would like a dog but where to start

[Dontloookbackinanger]

I didn't grow up with pets but have wanted a dog for as long as I can remember. DS (4) is an only child and would love the company. I am a SAHM in the country, so have the time to devote and a garden.

However it is a step into the unknown. What breed to get (I'd love a lab but they are big, DH wants a working cocker), male or female, where to get one from (rescue ideally, but we couldn't take a dog with a troubled past owing to inexperience and DS), how much work is involved with training/raising a puppy. Also whether DS is too young at the moment.

I don't know basic things like what to do with a dog when you go shopping. Is it ok to leave them tied up outside if you're just nipping into a shop or would it get stolen/upset. Can they be trained to poo in one place so we're not wading through dog muck? Do most hotels let you bring dogs?

MIL keeps trying to dissuade me saying they are a lot of work and if I didn't grow up with dogs I don't know what I'd be letting myself in for, and they are more work than a child.

I guess I'm asking what are the best breeds for young families, are they as much work as MIL says, and can you successfully look after a dog if you didn't have one growing up?

I am sure others will be along re breeds, dogs and kids etc, but I will start with this. No, you can't leave a dog tied up outside a shop, they may get loose into traffic, distressed, and they may very well be stolen. Dogs are a terrific tie. Everything you do outside the home will have to be planned with reference to your dog. A last minute day out - well you can't leave your dog alone at home, so will you be allowed to take it where you are going? A trip perhaps to the cinema and something to eat after - who is going to let your dog out for a pee if you are gone for hours? If you are going away, who will care for your dog? Kennels are expensive. I'm not trying to put you off, but it is really like having another child, and one whose needs will always have to be considered for the animals entire life.

Getting a puppy is hard work. Look at the puppy survival threads on here to gauge the work involved.

Getting a rescue is better as long as you make sure the rescue has assessed the dog to match your needs and home.

People do tie dogs up outside shops but I would not risk it given that they can escape, someone might steal them and I would not be there to supervise anyone approaching them.

They are a massive tie unless you either don't care about that, have support to look after them or the money to pay people to look after them. Everything needs planning so if I want to go out either DH will look after him or we will tire him out so he sleeps if we are only out for few hours.

I would not be without my dog but they do take up a lot of your life and you have to be prepared for that over many many years.

Dogs are wonderful pets and it's great that you're doing your homework before getting one. First off there will be plenty along in a moment telling you to get a rescue. Whilst this is a brilliant thing to do, it has to be right for you. I would not suggest a novice dog owner gets a rescue.

Dogs are really hard work, especially to start with. Training a puppy is absolutely full on. I would definitely use crate training, it makes everything so much easier in terms of housetraining and stopping them chewing up your house.

Also you simply must seek out decent classes for the puppy and you and your DH. A good part of classes is training the owners.

I wouldn't get a working dog because they need to work and would get bored.

There's loads on the internet to help you choose the best breed for your circumstances.

Dogs shed hair, lots of it.

No, never leave your dog tied up.

Yes you can train a dog to toilet in a specific place. That's what guide dogs are trained to do.

Lastly a dog will love you unconditionally and will make a wonderful pet.

I have a working cocker and they don't actually need as much exercise as people think. They do have though a massive hunting urge which I am finding hard to manage and I go to gun dog training and will have to continue to do so for many months/years because of this.

Please look at rescuing. I work closing with a rescue in Cyprus. I tried rescuing here but many don't rehome with young children. This rescue matches you to the best dog for your situation, does a full home check a d also offers lifetime rescue support (this is rare for rescues). The women that run it do so with their own free time and are truly amazing. I have adopted, then fostered, and am about to foster again from them (With a view to adopting). They aren't just after money or getting rid of the dogs. I can't praise them enough

SPDC is the name.....Saving Pound Dogs Cyprus

I have a Springer spaniel that I adopted last year. She is a rescue but doesn't have a troubled background, the couple she lived with split and their dogs were rehomed.

She doesn't come to the shops often, but she's happy to be tied up outside Lidl, the store has a big glass front so you can easily see her, plus we're only ever in there for a a few minutes. Lots of others do this with their dogs though I get that many people are wary and of course some dogs don't like it. Most of the time she stays at home, she's quite happy to be left for a few hours as well.

As for holidays, she comes with us. Our holidays are usually spent visiting family, but if we did want to go somewhere else we would use kennels, I don't think this is a likely scenario for us though.

I wouldn't recommend a rescue for a novice dog owner although I know that there will be loads along to say that their rescue is amazing, I have had some very difficult rescues and I think I'm quite an experienced dog owner. But please be aware that getting a puppy is like having another baby and toddler at the same time!
I would steer clear of working type dogs as they are hard wired to work and if you are a novice to training its an uphill struggle. Labs are lovely when they are fully grown but many are a nightmare going through the adolescent phase!
I just read a lovely article about terriers basically being anarchists and view their owners as the fun police. This explained perfectly why I love terriers but many cannot live with their basic need to hunt and their love of chaos.
There are many dogs who have been bread as companions not hunters or herders, I think these make great first dogs as their whole being is to be with you.

