Said goodbye to our old boy last night

[GreenieGables]

And I feel utterly bereft .

He was 12, my DH got him as an 8 week old puppy just before I met him. He was an outdoor dog, except when he snuck in for a sneaky cuddle. He's been on the decline for a few months and after a visit to the vet it was decided it was time. I feel like I've failed him, I tried to give him as much time as possible but with him living outdoors (in a house shed before anyone thinks he's left with no shelter etc, it was just as insulated as our house and weatherproof etc). It was never possible to bring him inside, he was never house trained and he was a 'guard dog'. I bloody loved that dog. Me and DH cradled the big buffoon (my pet name for him) in the back of my car and he was put to rest. I knew it was time, the vet knew it was time, DH knew it was time so why do I feel so shit? The garden was empty this morning, I normally go out first thing to let him out for a wee and feed him. He hears me coming and used to get so excited to see me. Instead I opened my kitchen blinds this morning was met with his grave where my DH buried him. This is so hard, harder than I ever could have imagined. I feel guilty because my grey is cuddled up in her bed, she missed her friend this morning when she went out

of course you feel bereft. Losing a dog leaves a huge hole in your life. I think feelings of guilt aren't uncommon either, because they're so dependent on us but can't tell us what they think. And in your case you can't explain to his pal. But it sounds as though he had a good life, you made the right decision yesterday for his sake not yours.

So sorry for your loss

So sorry

Thank you .

And yes, he had no quality of life anymore and we made the decision for him and it was best for him. But the guilt is overwhelming. He actually had tears. Me and DH sat in the boot of our car, he was between us with his head on DH's lap, and he had tears rolling down his cheeks. He knew, and I looked him in the eyes nose to nose and apologised to him. He licked my face (he's never done that before!) and we said goodbye . The vet was lovely, he said goodbye big chap, rest in peace and then he was gone. The nurse cried too .

In time you will be able to look back with nothing but good memories and the comfort that you have him dignity, empathy and kindness in his death.
Until then

Thank you, you're absolutely right of course, I'm just struggling more than I thought I would

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's bloody heartbreaking for you both

Thank you. Yes it is, I miss him so much. It's just too quiet and my garden is still so empty.