Parents Dog with toddler

[Sleepthief84]

Hi all,

Non- dog owner here, and I'm afraid I don't know much about them other than I am a little nervous of them! Just looking for a bit of advice about having DD (16 months) around my Dad's dog.

Pooch is a very nice, well behaved, trained springer. He's 8. He's been with my Dad and Step Mum since he left his mum and they've never had any bother with him. My brother was a 12 when they got him so he's never been around small children before.

We stayed for the weekend just gone, and plan to go up every six weeks or so for the weekend. This weekend is the first time DD has shown any real interest in him, and him her. I was very aware not to let her pull or poke at him, and showed her how to stroke his back gently which he seemed to like. Bless him, the whole time he seemed quite careful not to bound into her and knock her over, they were quite sweet together.

After a while though at times he'd clearly had enough of her - understandable. At one point, she wandered over and stroked his tail and he snapped his head round and growled at her. Now at this point I kept her away, but trying to keep a walking toddler away in the same room is near on impossible. I said to my Dad that we needed to give him a bit of space and he was insistent that he'd be fine, he wouldn't hurt her.

What I'm wondering, as dog owners here is if you'd be offended or find it unreasonable for me to ask for him to be put out (just to another room, he has lots of space) for a while to chill out? Or is that unfair? I took DD for a walk in the pushchair in the end as it was clear they thought it was fine for them to keep interacting and I just didn't think it was. He was obviously getting fed up and I didn't want to run the risk of us having any incidents - it's not fair on either of them, and as far as I'm concerned any animal even the nicest one can snap if it's irritated constantly. We're going to be going up more regularly and I don't want it to become an issue. Dad seems to have the 'he'd never bite anyone, ever' view and while in general I would trust this lovely dog I don't agree.

Thoughts?

Your df is unfair to place such responsibility on his ddog!! His growl was a warning that basically he had had enough of your dd! Quite entitled to I believe!! Could you have df buy a safety gate so ddog can be left in the kitchen after a time to give him a break? Sounds like the dd /ddog relationship has got off to a great start and be a shame if it didn't continue due to anxiety on your part. . They can have a fantastic bond if carefully maintained. .

As the owner of a spaniel and a toddler, you were right. My dog is patient and tolerant of ds but he has his limits and these must be respected. In our case he is allowed onto the furniture which takes him out of the stepping on danger zone, and then I put myself between them and act as his bodyguard if necessary! Or he goes into his bed (which is behind a barrier) and has some chill out time.

Spaniels are, if I recall correctly, actually a breed that is quite well represented in bite stats - not because they are vicious but because they are popular pets, but also (imo) that people take their good natures for granted and push them further than they would another breed with a worse reputation. Staffies on the other hand used to be called nanny dogs because they were meant to be great with children, but people now think they're devil dogs and treat them accordingly! I've had small children being allowed to run up to ddog and leap all over him, complete strangers in public you understand, with their parents grinning like idiots - I've had to perfect my 'No, STOP' command for random children because although ddog is a good lad he is still a dog, and I can't put him in that position. It's not fair on anyone.

You need to have a serious talk with your dad, who is apparently not reading his dog's cues if it got to the point of growling. You could also do some revision on this yourself as it sounds like you're going to have to lead on this. And you need to teach your dd to leave the dog alone, which is a thankless and repetitive task (I know, believe me I do) but important for everyone's safety. I'm sure his dog is lovely but he is a dog and deserves to be treated as such.

Just wanted to say that's a great post Spudlet.

We ended up having to rehome a dog who disliked my son, growling/snapping etc. She was did not like small children and I was my toddler and was pregnant.

Some dogs, especially those who have never had to deal with them before, don't like kids.

Best bet is baby gates. Give the dog space from the child.

Don't let them both in the same room where food is involved. Whether it is dog food or toddler walking round with a biscuit.

Watch for signs, lowered ears of a dog is a usual "leave me alone" sign.

As for your dad, tell him it's your child's fault, never blame dog as it will upset him xxx

The dog needs somewhere to retreat to that you can stop your DD getting to it...a bed in a corner, behind a stairgate, somewhere.

And don't frame it as being worried about him snapping, just that itsxnot fair on him to put up with being harassed.

Also, dogs can be very touchy about their tails, just so you know, it may well have had a lot to do with where she was touching him.