I have a ten year old coming to me in two weeks . Would you consider an older dog of maybe six or seven?

Try this link to find out what type of breed would be suited to you and your lifestyle.

www.thekennelclub.org.uk/services/public/findabreed/Default.aspx

Dogs are fantastic pets, but as already ready pointed out, they want to be an active member of your family. So when you plan holidays or days out, think dog! From my experience, there are plenty of hotels, B&B or holiday lets that will let you bring your (well behaved!) dog along.
As for trips to the shop/ days out, an adult dog can be left for a few hours ... or you can ask friends/ family/ neighbours to make sure that the dog can go out during the day.

They are a tie - it's a question of whether it's worth the hassle to you! We got our first family dog 3 years ago. He's a German short-haired pointer. Big, strong, energetic and affectionate.

Main inconveniences :

Puppy stage is very hard work
Some days out are not doable unless you have a dog-sitter
Dog hair and mud
Impossible to know what your dog will be like in terms of temperament
Having to fit walks in, whatever else is going on
Dealing with other dogs' behaviour around your dog
Other people not liking or being nervous of your dog
Vet bills
Insurance
Potentially expensive training if your dog is difficult
Possible separation anxiety if you leave your dog
Chewing furniture/belongings

Most of the above haven'tbeen a problem with my dog, but they all could have been. It is a lottery!

My way of telling if a first time dog owner will enjoy having a dog (not scientifically proven) is if they are generally a nurturing person who enjoys caring for other dependant animals or people - and you need to love walking. You have to stay on top of the cleaning needs, grooming, do the training, exercise and play with them several times a day, as a mum to a young dc you need to be supervising the dog and dc all the time. More active dogs need long walks every day of course. It is a lot of work so you need to get some enjoyment out of all the parts that are more hard work as well as enjoying the doggy company and snuggles. Do you love walking and would go for walks regularly even without the dog? Are you good at being patient but firm. Do you like teaching your baby simple things with a lot of repetition. That's not exactly like training a dog but a little bit similar. It's not hard my dd age 12 has trained our dog a few tricks, but you need to be interested in doing it and do it ideally several time a day and be very consistent with your rules.
The other thing is if you mainly stay home a lot and don't enjoy going out for the day too often. If you are going to be out a lot and can't take the dog it may become a problem. It's not fair to leave them alone for long periods so you will need someone to look after them if you go out all day. So that is something to bear in mind but you can get dog walkers and day care quite easily if you can afford it. The odd day trip can be managed easily but if you are going out a lot it might be more difficult. If your weekends mainly consist of playing in the garden and maybe a walk to a (dog friendly) pub lunch you will be fine though.
I really love having my dog and I recommend it to anyone who loves dogs has the time and resources to look after one properly.

I love my dog, I waited a long time to get him.
I enjoy walking him and generally spending time doing doggy stuff
However, we got him from a puppy and it was really really hard work and it really does limit our lifestyle despite having helpful neighbours and good doggy daycare and holiday care
We can afford a dog both in terms of time and money so that's not an issue
I wouldn't give him up for anything now but if I could turn back time I wouldn't have him

We didn't get a dog until our youngest was 11 mainly because prior to that age a dog would have seriously impeded our life - we used to go for days out / short breaks all the time to places that were not dog friendly . I actually didn't find my puppy hard work but no you can't leave them outside shops , no most hotels are not dog friendly and nor are theme parks / soft play / farms / zoos / museums / inside areas at some NT or EH sites . Much as I adore my hound , I agree with your MIL , enjoy your child's childhood and get the dog later . Also bear in mind that not all dogs can go to daycare / out with dog walkers as mine can't because he has issues with certain types of dogs ( he's been attacked) and we just make sure someone is able to stay home with him if we are away now or if I'm away dh will work from home for half a day and that's with a dog that is actually fine being left , some dogs can't be left at all .

I know this is the doghouse, but have you considered a cat? They actually have wonderful, individual personalities and some of the oriental breeds can actually be very dog like.

I've recently got my first puppy and even after years of cat and horse ownership it really is a big step up in lifestyle change.

My one friend has a working cocker and she is very friendly but is hard work, she's terrible on the lead, high prey drive (has killed a wild baby bunny before) but loves the beach so you don't notice the lead thing if you are heading to the beach for her walks. You can't really take her to dog friendly café's as she gets bored and starts barking. She isn't great with small children, once they are about 6 and less excitable she loves them, small kids apparently scare her.

