What do I do?

[Laura1206]

Hi everyone

I don't know where to start really. We have a 3 1/2 year old border terrier and an 8 month old little boy. I'm starting to see that we aren't able to give her the attention she needs and she seems so down in the dumps.

I come from a doggie family and begged my husband for a dog for years and he finally relented. His dad is allergic so we researched and saw borders aren't supposed to shed and are 'hypoallergenic' - not true! So it limits them being able to come round. She also goes berserk at them in an excited way and squeals/barks etc which makes it difficult as you can't hear anything.

She is generally very good with our son but has recently started to what I can only describe as 'circle' him when he moves suddenly or squeaks one of his toys. She doesn't show any aggression and her body language is quite neutral and when I tell her to go out she does. I've started putting her in the kitchen / diner so DS can have free range of living room as he's so quick crawling and cruising. Whenever he screams loudly or I shout his name she runs off. The first night home with DS she was so anxious but has come on so much since then.

Another issue is she's so loud when people come to the door she wakes DS up and I get so angry at her I feel awful. I just don't know what to do. She is such a good dog and so adaptable on the whole. I just don't know what she's going to be like when we have another baby. She's gone from having 2-3 walks a day to having a quick one of an evening when DH comes home.

I love her so much but feel she's not getting what she deserves. My DH loves her but also feels we aren't meeting her needs, he only gets a limited amount of time with DS due to work and feels he can't enjoy it totally as he feels he's neglecting the dog.

I know I should've thought about this before I got her but I really didn't think it'd be like this. I'm so upset. I don't know what to do for the best.

Sorry for the essay, just after some advise.

Thank you.

Advice not advise. Sorry.

Why isn't she being walked? Maybe sort that first.

She is being walked of an evening for 20-30 mins. I take her when I can. Probably 3-4 times a week.

3-4 times a week for 20-30 mins does not sound enough for a terrier. Is this all on lead or does she get a chance to run about off lead? I would certainly get a dog walker to up her exercise if you can't do it yourself.

As for her being sidelined at home you need to think about how to manage your time across both your son and the dog. Can you try and schedule short periods of time in the day to focus on the dog so she gets some quality time.

That's nowhere near enough. Why can't you take the dog and DS out together? If she's bored and frustrated she will behave poorly.

She is off lead and runs around plenty. I do have time with her in the day. We are also in the garden playing fetch etc. When out on walks she lets us know when she's had enough and refuses to walk on.

Sorry, I know how this sounds. She is very well cared for and so loved.

She goes out with the dog walker once a week when I am out all day.

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate it. I realise I sound like a rubbish owner. She is my best friend.

If you want to keep the dog get your ds in the pushchair and give her at least 2 good walks a day ideally at least 2hrs total. Babies love going out walking (a front facing off road pushchair with a good rain cover is ideal) and you can get in a good routine and its healthy for you. She will then be a lot easier about the house and you can shut her in the kitchen so ds can play if needed. With the barking it will take some training but you can teach her to stop barking on command. Maybe a dog trainer could help with this if you find it difficult.

Have you tried clicker training with her? It's a really effective way of training, but it also makes them use their brains. If she's mentally tired out she will be easier to deal with around the house. It won't remove the need for walks, but will compliment the walks well.

By the way I did the above with my dog and baby it can work. It also gets you out of the house and meet people. You might meet some dog walking friends who you can meet up with regularly which is nice.

It definitely sounds like she's not getting enough exercise or mental stimulation. If you're not able to walk her more often could she go out with the dog walker more often?

I'd stop playing fetch with her in the garden. It really can really amp some dogs up which can then have the knock on effect of making it harder for them to settle down. You don't just want to try and tire her out physically but mentally as well. Try doing something to engage her brain instead of trying to wear her out chucking a toy; trick training, scent games, etc.

There's lots of good resources for managing children and dogs on this list.

Okay this is probably not the best time for your dog right now but it is a relatively short phase and I'm pretty sure any dog would rather stay with its family through the tough times than be rehomed.

There is defiantly help you can get with barking at the door try and find a local trainer and ask some advice on that.

Do you go out with the buggy during the day? could you try to incorporate a dog walk into your daily routine, I used to walk for a few miles with the buggy every day so my dog got exercise that way and soon learnt to walk quietly beside a buggy. Failing that consider a dog walker or doggy day care a couple of times a week so that you feel a bit less guilty.

Your dog loves you and your family.

I have two german shepherds and a baby and they have really taken a back seat however we are getting there.
One thing I did realise is that honestly they don't seem to care that much, some days mine dont go for a walk and it's not the end of the world in the grand scheme of things. I used to worry myself sick but now I tend to let them get on with things more.
I had a session with a behaviourist who said sometimes people can get too hung up on running dogs into the ground when it's equally as important to teach them to be calm and relax at times. I do generally take them out twice a day but if I miss a walk they don't whine or get upset or behave any differently.

One I did to help were installing a babygate so the dogs could still be with us however couldn't knock DS over. We also invested in a really good pushchair and I put small child in it and go for a walk every day, kills two birds with one stone and it has got us into a nice routine. DS seems to really enjoy it and so do the dogs, it's nice to do something involving everyone!

We also invested in some kong toys, we stuff and freeze things in them and it keeps them busy for hours!

Can you afford to send her to doggy daycare once or twice a week, or get your dog walker to come every day (they might offer discount for more days)?

Send her out in the garden with one of those toys they have to work out how to get a treat out - sorry, not sure how to describe it?! Or hide all her favourite toys, so that she has to sniff them out.

May be a basic training course one evening a week, if you can get a babysitter? Then you can carry on the training at home, if getting out for a walk is too much.

When DS was little we went out every day for at least an hour with the dog. DS loved it - he thought it was great fun watching the dog chase her frisbee and his first word was her name. We had an off-road buggy that went through or over everything. DS is now 12 and the dog is a very good excuse for getting him out for a walk every day - it's something we've always done and illness is the only excuse for not doing it. Bad weather never stopped us!

Since then we have inherited a border terrier. She was 7.5 when she came to us and was unable to walk for more than about 30 mins relatively slowly. She now is quite happy to have a good hour's rabbiting, running after squirrels and looking through all the undergrowth at speed for interesting things (she thinks she's a lurcher as that's our other dog and the border follows her). She still has frantic toy bashing sessions at home, but otherwise she's generally relatively chilled out. She has learned that lots of yapping is not acceptable and is much better than when we got her - so you can train them to get less noisy. If your BT is only doing 20 - 30 mins she is not getting enough exercise or outside stimulation - playing in the garden is not a substitute.

Please do not worry about her waking your son up. Try to let the house have it's natural noise levels at all times and not aim for perfect quiet - this is much easier over the months. If necessary, get something like a radio that you can put on very quietly in your son's room so that there is some background noise. My son would blissfully sleep through our large dog barking right next to him, mainly because he was used to the noise right from the start (or realistically, before the start!).