when we were in, she would watch the kids play and stress.

My 13 year old daughter opened the door while my Mam was still getting out of the car and didn't expect the dog to dash out as she never had before - she always in the past just jumped up at the person coming in to say a nice hello. So, we hadn't seen this as a massive risk previously. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Maybe we could have kept her, locked her in the living room for a few hours a day to prevent her being a flight risk. That has been going round and round my head. But I don't think it would have made her happy and I know I would have always been stressed after that bite.
I can't keep going over what ifs though (and hence am now regretting this post!).
The biggest 'what if' to me is what if we kept her and some day she bit and really injured a child or another dog and that's a much worse scenario.

Poor dog, what a shame

I don't think keeping a dog that's a proven bite risk in in a house with a 13 yo is actually that easy. You only need to get it wrong once, and the consequences are dire.

Just to be clear, I don't think you did anything wrong by not predicting she'd run out the door when she'd never done it before... just if you'd kept her, keeping a dog away from the front door isn't hard.

But living with a dog that you're having to constantly manage in case they hurt someone is hard, just in other ways.

I've had a dog for 4 years now that has to be kept away from visitors, muzzled and on lead when out and kept away from busy places... it's do-able for us, but it's not really what you look for in a pet.

You did entirely the right and responsible thing. There will always be posters who value dogs over children and will think you should have gone to ridiculous lengths to keep the dog but ultimately you're a parent and children's lives and safety are more important than an animals in my book. The kind of people leaving 'helpful' comments like Costacoffeeplease above are the type of people who blame the child that ends up mauled.

Where did I say that Amatree? Please don't speak for me when you haven't got a fucking clue

I don't think you could have kept her at all, she was clearly stressed (or excited but with no outlet) at the children outside. It's actually pretty cruel to keep a dog even when it's not best for them. Once she has bitten, and you have children I don't think you can continue to have them together. The door thing is a total red herring. I will say that collies are pretty hard work, they take it upon themselves to give themselves a job if they don't have enough to do and so from that perspective I'm not so sure how suited they are to average family life. I'm sure people will say oh well my collie was.... but as a generalisation that's my feeling.

You've done the right thing, and you shouldn't feel bad at all.

Costacoffeeplease how exactly was your comment helpful to the op who was clearly struggling with the decision? Saying just 'poor dog'?!

Because that was my reaction, poor dog, let down by the people who should be caring for it

And what about op's children and their neighbours kids - you don't think exposing them to danger would be letting them down?! Really don't think we're on the same page about the relative value of animal and human life so let's leave it there. Op you have my sympathy and full support for your difficult decision.

I volunteer in a dog rehoming centre. Unfortunately she won't be rehomed and will be one of the dogs who goes in and never comes out (if you've been honest about why you've taken her back in).

Unfortunately dogs who have ever bitten are very unlikely to be rehomed as the rehoming centre will be in a lot of trouble if they rehome an animal who goes on to bite someone, in the knowledge that the dog has done this before.

I think apparently 25% of dogs who go in to Battersea never come out. (That's not where I'm working by the way, and don't quote me on that figure but I think it's somewhere in that region).

Maybe some training would have been a better option? Was is a playful nip as opposed to a bite?

By 'never comes out', I mean she'll be put to sleep (probably), unfortunately.

The whole thing was totally avoidable though, with a bit of thought

What exactly is achieved by making OP feel even worse about the way things have played out? None of us were there and we don't know all the details about the rescue it came from either. It's very easy for us to sit here and say that it's easy to keep a dog in but accidents do happen, balls get dropped for time to time it's very easily done. And spouting off about how the dog is 'never going to come out' is just speculation, your experience, is your experience, not a blueprint for how things work in every single rescue. A lot of rescues will work tirelessly to find the right fit. Which this clearly wasn't. They know things about the dog that they didn't know before, which will be helpful in finding the right home for her.

For what it's worth OP, I think you did the right thing. As much as you love her, your home wasn't the right fit. Too many external factors (kids playing outside) that you had no control over, that were causing the dog genuine distress.

I rang the rescue for advice before making any decisions. It was their guidance of 'if you bring her in now when she has only nipped we can work with her then find her the right home but if she bites again we can't rehome her' that helped us make the decision. I believe they're going to try to do the best for her, better than I potentially could.
Thanks for the guilt trip though.

And there are a few who seem to insist you should only ever get a rescue dog but have no sympathy for the humans involved if for whatever reason it doesn't work out.

We have a rescue that is extremely stressed about anyone who is not our immediate family coming into the house. (She's fine while out and about).
She's become fear aggressive over visitors and is now a bite risk.
We have four children ranging in age from 4-17 and a busy household.
It's been a nightmare but we love her so much and are still trying to work with her.
However, we have a cut off point and may well be in your shoes in a couple of months time.
It's not just about the risk to other people, although that's obv a big issue, it's also being honest about your own abilities to deal with the situation.
We've had two behaviourists in and are about to meet our third (and last, whatever happens).
If our family can't help her to accept other people in the house, we simply can't keep her. She would eventually bite someone and meet the worst possible end and we would have failed her.
Returning her to someone more experienced after a nip is the best thing you could have done. Please don't feel guilty. I don't think your rescue would lie to you and euthanise her.

"The whole thing was totally avoidable though, with a bit of thought"

Utter bollocks.

You're right that you have done the right thing. Hopefully they will be able to rehouse her in a more secluded area.

The dog clearly wasn't suited to the environment (screaming kids outside) in a way that wasn't predictable at the start - new build estate, no one knows the exact demographic and where the kids will gravitate to.

In a more isolated location (up a driveway) she would likely be happier and the rescue now know to avoid busy estates for her in future.

You can take all the steps possible to keep the dog in but accidents can still happen, visitors who don't grasp the importance, teenagers who forget the rules, an over excited dog who jumps a stair gate. The thing is if the dog is getting wound up by the kids outside then it's clearly not the right environment for them and nobody could have anticipated that. I think you've done the right thing OP and it must have been a very difficult decision,the opposite of a selfish one since you clearly love her. Wishing you all the best.