My other friend has a lab, he's really strong on the lead but very well behaved in other respects. This friend has recently had a baby and he's been awesome, attentive and patient.

I would definitely do your research on breeds but equally it might be the way these two friends have trained their dogs. My friend with the lab is strict with her dog.

If you need to use doggy daycare or go away for a night you need to factor this into the costs, I was shocked to hear how much doggy daycare was.

We're on our first dog and I have to say apart from the first week where I was completely flipped out with "what have I done?" she's been a brilliant addition to the family, very low maintenance (apart from this week as she's ripped a nail out!), very undemanding and she's a rescue.

Lots of people have said rescue greyhound for a first dog. I completely concur. That said, we can't leave her tied up outside a shop, I haven't let her off properly yet (apart from the one time she puller her claw out - this is not a breed thing, it's a Flipdog thing) because of her low recall and prey drive and every holiday, and day out has to be catered for.

Think really carefully about it. I wouldn't have gone down the puppy route because we work full-time (albeit I work from home) and we wouldn't have time. If you are seriously thinking of a rescue dog, do some research into greyhounds. There are a few rescue grey owners on here I think so feel free to ask questions - heaven knows I did (and indeed do!).

You can't leave a dog tied up outside a shop. Ever.
You can't leave a puppy. At all. (Chewing and mess to come home to!)
Poo on one place. We pick up when she does a poo. Every time. You could cordon off a toilet area I suppose.
Hotels? I wouldn't. Trying to get a pup out somewhere safe to pee would be a nightmare and chewing too! There must be some that are.

TBH, I have left puppies and not come back to chaos. Partly this is because later puppies have had an adult dog to hang out with, but I don't recall our first puppy being destructive when left. She was confined in two hard-floored rooms with access to the garden, and all was good.

Do you have any friends who might lend you their dog whilst they are away on holiday? This is what we did before we got ours and it was really helpful to understand what the reality of having a dog would be. Things like no more spontaneous days out to non-dog friendly places, the dog would be 100% my responsibility despite the good intentions for the rest of the family. We still decided to get one but I think I went into with much more realistic expectations.

You can leave a puppy for short periods. If you never leave your puppy at all it will leave you with a massive problem, i.e. a dog that can't ever be left.

We used crate training for our puppy and I absolutely recommend it. She came home from the breeders in the crate in the back of the car. We'd made a nice comfy bed for her, with some soft toys. When we got home the crate was put into the corner of the kitchen, near the back door. During the day she was put in there for naps and if we had to leave her. She actually saw it as her safe place and would go in there voluntarily.

Puppies are trained by their mums not to soil their beds, so a puppy won't generally go to the toilet on their bed. You can use this to your advantage. We would take our puppy outside every time she woke up, after meals, after a game and every 20 minutes when she was awake.

When she went outside she got lots of praise. There were a few accidents in the house but these were quickly cleaned up without any fuss.

To start with, I set the alarm for around 2am and went downstairs to let her outside for a wee. Puppies have small bladders and cannot manage to go through the night. They grow very quickly though, so you don't have to do this for long.

Our dog was fully housetrained in 10 days.

At night and when we went out we put her into her crate and closed the door. This meant that she was safe and so was our house. She was quite chewy, so we made sure she had plenty of things to chew. She loved the kong filled with biscuits and peanut butter.

Your DS is young but you really can find a Rescue who would be suitable. Lots of the smaller rescues are more flexible about younger children and often have their dogs in foster homes with other dogs/children/cats etc so have been assessed as to their suitability. Puppies are hard work and take a lot of your time. I fostered two adult (2-3 years old), they were a doddle and from rescues working abroad.

You need to think about cost: food, vet's bills, annual boosters, flea and when treatment, pet insurance etc. It adds up to a lot per month. Would you mind or would you prefer spending that on you, your DS, saving for nice extras or holidays?

Spontaneity: as said already, you have to plan any activity which is going to be more than 4-5 hours long (if dog at home).

Walking: you probably have an idyllic scenario in your head of walking through dappled sunlight in the woods is on a beach, but it's also when it's pouring, dark and cold. Also, think about moments when DS isn't feeling well or you aren't - could your DH do it, friends, neighbours.

Would you be able to pay for dog walkers if you went back to work in the future?

I'd go for a smaller size dog, much easier to walk especially if you want your DS to participate (supervised).

Are you patient? If you take on a puppy (and any dog to some extent), you have to be prepared to take time for continuous training, picking up poo, cleaning mud, saliva and hair when in fact you'd like to sit down and spend time with a coffee and Mumsnet?!

I volunteer for the Cinnamon Trust, helping walk dogs for older people who can't do it. I walk two dachshunds and a guide dog. Maybe you could do this to start with or borrow a dog from a friend - although having one for a few hours or a weekend isn't the same as a lifelong commitment.