I'm sorry but you can never ever ever trust a dog with a child. End of
I have a dog, before my son was born I would always keep him away from visitors with children (as he'd never been around children so I had no way to know and would never forgive myself if anything happened)
Then when my ds was born it was quite obvious that it was not going to work, so they are kept separate at ALL times
Yes it's hard work but until my child is old enough to respect a dog it's not worth the risk
I absolutely would NOT be offended if someone asked me to shut the dog away (not that they need to ask)
How can someone expect everyone to love dogs and be comfortable?

My SIL has a horrible dog, I don't trust it at all (or my son for that matter haha)
We've been round her house once, my partner assured me she would lock the dog away.. she didn't and it was one of the most stressful days of my life trying to keep them apart
So we've never gone round her house again and never will again.

I would give an ultimatum, if he wants to see you... he needs to shut the dog away. Simples

Stair gate or play pen or reins/lead. Keep them separate. You absolutely can keep them separate. My mum has a dog and I used to sit between them.
The dog may be a patient and well trained sweetheart BUT if your child grabs its tail, falls on it or wakes it by rough handling then the dog may bite.

I would put emphasis on the poor dog. And how the poor dog needs to be able to get some respite from your DC harassing him. Some kind of playpen or baby gate solution would allow dog to take himself away and make it easier to keep DC away.

My dog has an extra large crate (so playpen sized for his small size) and he puts himself away when he wants peace and quiet. The DC were easily trained not to touch him once inside, so now I don't even need to close the door on it.

Forgot to say, if nothing is done about it, there is definitely a high risk of his dog giving your DC a warning snap - which could result in a nasty cut.

Well done you for removing your DC from the house for a while to give dog respite, when your dad wouldn't put the dog in another room.

You are absolutely right - they must be separated. Please see the 'useful resources' thread pinned at the top of the doghouse board, there are some great resources there on safe dog-child interactions - you and your DF should both look over them, for the safety of your child and the dog.

Thanks all. I don't think either of them was at fault or 'to blame' - he's a nice dog who is having his territory invaded by a small creature who he isn't familiar with and she's not much more than a baby learning about the world and sees a big, moving teddy that she wants to play with. I didn't let her pester at him all the time but they were in the same room for a long while and it clearly got a bit much for him. To be fair, the majority of the time they loved each other. When she went to bed he paced round and round the room where we all were and my stepmum was convinced he was looking for her (as I said I know nothing about dogs really so I don't know about that).

As she grows I'll continue to teach her 'gently' and to have respect for his space but yes just at the moment it'll be a concept that's largely lost on her. She certainly has no understanding of anyone else's personal space yet! It won't be long until she has a greater understanding but regardless she will learn to have respect for animals. I don't have pets but I did and so did my grandparents as a child so I was very much brought up to be kind to furry family members.

I will have a chat to my dad. I don't think they need to be kept separate at all times by any means but I think I need to be clear that if they want us to visit then we need a few boundaries and a space for the dog to retreat to/be put if he's getting to the point where he's had enough. I just wondered if it was a bit rude of me to basically say 'can you put him out now'. They think I'm a bit precious about the dog anyway because I won't have him at my house (or any animals) and I don't want to cause any offence. But safety is my priority so I guess needs must!

Honestly, if I had a family member come over with a toddler, and my dog had enough it them, I would expect the parent to keep the child away from the dog.

My dog loves sleeping in the lounge with me near my feet. If I ever put her in the kitchen she wouldn't be happy. So if a child kept bothering her when she just wanted to sleep, I would expect the adult to keep that child away. I don't care whether you have to get up 30 times to physically move the child away. It's your responsibility to protect your child especially when all the dog is doing is just laying there. If you're not prepared to do that, I wouldn't want you coming over. I'd meet you elsewhere.

At the end of the day the dog lives in that house. Why should it be put in another room just so your child doesn't bother it?

SparklingRaspberry - DD didn't 'keep bothering' him. She touched his tail after being in the same room as him where there been milling around in the vicinity of each other happily for ages and he warned her. I didn't want her to annoy him, so I took her out. I did ask for opinions so thank you for your view but your tone and the implication that I basically can't be arsed to keep an eye on her and stop her bothering the dog isn't called for and is incorrect.

Luckily my family value seeing their granddaughter for the weekend every few months more than giving the dog a bit of quiet space every so often when he's had enough. Maybe I should have suggested that I shut me and my infant daughter in the kitchen for a while instead?

Sleep well done on posting for advice - please do read over some of the resources I mentioned earlier - that can help you to identify very subtle signs of discomfort in a dog.

I will do Veterinari, thanks for the advice. I'll get my Dad to have a read too if I can. It's always best to be well informed 😃