My gorgeous, beloved cocker girl started Tuesday last week absolutely fine. By lunchtime she was quiet and tail was tucked in, and she got quieter and quieter until by about 3 pm I was sure something was wrong and took her to our vet. Noticed as she got down from the sofa she didn't want to move her back legs and her breath was absolutely foul which it hadn't been that morning. The vet found a lot of pain and guarding around her tummy, nowhere else, although he did a thorough neuro exam, so did a set of scans and emergency laparotomy expecting she'd got a blockage. Her found nothing except a very distended stomach. I collected her and took her - in a lot of pain and miserable - to the overnight vet, who did another exam. Still guarding tummy, neuro exam fine, I watched her do it. In the morning ddog was walking around, happier but quiet. I took her back to the vets to be admitted for the day for observation, they reported she wouldn't eat but seemed a little brighter. I took her home about 3pm with antibiotics and painkillers, both vets mystified. Bloods clear, X-rays clear.
She deteriorated rapidly all evening, wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink, was constantly vomiting, I had to rub her melds onto her gums as she wouldn't open her mouth and any water I syringed in - half a teaspoonful at about half hour intervals - came back. She was quiet, miserable, didn't want to move or be touched, by eight pm I was so concerned that despite not wanting to put her through yet more pain and stress I took her back to the overnight vet. This time on examination she cried out when her back was touched - the same spot two vets touched previously with no response - and within a few minutes she lost control of one back leg and within twenty minutes had progressed so fast she was falling. I could see she was visibly deteriorating very fast and the vet said it was not looking good.
I left her there for the night with them planning to do more scans and higher painkillers. She cried when I left, I feel so bad about that now but they needed to do the tests and scans. Googled desperately trying to figure out what was going on and thought possible IVDD. Vet agreed it was a possibility when she rang at midnight to say she was worse, both legs now affected and anal tone going. She suggested referring to a dog neurologist two hours drive away for an MRI. The thought of putting ddog in the car, in this amount of pain and distress, for a two hour drive for yet another anaesthetic and more tests was awful. I looked up more in IVDD and found that this would at this severity be probable surgery followed by six to eight weeks total crate rest, follow ups and physio.
This is where I fall apart. I have a chronic illness, my income is not secure because of it, and we were half way through her insurance after the exploratory surgery, meds and tests. What we had left wouldn't take us through major surgery, medication and post care. There is only me. I couldn't stay home with her for six to eight weeks doing the full time nursing care she would need, i couldn't leave her home alone like that, and the thought of putting my active, lively girl through all that was horrific. And there was no guarantee that if I put her through it all that she'd recover. I went back to the night vets to see her and she'd lost the use of her back legs completely.
The vet kept trying to get me to take her to the neurologist saying have the scans and then decide. Yes, take her all that way for two hours, vomiting and in so much pain and deteriorating so fast, for more anaesthetics and scans and then decide if I could pay for treatment or if it was even treatable - still no one knew what was happening to her! And if I did somehow find the money to do the surgery and follow up, how the hell did I care for her and get her through all that pain and restriction and incontinence for six to eight weeks with no idea if it would save her? The vet said her prognosis at this point was 'guarded to poor'.
I feel utterly terrible, but I made the decision to pts. I sat on the floor with her, and held her, and even at the last minute the nurse tried to persuade me to think again. It was awful. I loved that little dog so much, she was in such an awful state, it was happening so fast and I hadn't slept in two days, and the vet was lovely but with a very strong accent and I found it very hard to understand her. I've had two other animals in the past where vets tried heroic measures and they suffered - one very much- and I was too inexperienced to argue, and ended with pts with a beloved pet in severe distress, I swore I would never let it happen to another pet of mine.
Now I'm reading online about IVDD and almost everything is about 'never give up', that on the other side of that crate rest is for many dogs a recovery, and that dogs live happily using wheeled carts and with severe incontinence... I feel so terrible that to me that isn't a quality of life I'd want for my girl who lived to zoom around. I feel so terrible that I didn't go for the travel, surgery - how the hell I would have worked and managed my dog in severe distress with strangers two hours away for days I don't know - maybe I should have put her through it. Not that we even know if it was IVDD. Our day vet was very upset to hear she deteriorated so fast and said I did what he would have recommended for her, but I felt the other vet thought I was making the wrong choice. Possibly she thought it was a selfish one,
I feel as if I killed my sweet dog and I'm making excuses to myself. I miss her so much, she was such a joy and I am so torn between I couldn't do that to her and I shouldn't have given up.